A Newborn's Conversation With God

A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

God said, "Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."

God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you.
And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the small child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."


God said, "You will simply call her, 'Mom.'"

Mother's Day, 2011

I love Mother's Day.  And I love that I love Mother's Day, now.  After experiencing infertility, and the awful dread of this day in May, it is wonderful to be able to participate in a day in which everybody celebrates Mothers.

I love being a Mom.  I feel like nobody could love being a mom more than me.  Logically I know this is probably not true, but I just love it that much that it feels like it could be true.  I don't need one day to celebrate being a mom, but this one day sure does feel special to me.

On the morning of Mother's Day 2011, my 13.5 month old Noah handed me a Mother's Day card.  Adorable:)  My gift, a personalized Noah necklace from The Vintage Pearl, is en route.  After hurrying to get ready, