Tomorrow is Noah's official 2nd birthday, and today is his party!
I am really excited. I didn't think we would even be able to have a party at all, because most of our family couldn't make it. Justin's Dad is in Florida, my Dad is working, I didn't think my brother Nick would want to travel with Hilary and the kids, my sister is a nursing working on nights all weekend (and lives an hour away). And I didn't know how many friends would be able to come. I wasn't going to have a party for just our moms and Matt and Lynsey (brother and SIL). So for about a month now I've just had it in my head that we wouldn't have a party. I was really bummed about this, because Noah's birthday is obviously very special to us, and I was depressed that we couldn't give him a real birthday party. I knew he wouldn't know the difference or remember it later on, but I would!
BUT, my SIL Hilary ended up coming to town with her two boys yesterday and she is staying until tonight, so we are having a small party! I literally found out she was coming to town on Thursday afternoon, so I only had 2 days notice for this. Because of that, I didn't end up inviting anyone but immediate family. Only 8 adults and 3 kids will be here, but it'll still be fun. Small things are often more fun, and it'll be more relaxed and casual this way.
So I'm spending my morning getting ready by cleaning the house, washing and folding laundry, blowing up balloons, and baking a cake (banana cake with cream cheese frosting... it'll be Noah's first taste of cake ever, and I didn't want him to have chocolate cake. I feel more comfortable with this option).
Fun fun! I'm excited! Off to do more prep work!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Time Change, Shmime Change
I realized a few days ago that I haven't posted about Noah in awhile! It is definitely not that I have forgotten about him - he is clearly the centre of my entire world. I guess there just hasn't been anything that particularly popped out at me to post about. So, a possibly mundane update...
Time change? What time change? I feel bad for all these parents who struggle with the spring time change. I can't relate to that at all. I have always loved it. It's the easiest to adjust to. I have stress over the fall time change, because it means the kid is waking up an hour earlier than usual (anything before 7 or 7:30 is evil in my books). And it takes awhile to shift a child's internal clock so that they consistently wake up an hour later than they used to. But the spring time change puts their wake up time an hour LATER on the clock. So who cares, seriously?
The only thing that made me even THINK about the time change is the fact that Noah is getting so that he doesn't really need his nap anymore. It's only an hour long, but it takes him awhile to fall asleep for it. He can't seem to fall asleep until he's been awake for a good 6 hours. And then after his nap it's the same thing. He needs to be awake for at least 6 hours before he can fall asleep at bedtime. This means that he doesn't fall asleep until past 9:30 a lot of nights, and he's almost never asleep before 9. He'll be in bed, but he just isn't tired enough to sleep.
Because of this, this time change could pose a problem. Clearly I don't want my not-even-2-year-old (6 more days!) to go to bed past 10pm. That is not cool for a tired, pregnant Mama who is ready to go to bed at 7pm.
Furthermore, yesterday (the day of the time change) Noah slept in until 8:30 old time, 9:30 new time. Yeah. He wouldn't fall asleep for the night until 11pm (new time) if he had a nap.
So what did I do? Skipped the nap. No big deal. He requires a lot less sleep than pretty much any other kid his age (or older), so skipping a nap has no negative repercussions for him. He is just as happy and well behaved as normal. It just means he falls asleep really fast at bedtime, which is great.
I put him to bed at 8:30 new time, which was 7:30 old time. He woke up at 8am this morning, which is about the time I expect him to wake up on any given morning (although night sleep has been shortening and he is often awake before 8am now).
Time change? No problem. I barely noticed it.
We had a great day yesterday, though! The weather was beautiful! 13 degrees (55F) and sunny. The three of us went to the park to play for awhile. Then we came home and BBQed sausages for lunch. A couple of hours later we went to my mother in law's for a yummy dinner that I didn't have to cook. It was great! I really enjoyed taking Noah to the park again. It had been at least 4 months since I'd been able to do that. And it was nice to have Justin there with us.
It's March Break this week, so Justin is home for 9 days straight. Awesome!
Time change? What time change? I feel bad for all these parents who struggle with the spring time change. I can't relate to that at all. I have always loved it. It's the easiest to adjust to. I have stress over the fall time change, because it means the kid is waking up an hour earlier than usual (anything before 7 or 7:30 is evil in my books). And it takes awhile to shift a child's internal clock so that they consistently wake up an hour later than they used to. But the spring time change puts their wake up time an hour LATER on the clock. So who cares, seriously?
The only thing that made me even THINK about the time change is the fact that Noah is getting so that he doesn't really need his nap anymore. It's only an hour long, but it takes him awhile to fall asleep for it. He can't seem to fall asleep until he's been awake for a good 6 hours. And then after his nap it's the same thing. He needs to be awake for at least 6 hours before he can fall asleep at bedtime. This means that he doesn't fall asleep until past 9:30 a lot of nights, and he's almost never asleep before 9. He'll be in bed, but he just isn't tired enough to sleep.
Because of this, this time change could pose a problem. Clearly I don't want my not-even-2-year-old (6 more days!) to go to bed past 10pm. That is not cool for a tired, pregnant Mama who is ready to go to bed at 7pm.
Furthermore, yesterday (the day of the time change) Noah slept in until 8:30 old time, 9:30 new time. Yeah. He wouldn't fall asleep for the night until 11pm (new time) if he had a nap.
So what did I do? Skipped the nap. No big deal. He requires a lot less sleep than pretty much any other kid his age (or older), so skipping a nap has no negative repercussions for him. He is just as happy and well behaved as normal. It just means he falls asleep really fast at bedtime, which is great.
I put him to bed at 8:30 new time, which was 7:30 old time. He woke up at 8am this morning, which is about the time I expect him to wake up on any given morning (although night sleep has been shortening and he is often awake before 8am now).
Time change? No problem. I barely noticed it.
We had a great day yesterday, though! The weather was beautiful! 13 degrees (55F) and sunny. The three of us went to the park to play for awhile. Then we came home and BBQed sausages for lunch. A couple of hours later we went to my mother in law's for a yummy dinner that I didn't have to cook. It was great! I really enjoyed taking Noah to the park again. It had been at least 4 months since I'd been able to do that. And it was nice to have Justin there with us.
It's March Break this week, so Justin is home for 9 days straight. Awesome!
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Dopplers Are the Best Invention Ever
At least they are for a paranoid pregnant person like me!
It seems to be getting easier and easier to find the heartbeat. The first two times I found it (8 weeks 2 days and 8 weeks 6 days) it took about 10 minutes of slowly searching, frequently adding more gel to my belly. The past two times (9 weeks 1 day and today, 9 weeks 3 days) I found it within 1 minute of trying.
I've found that it is much easier to find when I can easily feel my uterus. My uterus seems to tilt back and forth, so sometimes I can feel it right up front (and up to about an inch under my bellybutton), and other times I can't really feel it at all. When it's tilted backwards and further away from my skin, I have a much harder time finding the heartbeat.
It's really really nice to be able to have the reassurance of hearing that little heartbeat ticking away. I'm really really glad I bought (and not rented) this doppler. Seriously, it is probably the best decision I have made so far this pregnancy. Without it, I would have already travelled to the RE for at least one reassurance ultrasound. And even with that reassurance ultrasound, by now I'd probably be feeling that dread of not knowing for sure that everything is okay.
I don't know for sure why I am like this when I am pregnant, but it seriously has been amazing to just feel confident that things are fine. The easier it gets to find the heartbeat, the easier it is for me to take a day off from looking for it. And when I do look for it, I feel confident that I will find it. And if I can't (when my uterus is tilted backward), I really don't freak out. I know it's only been a couple of days since I last heard it, and the chances of there being something that went wrong in just those couple of days feels very slim to me. So I don't panic and think that something is wrong. I just try again later in the day or the next day, when I can feel my uterus tilted forward.
The doppler has brought me so much peace of mind. I really wish I had bought one during my pregnancy with Noah. I would have felt a lot more relaxed!
It seems to be getting easier and easier to find the heartbeat. The first two times I found it (8 weeks 2 days and 8 weeks 6 days) it took about 10 minutes of slowly searching, frequently adding more gel to my belly. The past two times (9 weeks 1 day and today, 9 weeks 3 days) I found it within 1 minute of trying.
I've found that it is much easier to find when I can easily feel my uterus. My uterus seems to tilt back and forth, so sometimes I can feel it right up front (and up to about an inch under my bellybutton), and other times I can't really feel it at all. When it's tilted backwards and further away from my skin, I have a much harder time finding the heartbeat.
It's really really nice to be able to have the reassurance of hearing that little heartbeat ticking away. I'm really really glad I bought (and not rented) this doppler. Seriously, it is probably the best decision I have made so far this pregnancy. Without it, I would have already travelled to the RE for at least one reassurance ultrasound. And even with that reassurance ultrasound, by now I'd probably be feeling that dread of not knowing for sure that everything is okay.
I don't know for sure why I am like this when I am pregnant, but it seriously has been amazing to just feel confident that things are fine. The easier it gets to find the heartbeat, the easier it is for me to take a day off from looking for it. And when I do look for it, I feel confident that I will find it. And if I can't (when my uterus is tilted backward), I really don't freak out. I know it's only been a couple of days since I last heard it, and the chances of there being something that went wrong in just those couple of days feels very slim to me. So I don't panic and think that something is wrong. I just try again later in the day or the next day, when I can feel my uterus tilted forward.
The doppler has brought me so much peace of mind. I really wish I had bought one during my pregnancy with Noah. I would have felt a lot more relaxed!
Friday, March 9, 2012
I Think I'm Done
Thanks for all of your support and input on my last post. As I mentioned, I'd been forgiving and annoying a lot of stuff over the past year (prior to that, things with T were pretty good). I felt like no person or friendship was perfect, and people were always going to do things that annoy us, so I was trying my best to let stuff go. Justin had started to remark, quite frequently, that we "aren't even really friends." I would always reply "Justin, every friendship has it's moments where one person bothers the other person. You have that with some of YOUR best friends. It doesn't mean we're not friends."
But I decided I'm just done with this. I honestly don't think there's a natural way to get out of this friendship. I've tried doing that before by cutting down on the length and frequency of my replies to her, but it just doesn't "take."
As much as I would like to tell her exactly what I feel and think, I really don't think I'm up for doing that. I can do that with my family members when I have a problem with them, but we are family, so it doesn't last long, and it all is forgiven. But I know T pretty well, and she would NEVER see the things she has done as being wrong. She can't find fault in herself. So telling her my issues with her wouldn't be constructive.
I think I'm just done. I haven't replied to her since one email I sent on Wednesday around noon, and I don't think I'm going to. I've enjoyed not hearing from her. I feel more relaxed and more content in my own life without listening to her oneupmanship, how incredible her life is, how much money her husband makes, how much money she's spending, and all the nice new things she's buying.
I don't really care if we even talk at all anymore. Your comments have helped bring clarity to the situation. It wasn't just my imagination, or me making "too big a deal" over things she says. She HASN'T been a good friend for the past year. It has definitely gotten worse in the past 6 months, and I just don't see it going back to where it used to be. She annoys me so much now. I can't actually remember the last time she wrote me an email that didn't include information that either insulted me (maybe unintentionally), made me feel like my life was inadequate in comparison, felt like she was one-upping me, or just felt "snippy."
At first I felt like it was a blessing to have a close friend who had a kid the exact same age as mine. But now I don't. Not when it's someone who is constantly bragging about their kid's accomplishments. It's not like I don't have a fabulous kid. Her kid is NOT better than mine, or smarter than mine, or funnier than mine, and certainly not cuter than mine! It's not like her comments make me feel like my kid isn't good enough - far from it! I'm just sick of listening to her talk about him. It's so. irritating.
I don't want to reply to her, so I'm just not going to. I'm just done. I can see her or not see her, talk to her or not talk to her, whatever. If somehow our friendship can turn into something casual where we see/talk to each other once in awhile, then fine. But I'm not even going to "try" to make it go that way. As someone said in the comments (and I do firmly believe this), some people come into our lives for a season. Then their purpose is served, and it's okay to move on.
I think her purpose has been served, and now she is only causing me annoyance and stress. I am happier without her daily presence in my life.
But I decided I'm just done with this. I honestly don't think there's a natural way to get out of this friendship. I've tried doing that before by cutting down on the length and frequency of my replies to her, but it just doesn't "take."
As much as I would like to tell her exactly what I feel and think, I really don't think I'm up for doing that. I can do that with my family members when I have a problem with them, but we are family, so it doesn't last long, and it all is forgiven. But I know T pretty well, and she would NEVER see the things she has done as being wrong. She can't find fault in herself. So telling her my issues with her wouldn't be constructive.
I think I'm just done. I haven't replied to her since one email I sent on Wednesday around noon, and I don't think I'm going to. I've enjoyed not hearing from her. I feel more relaxed and more content in my own life without listening to her oneupmanship, how incredible her life is, how much money her husband makes, how much money she's spending, and all the nice new things she's buying.
I don't really care if we even talk at all anymore. Your comments have helped bring clarity to the situation. It wasn't just my imagination, or me making "too big a deal" over things she says. She HASN'T been a good friend for the past year. It has definitely gotten worse in the past 6 months, and I just don't see it going back to where it used to be. She annoys me so much now. I can't actually remember the last time she wrote me an email that didn't include information that either insulted me (maybe unintentionally), made me feel like my life was inadequate in comparison, felt like she was one-upping me, or just felt "snippy."
At first I felt like it was a blessing to have a close friend who had a kid the exact same age as mine. But now I don't. Not when it's someone who is constantly bragging about their kid's accomplishments. It's not like I don't have a fabulous kid. Her kid is NOT better than mine, or smarter than mine, or funnier than mine, and certainly not cuter than mine! It's not like her comments make me feel like my kid isn't good enough - far from it! I'm just sick of listening to her talk about him. It's so. irritating.
I don't want to reply to her, so I'm just not going to. I'm just done. I can see her or not see her, talk to her or not talk to her, whatever. If somehow our friendship can turn into something casual where we see/talk to each other once in awhile, then fine. But I'm not even going to "try" to make it go that way. As someone said in the comments (and I do firmly believe this), some people come into our lives for a season. Then their purpose is served, and it's okay to move on.
I think her purpose has been served, and now she is only causing me annoyance and stress. I am happier without her daily presence in my life.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Stupid Friend Situation
I'm in a bit of a "situation" with a friend. There is a lot of back story here, and I won't be able to tell all of it, but I am going to try. This might feel a bit choppy or mixed up because of it. And it is looong, so be prepared.
So, I have this friend. We'll call her T. Nobody in my real life reads this blog, so I don't know why I'm not using her real name, but I just feel like I shouldn't. Anyway, she has been one of my closest friends for the past 3 years. We kind of knew each other before then, but she mostly knew my husband. Then when we were pregnant together, she started writing me messages on facebook because she was excited to have a due date buddy. I wasn't really into it at first, because I had a preconceived notion that she was a bitch, and I didn't like her. However, she was really nice to me, so with time I grew to like her.
We had the same due date with our first pregnancies (not really, though, because she was still on her period when I got pregnant with Noah, but she was one of those people who had a big-ish baby at 20 weeks and her due date got moved up by a ridiculous amount, which would have meant she had a full period AFTER she got pregnant... this is one of my pet peeves). However, I had Noah 11 days early and she went quite a bit overdue, so Noah is actually 3 weeks older than her son, C.
When she figured out (through friend's posts on my facebook wall) that I had had Noah while she was still pregnant, she literally started running around the house freaking out and crying because I had my baby and she was still pregnant. That was my first clue that there was something kind of competitive going on there (totally not welcome, on my part, because I don't "compete" with friends).
We would write each other emails every few days. But the summer after the boys were born, my desktop computer got fried when our house was struck by lightning, and I got a laptop to replace it. This made writing to her a LOT easier, so we started talking everyday. Then it was multiple times every day. We had playdates and talked on the phone, and it was good times. It was nice having a friend the same age, who had a baby boy the same age as mine. Plus she seemed really nice.
I'm trying to remember the first things that started bothering me about her. I think it was when our kids were about a year. She would talk about her son, C, and how much he was talking. He was a real "performer," and would do and say anything you asked him to. Noah is (and always has been) the opposite. He is NOT a performer.
So, she would talk about how much C was talking. She would give me the exact number of words he was saying. And this was after me saying that Noah isn't really talking much (for the record, Noah was not a late talker by any means, and has pretty much always been way ahead of average in the verbal skills area, but her son did start talking before Noah did. They are at the same verbal level now and have been for quite some time).
You'd think after someone tells you their kid isn't really talking that much, you would stop bragging directly to that person about how much your kid talks. But no, it continued. I would frequently get emails with content like "C said his 60th word today - monkey!" or "We were at a playdate today and everybody was just sooo amazed at how well C talks!" (for the record, this doesn't really bother me if I read it on someone's blog... it is YOUR blog where you talk about YOUR kid. It's like your baby book. You don't need to edit out your child's accomplishments just so someone else doesn't feel insecure about their own child's accomplishments. But to recount all of your child's accomplishments directly to someone who has a kid the exact same age who has SAID that their kid isn't doing those things yet... that is not okay with me).
This bothered me, because it just seemed so rude. But I forgave it (often) because I had another good friend, Erin, whose child was ALSO a BIG performer, and Erin was (and still is, when I see her) always getting her daughter to "perform" for me. This also bothers me, because it feels like she's specifically trying to make her kid look better than my kid right in front of my face. Meanwhile, Noah can do everything her kid can do, he just refuses to "perform".
Anyway, the point is, everybody has their personality quirks that can bother you. Heck, my own husband does things that bother me. I do things that bother me. Nobody is perfect. So while these things bother me, I don't let them stop me from developing friendships with people.
Another back story. T used to live in a teeny tiny house. Like, her whole house was smaller than the living room/dining room/kitchen area of my house. It was small. It wasn't because they couldn't afford something bigger, they had just chosen to live in something that small for the time being. Then suddenly, a year ago, she decided to move to a bigger house. While she was in the process of buying/selling she asked me how many square feet my house was. I replied that it was over 2500sq. ft. Because it is. Her reply? "No way. I seriously can't believe your house is that big. I have a really hard time believing that. My sister's house is ___ sq. ft. (can't remember, maybe like 1700) and her house seems a lot bigger than yours."
I was really taken aback. I said "Well, I don't know what to tell you. That's how big my house is. I don't know why you have such a hard time believing that. I didn't make up the number. It was in the house information. It is in all the house ads from this neighbourhood - houses that are the exact same model as mine. Plus I have all the measurements of all the rooms, and when I add them up I am getting over 2500 sq. ft. And that's without including the two full bathrooms, the closets, the hallways, the laundry room, the entryway, etc. So it's definitely over 2500 sq ft."
Like, WTF? Who says that to someone? What, is it really important to you that your new house is bigger than my house? Is that why you don't want to believe my answer about how big my house is? I still don't understand that conversation. But again, I let it go.
Moving along...
She got pregnant last fall. Like I said, we talked every day, and talked about pretty much everything. But she never even told me they were trying - and yes, they were trying. This might not seem like much, but do you remember that she has a history of acting competitive? I am 99% certain that she didn't tell me they were trying to get pregnant because she wanted to be sure she would be pregnant before I was. It bothered her so much that I gave birth before she did, she needed to have her next baby first.
Everybody has their right to disclose or not disclose whatever information they want. But I am pretty certain that her reasons for not disclosing had everything to do with wanting to be pregnant before me (like she ever needed to worry about THAT!) and not about "not wanting to talk about it." So again, this bothered me.
Now, in and amongst all this she seemed to develop this... thing. This thing where she was always one upping me. Either her situation was crappier than mine ("my husband is gone way more than yours!"), or her life was just more "incredible" than mine. The expensive food she bought was "incredible." The evening walk she took was "incredible." Her son was so funny, her son was so smart, he was just so incredible.
For the record, when I'm talking to other parents in an individual situation, I do not brag to them about how incredible my son is. Yes, I think he is awesome, but everybody thinks their kid is awesome. I am not going to gush about my kid when I'm talking to parents of other small children. I find it sickening.
So I was getting really sick of that crap. I complained to Justin about it all. the. time. She started annoying me a lot. So I started talking to her less. We went from talking everyday, multiple times a day, to where I would sometimes not reply to an email from her for a couple of days at a time.
Now, T is 23 weeks pregnant. And she is quite possibly the smallest pregnant person ever. She still has a totally flat stomach. She and I are complete opposites. When she was 40 weeks pregnant with S, she was literally the exact same size I was when I was 14 weeks pregnant with Noah. Which pretty much means she was the same size that I am NOW at 9 weeks. Not one word of exaggeration. She doesn't even look remotely pregnant. Not even a slight bump. I look more pregnant after a meal when I'm NOT pregnant than she looks at the end of the day when she's 23 weeks pregnant.
There is one maternity store where we live. We'll call it BB. And my friend, Sarah, is a photographer (she took our pictures last summer), and she does cross-promotions with BB. Last week Sarah and BB were posting on facebook about how they needed a new BB model to do a shoot for an ad in a magazine. Somebody told me I should do it (and I clearly do look pregnant), but I figured they wanted someone who clearly looked at least 6 months pregnant. The ad SAID they wanted someone pregnant and SHOWING.
I saw one of my other friends tag T in a post about the shoot. At that point I wanted to comment on that post and say, "But T isn't even showing yet!" But I refrained. Then about half an hour later T told me she was doing the BB shoot. WHAT?!?! I asked her how she is doing the shoot when she isn't showing. She replied that she was showing a little (which she really isn't, she still has a totally flat stomach and doesn't look remotely pregnant), but that she told Sarah she was still small, and both Sarah and Erin (the owner of BB) still wanted her to do it, and they said they would make it work. She said the shoot wouldn't be for a couple of weeks, and that she would definitely be bigger by then (possibly, but she still won't look even a little bit pregnant. She might look a bit bloated by then). Then she was bragging about how Sarah really wanted her to do the shoot, and how Sarah saw the inside of her house and wants to do a "lifestyle shoot" inside her house (ok, her house interior is nice, but no nicer than mine), and maybe she will get Sarah to do the maternity and newborn photos instead of this other photographer she was going to get, etc. etc.
It was driving me nuts. Like, it was bothering me way more than it should have. But it was just driving me CRAZY that the ad said they wanted someone who is SHOWING, and T clearly ISN'T showing, but somehow finagled her way into being the model for this shoot (and then was bragging about it). They might as well have a normal, non pregnant, skinny model do it, because I am not lying, she just told me a week ago that her waist was still measuring 26 inches. 26 INCHES! SHE IS 5'10" AND 23 WEEKS PREGNANT!!!! Seriously, who even has a 26 inch waist when they're NOT pregnant?!?!?!?! I am a tall, thin person, and my waist comes nowhere close to 26 inches when I am not pregnant. It's ridiculous.
So T is bragging about this, being all "I used to model all the time, blah blah blah" (which is true). And I am fuming, because I am already frequently annoyed by her, plus I am pregnant and hormonal so the stupidest things are bugging me.
But then I go to Sarah's today for a playdate, and doesn't Sarah tell me that both her and Erin decided that it was completely ridiculous to get T to do the shoot, because she doesn't look even a LITTLE bit pregnant. Sarah said she told T to contact her when she was further along and showing more, and maybe they'd do something else. But she also told me that she looked at her pictures from her last pregnancy (T added her on facebook) and thought "I can't ever use her as a pregnant model. She hardly shows at all, even at the end."
Hmmmm, interesting. So, Sarah and Erin really wanted you to do it and said they would make it work, eh? You seem to have failed to mention that they then told you that it WOULDN'T work, because you're not showing at all. I guess you left that out of the 5 emails a day you've been sending me for the past week! And the BB shoot with a 7 month pregnant model is already scheduled for tomorrow, so obviously this is not a new thing. Clearly they decided it wouldn't work pretty quickly, and essentially fired her, but T failed to mention that. Because her life always needs to be so "incredible".
Also, after I told her that I spent the morning at Sarah's, she asked if Sarah knows that I know T (they don't know each other except over this shoot, they have never met), but she didn't mention she's not doing the shoot. It's like she doesn't want to admit it unless she absolutely has to. And if she does, she will probably make it sound like it was her decision.
Admittedly, the part about the photoshoot probably seems fairly petty, but it is a perfect example of what things are like ALL THE TIME. T somehow gets herself into these "incredible" opportunities, regardless of how she shouldn't be in them, and then they fall through. But she never mentions when they fall through, she just casually brags about them when they are brought up in the first place. Like when her friend who owns a gym was going to hire her to be a spinning instructor, even though she has zero fitness certification of any kind, and he wasn't requiring her to get her spinning certification, because "it didn't matter".
Did she ever teach a spinning class? No. But it was never brought up by her again.
Now, all of this brings me to the most recent annoyance in our friendship.
Oh shoot, I need to tell another back story.
Ok, about a month ago T had an opportunity to buy a really nice white crib and change table from a friend. Secondhand. She was going back and forth on whether she should get it, whether she needs to have a second crib or not, etc. Then as part of an email she wrote, "I should mention that I am only considering this because I know the family it is coming from. I would NEVER buy a second hand crib off of Kijiji or Mommy Market [both are like Craig's List]. That is GROSS if you ask me!"
Umm, I didn't ask you. But thanks. I have told you how I bought Noah's baby furniture second hand off Kijiji. And I have also mentioned how I would probably buy another crib secondhand if I needed it. But thanks for making your opinion on that practice so rudely clear.
Oh, AND, she KNOWS that Noah's nursery furniture is all natural wood. It is not my first choice for a wood finish. I prefer white or espresso, but I like the furniture fine, and it was the right price. I paid a fraction of what I would have paid for a brand new set. But she KNOWS that is the colour of Noah's furniture, and she has said multiple times "I HATE natural wood! Seriously, I hate it sooo much, I think it is soo ugly and disgusting." She wouldn't even borrow a brand new natural wood crib from her parents because she hates it that much.
Again, thanks. And no, I am not exaggerating. These rude comments are written exactly as she writes them. Same emphasis and everything.
I let all of these rude comments slide. Because again, you're never going to like everything that someone says. No one is perfect.
Okay, so now that the back story is told, as I mentioned yesterday, we bought a new crib. She asked where we set it up. I told her we set it up in the spare room. She asked if we moved the bed out of there. I said no, we didn't, and we won't be. I want the queen bed to stay in there. I have always nursed Noah while sitting in bed. I prefer that to a rocking chair/glider. And to me it made sense to nurse this baby in the same room s/he was sleeping in, since we already have Noah. It just made sense to me to not have to walk from my room to the baby's room while the baby was sleeping, especially if Noah was playing noisily in the living room.
So she said things are probably going to be pretty "tight" in there, especially if we are going to "squeeze" in a change table.
I said no, that room is a lot bigger than Noah's current room. Right now it has a queen bed, a big crib, a book shelf, and a dresser, and there is PLENTY of floor space.
She replies "I guess I am just used to all of the rooms here being able to have enough room to play in too. Like bed, dresser, etc and enough room to play. We play a lot in C's big boy room. With large toys too. We make forts with his huge bricks, and he has a ton of toys in there. And when he was in the nursery we would play in there too. There is a lot of floor space. Maybe I dont completely remember that room (I have only been in it twice.)"
So I started getting annoyed here. All of her rooms are about the same size as all of our bedrooms here. Noah's room is small (10x13), but the rest of our bedrooms are big. The new baby's room is 13x14. That is not a small room. And it is about the same size as C's big boy room.
But I don't want to get into it, so I just reply, "I think your memory of the size of that room is off. It's about the same size as C's room."
She can't let it go, so she replies: "Ya, my memory might be off of that room. I thought it was more so the size of C's nursery. But then again, maybe your memory of C's current room is off since you only saw it once."
Umm, seriously? Why are we still talking about this? Am I missing something here? Do you have some reason that you NEED my house to be smaller than yours? Do you NEED my bedrooms to be smaller than yours? Like, what is your problem? I TOLD you there is plenty of floor space, and there is! About half of the floor is still uncovered, even with all that furniture in there. Why are we still continuing to talk about this? What is this compulsive need you have to tell me that bedroom is not as big as your bedrooms?
Seriously, I saw the ad for her house when it was on the market. Her bedrooms are pretty much the same sizes as our bedrooms. Noah's bedroom is the only room that is smallish, but it is the same size as the spare room in her house. Plus we have two extra bedrooms that she doesn't have.
Like, is that the problem? We have more bedrooms than you? So you want to have bigger bedrooms than ours? I seriously don't understand this situation. Why does she so badly want C's room to be bigger than our new baby's room? It's not like I told her C's room was smaller. I said it was the same size. There is no reason for this conversation to continue on. There is NO reason for you to try so hard to "prove" (not that you're proving anything) that your kid's bedroom is bigger than my kid's bedroom. Like, what IS this?!
She is seriously driving me crazy. I don't want to "break up with her" as a friend, but I'm at the point where I wish I didn't even know her anymore. I think when you're at the point where you're constantly annoyed, and questioning the motive and meaning behind every comment someone makes, it's probably time to move on from that friendship. I feel like there isn't anything I even like about her anymore.
I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to continue to have this conversation about the size of that bedroom. I don't want to listen to anything she has to say, at this point. But there really isn't a clean way to get out of this. I don't want there to be drama around this. I like to avoid drama whenever possible.
I think what has happened is that we've reached the point where we talk way too much. We used to talk even more often, but it's just reached the point where she tells me too many things I don't want or need to know (I don't need to know the exact amount of money your husband makes in an overtime shift... congratulations, your husband makes more money than mine! I also don't need to know about all the super expensive new art you had commissioned an artist to make for your house, you bragger. Do I care if you drop 2 grand on something you're hanging on your wall? Congratulations, you have the money to do that and I don't.)
We talk too much. I know her too well. I can't handle her anymore. I would be fine to go to a friendship where we just talked once in awhile and got together to playdates a couple of times a month (although her kid drives me nuts, as he's always being super rough with Noah, and literally walks up to him just to BANG BANG BANG on his head). I would be able to handle her in small doses like that. I would even enjoy her in small doses like that. But I can't keep talking to her in this way.
I really am not sure how to handle it. I don't want to come right out and tell her that I don't want to talk to her so much anymore. I also don't want to just stop talking to her everyday, because we've done that for so long that stopping would seem really weird and awkward to her. I mean, that is what I WANT to do, I just don't think it would go smoothly.
But I seriously can't keep ignoring all this crap. And I don't feel like I should have to continue talking to someone on a daily basis when they are driving me nuts.
In the past when she has said something that really bugged me, I have just taken a step back and not replied to her for a day or two. But this just keeps happening now. I'm letting too many things go. I'd LOVE to confront her on all of it, but at the same time I don't want the drama. I know the advice I would give to someone else: tell her what is bothering you in a non confrontational way, and say that you should probably restrict your interaction to phone calls, maybe weekly emails, and the occasional play date. But I think that would actually cause a lot of drama, so I don't really feel like it's an option.
I just don't know what to do. I'm so irritated.
So, I have this friend. We'll call her T. Nobody in my real life reads this blog, so I don't know why I'm not using her real name, but I just feel like I shouldn't. Anyway, she has been one of my closest friends for the past 3 years. We kind of knew each other before then, but she mostly knew my husband. Then when we were pregnant together, she started writing me messages on facebook because she was excited to have a due date buddy. I wasn't really into it at first, because I had a preconceived notion that she was a bitch, and I didn't like her. However, she was really nice to me, so with time I grew to like her.
We had the same due date with our first pregnancies (not really, though, because she was still on her period when I got pregnant with Noah, but she was one of those people who had a big-ish baby at 20 weeks and her due date got moved up by a ridiculous amount, which would have meant she had a full period AFTER she got pregnant... this is one of my pet peeves). However, I had Noah 11 days early and she went quite a bit overdue, so Noah is actually 3 weeks older than her son, C.
When she figured out (through friend's posts on my facebook wall) that I had had Noah while she was still pregnant, she literally started running around the house freaking out and crying because I had my baby and she was still pregnant. That was my first clue that there was something kind of competitive going on there (totally not welcome, on my part, because I don't "compete" with friends).
We would write each other emails every few days. But the summer after the boys were born, my desktop computer got fried when our house was struck by lightning, and I got a laptop to replace it. This made writing to her a LOT easier, so we started talking everyday. Then it was multiple times every day. We had playdates and talked on the phone, and it was good times. It was nice having a friend the same age, who had a baby boy the same age as mine. Plus she seemed really nice.
I'm trying to remember the first things that started bothering me about her. I think it was when our kids were about a year. She would talk about her son, C, and how much he was talking. He was a real "performer," and would do and say anything you asked him to. Noah is (and always has been) the opposite. He is NOT a performer.
So, she would talk about how much C was talking. She would give me the exact number of words he was saying. And this was after me saying that Noah isn't really talking much (for the record, Noah was not a late talker by any means, and has pretty much always been way ahead of average in the verbal skills area, but her son did start talking before Noah did. They are at the same verbal level now and have been for quite some time).
You'd think after someone tells you their kid isn't really talking that much, you would stop bragging directly to that person about how much your kid talks. But no, it continued. I would frequently get emails with content like "C said his 60th word today - monkey!" or "We were at a playdate today and everybody was just sooo amazed at how well C talks!" (for the record, this doesn't really bother me if I read it on someone's blog... it is YOUR blog where you talk about YOUR kid. It's like your baby book. You don't need to edit out your child's accomplishments just so someone else doesn't feel insecure about their own child's accomplishments. But to recount all of your child's accomplishments directly to someone who has a kid the exact same age who has SAID that their kid isn't doing those things yet... that is not okay with me).
This bothered me, because it just seemed so rude. But I forgave it (often) because I had another good friend, Erin, whose child was ALSO a BIG performer, and Erin was (and still is, when I see her) always getting her daughter to "perform" for me. This also bothers me, because it feels like she's specifically trying to make her kid look better than my kid right in front of my face. Meanwhile, Noah can do everything her kid can do, he just refuses to "perform".
Anyway, the point is, everybody has their personality quirks that can bother you. Heck, my own husband does things that bother me. I do things that bother me. Nobody is perfect. So while these things bother me, I don't let them stop me from developing friendships with people.
Another back story. T used to live in a teeny tiny house. Like, her whole house was smaller than the living room/dining room/kitchen area of my house. It was small. It wasn't because they couldn't afford something bigger, they had just chosen to live in something that small for the time being. Then suddenly, a year ago, she decided to move to a bigger house. While she was in the process of buying/selling she asked me how many square feet my house was. I replied that it was over 2500sq. ft. Because it is. Her reply? "No way. I seriously can't believe your house is that big. I have a really hard time believing that. My sister's house is ___ sq. ft. (can't remember, maybe like 1700) and her house seems a lot bigger than yours."
I was really taken aback. I said "Well, I don't know what to tell you. That's how big my house is. I don't know why you have such a hard time believing that. I didn't make up the number. It was in the house information. It is in all the house ads from this neighbourhood - houses that are the exact same model as mine. Plus I have all the measurements of all the rooms, and when I add them up I am getting over 2500 sq. ft. And that's without including the two full bathrooms, the closets, the hallways, the laundry room, the entryway, etc. So it's definitely over 2500 sq ft."
Like, WTF? Who says that to someone? What, is it really important to you that your new house is bigger than my house? Is that why you don't want to believe my answer about how big my house is? I still don't understand that conversation. But again, I let it go.
Moving along...
She got pregnant last fall. Like I said, we talked every day, and talked about pretty much everything. But she never even told me they were trying - and yes, they were trying. This might not seem like much, but do you remember that she has a history of acting competitive? I am 99% certain that she didn't tell me they were trying to get pregnant because she wanted to be sure she would be pregnant before I was. It bothered her so much that I gave birth before she did, she needed to have her next baby first.
Everybody has their right to disclose or not disclose whatever information they want. But I am pretty certain that her reasons for not disclosing had everything to do with wanting to be pregnant before me (like she ever needed to worry about THAT!) and not about "not wanting to talk about it." So again, this bothered me.
Now, in and amongst all this she seemed to develop this... thing. This thing where she was always one upping me. Either her situation was crappier than mine ("my husband is gone way more than yours!"), or her life was just more "incredible" than mine. The expensive food she bought was "incredible." The evening walk she took was "incredible." Her son was so funny, her son was so smart, he was just so incredible.
For the record, when I'm talking to other parents in an individual situation, I do not brag to them about how incredible my son is. Yes, I think he is awesome, but everybody thinks their kid is awesome. I am not going to gush about my kid when I'm talking to parents of other small children. I find it sickening.
So I was getting really sick of that crap. I complained to Justin about it all. the. time. She started annoying me a lot. So I started talking to her less. We went from talking everyday, multiple times a day, to where I would sometimes not reply to an email from her for a couple of days at a time.
Now, T is 23 weeks pregnant. And she is quite possibly the smallest pregnant person ever. She still has a totally flat stomach. She and I are complete opposites. When she was 40 weeks pregnant with S, she was literally the exact same size I was when I was 14 weeks pregnant with Noah. Which pretty much means she was the same size that I am NOW at 9 weeks. Not one word of exaggeration. She doesn't even look remotely pregnant. Not even a slight bump. I look more pregnant after a meal when I'm NOT pregnant than she looks at the end of the day when she's 23 weeks pregnant.
There is one maternity store where we live. We'll call it BB. And my friend, Sarah, is a photographer (she took our pictures last summer), and she does cross-promotions with BB. Last week Sarah and BB were posting on facebook about how they needed a new BB model to do a shoot for an ad in a magazine. Somebody told me I should do it (and I clearly do look pregnant), but I figured they wanted someone who clearly looked at least 6 months pregnant. The ad SAID they wanted someone pregnant and SHOWING.
I saw one of my other friends tag T in a post about the shoot. At that point I wanted to comment on that post and say, "But T isn't even showing yet!" But I refrained. Then about half an hour later T told me she was doing the BB shoot. WHAT?!?! I asked her how she is doing the shoot when she isn't showing. She replied that she was showing a little (which she really isn't, she still has a totally flat stomach and doesn't look remotely pregnant), but that she told Sarah she was still small, and both Sarah and Erin (the owner of BB) still wanted her to do it, and they said they would make it work. She said the shoot wouldn't be for a couple of weeks, and that she would definitely be bigger by then (possibly, but she still won't look even a little bit pregnant. She might look a bit bloated by then). Then she was bragging about how Sarah really wanted her to do the shoot, and how Sarah saw the inside of her house and wants to do a "lifestyle shoot" inside her house (ok, her house interior is nice, but no nicer than mine), and maybe she will get Sarah to do the maternity and newborn photos instead of this other photographer she was going to get, etc. etc.
It was driving me nuts. Like, it was bothering me way more than it should have. But it was just driving me CRAZY that the ad said they wanted someone who is SHOWING, and T clearly ISN'T showing, but somehow finagled her way into being the model for this shoot (and then was bragging about it). They might as well have a normal, non pregnant, skinny model do it, because I am not lying, she just told me a week ago that her waist was still measuring 26 inches. 26 INCHES! SHE IS 5'10" AND 23 WEEKS PREGNANT!!!! Seriously, who even has a 26 inch waist when they're NOT pregnant?!?!?!?! I am a tall, thin person, and my waist comes nowhere close to 26 inches when I am not pregnant. It's ridiculous.
So T is bragging about this, being all "I used to model all the time, blah blah blah" (which is true). And I am fuming, because I am already frequently annoyed by her, plus I am pregnant and hormonal so the stupidest things are bugging me.
But then I go to Sarah's today for a playdate, and doesn't Sarah tell me that both her and Erin decided that it was completely ridiculous to get T to do the shoot, because she doesn't look even a LITTLE bit pregnant. Sarah said she told T to contact her when she was further along and showing more, and maybe they'd do something else. But she also told me that she looked at her pictures from her last pregnancy (T added her on facebook) and thought "I can't ever use her as a pregnant model. She hardly shows at all, even at the end."
Hmmmm, interesting. So, Sarah and Erin really wanted you to do it and said they would make it work, eh? You seem to have failed to mention that they then told you that it WOULDN'T work, because you're not showing at all. I guess you left that out of the 5 emails a day you've been sending me for the past week! And the BB shoot with a 7 month pregnant model is already scheduled for tomorrow, so obviously this is not a new thing. Clearly they decided it wouldn't work pretty quickly, and essentially fired her, but T failed to mention that. Because her life always needs to be so "incredible".
Also, after I told her that I spent the morning at Sarah's, she asked if Sarah knows that I know T (they don't know each other except over this shoot, they have never met), but she didn't mention she's not doing the shoot. It's like she doesn't want to admit it unless she absolutely has to. And if she does, she will probably make it sound like it was her decision.
Admittedly, the part about the photoshoot probably seems fairly petty, but it is a perfect example of what things are like ALL THE TIME. T somehow gets herself into these "incredible" opportunities, regardless of how she shouldn't be in them, and then they fall through. But she never mentions when they fall through, she just casually brags about them when they are brought up in the first place. Like when her friend who owns a gym was going to hire her to be a spinning instructor, even though she has zero fitness certification of any kind, and he wasn't requiring her to get her spinning certification, because "it didn't matter".
Did she ever teach a spinning class? No. But it was never brought up by her again.
Now, all of this brings me to the most recent annoyance in our friendship.
Oh shoot, I need to tell another back story.
Ok, about a month ago T had an opportunity to buy a really nice white crib and change table from a friend. Secondhand. She was going back and forth on whether she should get it, whether she needs to have a second crib or not, etc. Then as part of an email she wrote, "I should mention that I am only considering this because I know the family it is coming from. I would NEVER buy a second hand crib off of Kijiji or Mommy Market [both are like Craig's List]. That is GROSS if you ask me!"
Umm, I didn't ask you. But thanks. I have told you how I bought Noah's baby furniture second hand off Kijiji. And I have also mentioned how I would probably buy another crib secondhand if I needed it. But thanks for making your opinion on that practice so rudely clear.
Oh, AND, she KNOWS that Noah's nursery furniture is all natural wood. It is not my first choice for a wood finish. I prefer white or espresso, but I like the furniture fine, and it was the right price. I paid a fraction of what I would have paid for a brand new set. But she KNOWS that is the colour of Noah's furniture, and she has said multiple times "I HATE natural wood! Seriously, I hate it sooo much, I think it is soo ugly and disgusting." She wouldn't even borrow a brand new natural wood crib from her parents because she hates it that much.
Again, thanks. And no, I am not exaggerating. These rude comments are written exactly as she writes them. Same emphasis and everything.
I let all of these rude comments slide. Because again, you're never going to like everything that someone says. No one is perfect.
Okay, so now that the back story is told, as I mentioned yesterday, we bought a new crib. She asked where we set it up. I told her we set it up in the spare room. She asked if we moved the bed out of there. I said no, we didn't, and we won't be. I want the queen bed to stay in there. I have always nursed Noah while sitting in bed. I prefer that to a rocking chair/glider. And to me it made sense to nurse this baby in the same room s/he was sleeping in, since we already have Noah. It just made sense to me to not have to walk from my room to the baby's room while the baby was sleeping, especially if Noah was playing noisily in the living room.
So she said things are probably going to be pretty "tight" in there, especially if we are going to "squeeze" in a change table.
I said no, that room is a lot bigger than Noah's current room. Right now it has a queen bed, a big crib, a book shelf, and a dresser, and there is PLENTY of floor space.
She replies "I guess I am just used to all of the rooms here being able to have enough room to play in too. Like bed, dresser, etc and enough room to play. We play a lot in C's big boy room. With large toys too. We make forts with his huge bricks, and he has a ton of toys in there. And when he was in the nursery we would play in there too. There is a lot of floor space. Maybe I dont completely remember that room (I have only been in it twice.)"
So I started getting annoyed here. All of her rooms are about the same size as all of our bedrooms here. Noah's room is small (10x13), but the rest of our bedrooms are big. The new baby's room is 13x14. That is not a small room. And it is about the same size as C's big boy room.
But I don't want to get into it, so I just reply, "I think your memory of the size of that room is off. It's about the same size as C's room."
She can't let it go, so she replies: "Ya, my memory might be off of that room. I thought it was more so the size of C's nursery. But then again, maybe your memory of C's current room is off since you only saw it once."
Umm, seriously? Why are we still talking about this? Am I missing something here? Do you have some reason that you NEED my house to be smaller than yours? Do you NEED my bedrooms to be smaller than yours? Like, what is your problem? I TOLD you there is plenty of floor space, and there is! About half of the floor is still uncovered, even with all that furniture in there. Why are we still continuing to talk about this? What is this compulsive need you have to tell me that bedroom is not as big as your bedrooms?
Seriously, I saw the ad for her house when it was on the market. Her bedrooms are pretty much the same sizes as our bedrooms. Noah's bedroom is the only room that is smallish, but it is the same size as the spare room in her house. Plus we have two extra bedrooms that she doesn't have.
Like, is that the problem? We have more bedrooms than you? So you want to have bigger bedrooms than ours? I seriously don't understand this situation. Why does she so badly want C's room to be bigger than our new baby's room? It's not like I told her C's room was smaller. I said it was the same size. There is no reason for this conversation to continue on. There is NO reason for you to try so hard to "prove" (not that you're proving anything) that your kid's bedroom is bigger than my kid's bedroom. Like, what IS this?!
She is seriously driving me crazy. I don't want to "break up with her" as a friend, but I'm at the point where I wish I didn't even know her anymore. I think when you're at the point where you're constantly annoyed, and questioning the motive and meaning behind every comment someone makes, it's probably time to move on from that friendship. I feel like there isn't anything I even like about her anymore.
I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to continue to have this conversation about the size of that bedroom. I don't want to listen to anything she has to say, at this point. But there really isn't a clean way to get out of this. I don't want there to be drama around this. I like to avoid drama whenever possible.
I think what has happened is that we've reached the point where we talk way too much. We used to talk even more often, but it's just reached the point where she tells me too many things I don't want or need to know (I don't need to know the exact amount of money your husband makes in an overtime shift... congratulations, your husband makes more money than mine! I also don't need to know about all the super expensive new art you had commissioned an artist to make for your house, you bragger. Do I care if you drop 2 grand on something you're hanging on your wall? Congratulations, you have the money to do that and I don't.)
We talk too much. I know her too well. I can't handle her anymore. I would be fine to go to a friendship where we just talked once in awhile and got together to playdates a couple of times a month (although her kid drives me nuts, as he's always being super rough with Noah, and literally walks up to him just to BANG BANG BANG on his head). I would be able to handle her in small doses like that. I would even enjoy her in small doses like that. But I can't keep talking to her in this way.
I really am not sure how to handle it. I don't want to come right out and tell her that I don't want to talk to her so much anymore. I also don't want to just stop talking to her everyday, because we've done that for so long that stopping would seem really weird and awkward to her. I mean, that is what I WANT to do, I just don't think it would go smoothly.
But I seriously can't keep ignoring all this crap. And I don't feel like I should have to continue talking to someone on a daily basis when they are driving me nuts.
In the past when she has said something that really bugged me, I have just taken a step back and not replied to her for a day or two. But this just keeps happening now. I'm letting too many things go. I'd LOVE to confront her on all of it, but at the same time I don't want the drama. I know the advice I would give to someone else: tell her what is bothering you in a non confrontational way, and say that you should probably restrict your interaction to phone calls, maybe weekly emails, and the occasional play date. But I think that would actually cause a lot of drama, so I don't really feel like it's an option.
I just don't know what to do. I'm so irritated.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Telling the Inlaws
As I mentioned last week, I was thinking we needed to finally tell my inlaws that I'm pregnant since my FIL was leaving for Florida and wouldn't be back until the very end of March. And because my belly looks like this:
On Saturday we went there for dinner. As I had planned before we were even pregnant, Noah wore a Big Brother t-shirt. We showed up, and let Noah loose. My MIL usually pays a great deal of attention to what Noah is wearing, especially if she hasn't seen it before, so it didn't take long for her to read his shirt, which said "Most Awesome Big Brother." She said, "What does THAT mean?" like she honestly didn't get it. She looked at Justin and I, and we just had these big smiles on our faces. I don't know what happened exactly, but Justin said something and she got it.
After hugging us and asking me how far along I was, she immediately started talking about cooking dinner. I was like "Uhh, is that it? Are we going to talk any more about this?" But I guess that was just her weird way of processing things. We did end up talking about it a lot more, and she got the whole story.
I was dreading telling them because they often don't respond very well to good news, but after the initial mother-in-law awkwardness (par for the course, with her), it was lots of fun. I am satisfied with their reactions. Haha.
Moving along to other things...
I found the heartbeat again today (8 weeks 6 days)!! I haven't been able to find it since I found it Friday night, but I did today! It was right around 176 again. Man this little one has a fast heartbeat. The highest Noah's ever was measured at was 164, and that was during my 12 week ultrasound when he was flipping all over my uterus. The rest of the time he was usually around 145.
I'm so happy I found it again:) It makes me feel so much better. I get paranoid so easily. I recorded it on my iPod this time, so I can listen to it again and remind myself I'm not crazy and I really did hear it.
Also, we bought another crib! I have every intention of keeping Noah in his crib as long as possible. I would even like to keep him in it until he's 3. He just doesn't love sleep the way some other kids do, and having him not contained in his crib would mean A LOT less sleep for both me and him. So I needed another crib. The new one is really nice. It's a white sleigh bed convertible crib. We bought it second hand, of course. I am really happy with it. I set it up in the new baby's room today, and even have bedding in it. It makes me happy to see it in there.
Alright, I should start getting dinner ready. It really feels like a Friday to me.
On Saturday we went there for dinner. As I had planned before we were even pregnant, Noah wore a Big Brother t-shirt. We showed up, and let Noah loose. My MIL usually pays a great deal of attention to what Noah is wearing, especially if she hasn't seen it before, so it didn't take long for her to read his shirt, which said "Most Awesome Big Brother." She said, "What does THAT mean?" like she honestly didn't get it. She looked at Justin and I, and we just had these big smiles on our faces. I don't know what happened exactly, but Justin said something and she got it.
After hugging us and asking me how far along I was, she immediately started talking about cooking dinner. I was like "Uhh, is that it? Are we going to talk any more about this?" But I guess that was just her weird way of processing things. We did end up talking about it a lot more, and she got the whole story.
I was dreading telling them because they often don't respond very well to good news, but after the initial mother-in-law awkwardness (par for the course, with her), it was lots of fun. I am satisfied with their reactions. Haha.
Moving along to other things...
I found the heartbeat again today (8 weeks 6 days)!! I haven't been able to find it since I found it Friday night, but I did today! It was right around 176 again. Man this little one has a fast heartbeat. The highest Noah's ever was measured at was 164, and that was during my 12 week ultrasound when he was flipping all over my uterus. The rest of the time he was usually around 145.
I'm so happy I found it again:) It makes me feel so much better. I get paranoid so easily. I recorded it on my iPod this time, so I can listen to it again and remind myself I'm not crazy and I really did hear it.
Also, we bought another crib! I have every intention of keeping Noah in his crib as long as possible. I would even like to keep him in it until he's 3. He just doesn't love sleep the way some other kids do, and having him not contained in his crib would mean A LOT less sleep for both me and him. So I needed another crib. The new one is really nice. It's a white sleigh bed convertible crib. We bought it second hand, of course. I am really happy with it. I set it up in the new baby's room today, and even have bedding in it. It makes me happy to see it in there.
Alright, I should start getting dinner ready. It really feels like a Friday to me.
Friday, March 2, 2012
I Found It!!!
I found the baby's heartbeat!!! It took me at least 15 minutes, but then I found it! 100%, no question, it's the baby!!! I am sooooo happy! Seriously, I can't wipe the grin off my face!
It was so hard to find. Justin kept saying, "Nevermind, let's just drive to the doctor tomorrow." It was way past our bedtime, but I just had to keep trying. I'm stubborn like that. I really had to get the wand in the exact right position, but I found it several times after that first time, floating around between 160 and 170.
We don't have to spend tomorrow travelling anymore!!!
Seriously, I am ridiculously happy. I'll probably be sleeping with a smile on my face tonight.
For the record, I'm 8 weeks 2 days today. And I found the heartbeat, after 3 long days of trying. :)
And also - thank you to all of you for your support. Really, your comments do make me feel better. I was feeling a lot more calm and confident tonight after reading a few of your comments, even before I found the heartbeat.
It was so hard to find. Justin kept saying, "Nevermind, let's just drive to the doctor tomorrow." It was way past our bedtime, but I just had to keep trying. I'm stubborn like that. I really had to get the wand in the exact right position, but I found it several times after that first time, floating around between 160 and 170.
We don't have to spend tomorrow travelling anymore!!!
Seriously, I am ridiculously happy. I'll probably be sleeping with a smile on my face tonight.
For the record, I'm 8 weeks 2 days today. And I found the heartbeat, after 3 long days of trying. :)
And also - thank you to all of you for your support. Really, your comments do make me feel better. I was feeling a lot more calm and confident tonight after reading a few of your comments, even before I found the heartbeat.
Latest Belly Picture (8 weeks)
I've never been very good at updating things on the right days. I don't really know how so many people out there ARE so good at it. But here's my belly at 8 weeks 2 days:
I am definitely growing!
I still can't find the heartbeat with the doppler. I know this doesn't mean anything is wrong. But, it's been a week and a half since my ultrasound, and this is the point at which I start to get nervous that something has gone wrong and I don't know about it.
I am considering driving to my clinic tomorrow for an impromptu ultrasound. I really have to plan and decide tonight though, because they are only open until 10:30, and they're an hour away. It's not like I can wake up, hem and haw, and then decide to go. I need to decide tonight.
Another reason to get the ultrasound: I don't want to tell my inlaws that I'm pregnant until after I hear the heartbeat again. But my father in law is leaving on Sunday to go to Florida for almost a month. By the time he gets back and we'd be able to tell them, I'll be 13 weeks. My MIL is already talking about how she's going to be forcing herself on us while he's gone.
Take a look at that belly picture again. Do you think I can wear ANYTHING that will hide that? It's not like I normally have a poochy stomach. My stomach is normally totally flat. Look how much further it sticks out past my boobs now. Even when I'm wearing something really baggy, my stomach is very obvious. And nobody gets like that in 2 months, just in their stomach, unless they're pregnant.
I don't want to tell my inlaws already. I don't want to tell the world already, but if my inlaws know, the world will know.
As much as I don't want to tell anyone else right now, I would also like the freedom to be able to leave my house again. I haven't been attending church, I haven't been seeing my extended family, I haven't been doing anything. I want to be social again!
When I was pregnant with Noah we did it in stages. We told our parents and a couple of my siblings at 4 weeks, when we found out. We told the rest of my siblings the next time we saw them, I can't remember if it was before or after the ultrasound. We told my extended family at 9 weeks. I told some of my staff at 10 weeks. I told my boss at 11 weeks, because I had to go to an ultrasound at the end of the week. And we finally told the world (and I told my students) sometime after 12 weeks. That was after our third ultrasound.
My inlaws told all their friends at 8 weeks, the day after I explicitly told them not to because we still weren't telling the world. This is why they still don't know, and why I told my dear husband that they will not find out until we are ready to tell the world.
My clinic's statistics say that 95% of their normal early viability ultrasounds end up delivering babies, and that this is pretty much as good as your chances are every going to get at any point in your pregnancy.
So tell me - if you did fertility treatments and had an early ultrasound, when did you end up telling people?
I am definitely growing!
I still can't find the heartbeat with the doppler. I know this doesn't mean anything is wrong. But, it's been a week and a half since my ultrasound, and this is the point at which I start to get nervous that something has gone wrong and I don't know about it.
I am considering driving to my clinic tomorrow for an impromptu ultrasound. I really have to plan and decide tonight though, because they are only open until 10:30, and they're an hour away. It's not like I can wake up, hem and haw, and then decide to go. I need to decide tonight.
Another reason to get the ultrasound: I don't want to tell my inlaws that I'm pregnant until after I hear the heartbeat again. But my father in law is leaving on Sunday to go to Florida for almost a month. By the time he gets back and we'd be able to tell them, I'll be 13 weeks. My MIL is already talking about how she's going to be forcing herself on us while he's gone.
Take a look at that belly picture again. Do you think I can wear ANYTHING that will hide that? It's not like I normally have a poochy stomach. My stomach is normally totally flat. Look how much further it sticks out past my boobs now. Even when I'm wearing something really baggy, my stomach is very obvious. And nobody gets like that in 2 months, just in their stomach, unless they're pregnant.
I don't want to tell my inlaws already. I don't want to tell the world already, but if my inlaws know, the world will know.
As much as I don't want to tell anyone else right now, I would also like the freedom to be able to leave my house again. I haven't been attending church, I haven't been seeing my extended family, I haven't been doing anything. I want to be social again!
When I was pregnant with Noah we did it in stages. We told our parents and a couple of my siblings at 4 weeks, when we found out. We told the rest of my siblings the next time we saw them, I can't remember if it was before or after the ultrasound. We told my extended family at 9 weeks. I told some of my staff at 10 weeks. I told my boss at 11 weeks, because I had to go to an ultrasound at the end of the week. And we finally told the world (and I told my students) sometime after 12 weeks. That was after our third ultrasound.
My inlaws told all their friends at 8 weeks, the day after I explicitly told them not to because we still weren't telling the world. This is why they still don't know, and why I told my dear husband that they will not find out until we are ready to tell the world.
My clinic's statistics say that 95% of their normal early viability ultrasounds end up delivering babies, and that this is pretty much as good as your chances are every going to get at any point in your pregnancy.
So tell me - if you did fertility treatments and had an early ultrasound, when did you end up telling people?
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Holy Hormones
I do not like myself today. I am petty, short tempered, impatient, and incredibly irritable. Everything is annoying me - and I do mean everything. And everyone. Stupid things that do not matter are digging inside of me and festering, creating an extremely foul mood. I'm unable to get past anything right now. I've probably only had 5 kind thoughts all day.
I'm responding to simple questions from my sweet husband by biting his head off. As soon as I speak I feel like I'm stepping outside my body and looking at a stranger. I literally have no idea why I'm responding so harshly, because I only feel that harsh about half the time (not that feeling that way is any excuse, but it is awfully weird that I'm speaking rudely to him when I'm not even feeling annoyed by him).
There is a lot more I could say on the topic, but I'm going to stop here because honestly, I don't recognize myself. And I don't feel like baring every negative part of me to all of my readers.
I don't remember being this miserable during my last pregnancy until I was in my last 8 weeks or so. And then it was mainly directed at certain people. But now? It doesn't matter who you are or what you've done, I reserve the right to dislike you.
Apparently, anyway.
I slept horribly last night, so I'm hoping that has a lot to do with my awful mood. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow morning as a whole new person. Too bad I still have hours to go before Noah is in bed and I can lie down in front of the TV and empty my mind.
For the record, I got the doppler today, and I can't find the heartbeat. I've tried 3 times, but I can only find mine. That was a disappointment. I knew there was a good chance I wouldn't be able to, but I was still hopeful, so it was a letdown. Booo.
I'm responding to simple questions from my sweet husband by biting his head off. As soon as I speak I feel like I'm stepping outside my body and looking at a stranger. I literally have no idea why I'm responding so harshly, because I only feel that harsh about half the time (not that feeling that way is any excuse, but it is awfully weird that I'm speaking rudely to him when I'm not even feeling annoyed by him).
There is a lot more I could say on the topic, but I'm going to stop here because honestly, I don't recognize myself. And I don't feel like baring every negative part of me to all of my readers.
I don't remember being this miserable during my last pregnancy until I was in my last 8 weeks or so. And then it was mainly directed at certain people. But now? It doesn't matter who you are or what you've done, I reserve the right to dislike you.
Apparently, anyway.
I slept horribly last night, so I'm hoping that has a lot to do with my awful mood. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow morning as a whole new person. Too bad I still have hours to go before Noah is in bed and I can lie down in front of the TV and empty my mind.
For the record, I got the doppler today, and I can't find the heartbeat. I've tried 3 times, but I can only find mine. That was a disappointment. I knew there was a good chance I wouldn't be able to, but I was still hopeful, so it was a letdown. Booo.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Getting out of the Blog Rut
For the past week I have written many long posts, but never published them. I'm not positive why I haven't posted them, I just haven't. I think maybe I felt they were too "ranty". A lot of things have been happening lately that are causing me to need to vent and rant, but I didn't know if I necessarily wanted to put it all out there. It'll probably make me seem really complainy and unhappy. But I'm not unhappy. I'm the opposite! I love my life, and I'm very excited and grateful that we get to be adding to our family!
Actually, now that I think about it, I think "not wanting to come across as unhappy" has been my main reason for not posting about these things.
Just as a summary, I'm going to post a brief version of the posts I've written but haven't published.
-Last week Justin was doing me a "favour," and moved my cloth diaper laundry from the washing machine to the dryer. And despite the fact that I have told him at least 5 times to never ever put a dryer sheet in with the diapers, what did he do? Put a dryer sheet in with the diapers. I'm sure you can imagine the phone call he got at work the following day when I went to sort and stuff the diapers and discovered a used Bounce sheet floating in the laundry basket. I spent the rest of the day stripping them. Darned microfiber is still repelling.
-I am such a crappy pregnant person. I pee every 60-90 minutes all night long. My belly could pass as a 6 month belly, even though I'm not even quite 8 weeks yet. It's already uncomfortable to bend over. My freaking PSD/SPD showed up already at 7.5 weeks! I thought I had until at least 20 weeks. This makes me terrified about how the next 32 weeks are going to go.
-Diclectin? It's my best friend. I am taking a higher dose than I took with Noah, and it is sooo helpful! Without it, I would be puking all day long and probably end up in the hospital with dehydration. I feel bad for every nauseous pregnant woman who lives in the USA, as they do not have Diclectin in their pregnancy arsenal.
-My mom, who I normally have a great relationship with, is driving me NUTS! Seriously, I have had enough of her, and I finally told her last night. She is constantly finding fault in me. When I told her I was pregnant with one baby, the first thing she said was "Seriously? Then why is your belly so big?" When talking to my SIL, she called my belly size "alarming." She constantly needs a medical reason for why I am pregnant the way I am pregnant. I pee a lot at night? My kidneys must be stressed! It couldn't possibly be that I have always peed more than other people at night, so if you add in a growing uterus pushing on my bladder AND all the fluid retention that gets processed out at night, you get a lot of bathroom trips. She told me yesterday I am "red and puffy." Seriously, it was our first conversation when she came in my house. Thank you so much, Mom. She can't handle the fact that my midwife appointment is not for another 2 weeks. She wants me to go to my family doctor to check my blood pressure and get extensive blood work done to check my thyroid, blood sugar, CBC, etc. All totally ridiculous, because they were all GREAT before I got pregnant, so I doubt that they are going to be all messed up at 8 weeks. Perhaps I am "red and puffy" (although no one else seems to think so, and neither do I) just because I AM PREGNANT? And that causes weight gain, fluid retention, and increased blood flow? Have you ever heard of the "pregnancy glow"??? No? You have to think I have something seriously wrong with me? She just can't accept that I am a sucky pregnant person, but that I am still NORMAL. There is much more to the story than what I've just written here, but I'll stop. I have actually been having nightmares about her.
-I bought a doppler!! It will be here on Thursday. I really wanted to buy/rent one when I was pregnant with Noah, but I didn't because of the whole "if you can't find the heartbeat one day you would freak out unnecessarily" thing. But I freak out unnecessarily through my whole pregnancy, especially the first half. Having the doppler will actually cause me to freak out less. And if I can't find the heartbeat and am totally freaking out, then I will drive to the RE for an ultrasound. But most likely, the doppler will stop me from doing that. I'm really excited to have it this time around!
Alright, that's enough for today. But remember - I'm not unhappy! Although I may be reconsidering my plan to go through a third pregnancy... ;)
Actually, now that I think about it, I think "not wanting to come across as unhappy" has been my main reason for not posting about these things.
Just as a summary, I'm going to post a brief version of the posts I've written but haven't published.
-Last week Justin was doing me a "favour," and moved my cloth diaper laundry from the washing machine to the dryer. And despite the fact that I have told him at least 5 times to never ever put a dryer sheet in with the diapers, what did he do? Put a dryer sheet in with the diapers. I'm sure you can imagine the phone call he got at work the following day when I went to sort and stuff the diapers and discovered a used Bounce sheet floating in the laundry basket. I spent the rest of the day stripping them. Darned microfiber is still repelling.
-I am such a crappy pregnant person. I pee every 60-90 minutes all night long. My belly could pass as a 6 month belly, even though I'm not even quite 8 weeks yet. It's already uncomfortable to bend over. My freaking PSD/SPD showed up already at 7.5 weeks! I thought I had until at least 20 weeks. This makes me terrified about how the next 32 weeks are going to go.
-Diclectin? It's my best friend. I am taking a higher dose than I took with Noah, and it is sooo helpful! Without it, I would be puking all day long and probably end up in the hospital with dehydration. I feel bad for every nauseous pregnant woman who lives in the USA, as they do not have Diclectin in their pregnancy arsenal.
-My mom, who I normally have a great relationship with, is driving me NUTS! Seriously, I have had enough of her, and I finally told her last night. She is constantly finding fault in me. When I told her I was pregnant with one baby, the first thing she said was "Seriously? Then why is your belly so big?" When talking to my SIL, she called my belly size "alarming." She constantly needs a medical reason for why I am pregnant the way I am pregnant. I pee a lot at night? My kidneys must be stressed! It couldn't possibly be that I have always peed more than other people at night, so if you add in a growing uterus pushing on my bladder AND all the fluid retention that gets processed out at night, you get a lot of bathroom trips. She told me yesterday I am "red and puffy." Seriously, it was our first conversation when she came in my house. Thank you so much, Mom. She can't handle the fact that my midwife appointment is not for another 2 weeks. She wants me to go to my family doctor to check my blood pressure and get extensive blood work done to check my thyroid, blood sugar, CBC, etc. All totally ridiculous, because they were all GREAT before I got pregnant, so I doubt that they are going to be all messed up at 8 weeks. Perhaps I am "red and puffy" (although no one else seems to think so, and neither do I) just because I AM PREGNANT? And that causes weight gain, fluid retention, and increased blood flow? Have you ever heard of the "pregnancy glow"??? No? You have to think I have something seriously wrong with me? She just can't accept that I am a sucky pregnant person, but that I am still NORMAL. There is much more to the story than what I've just written here, but I'll stop. I have actually been having nightmares about her.
-I bought a doppler!! It will be here on Thursday. I really wanted to buy/rent one when I was pregnant with Noah, but I didn't because of the whole "if you can't find the heartbeat one day you would freak out unnecessarily" thing. But I freak out unnecessarily through my whole pregnancy, especially the first half. Having the doppler will actually cause me to freak out less. And if I can't find the heartbeat and am totally freaking out, then I will drive to the RE for an ultrasound. But most likely, the doppler will stop me from doing that. I'm really excited to have it this time around!
Alright, that's enough for today. But remember - I'm not unhappy! Although I may be reconsidering my plan to go through a third pregnancy... ;)
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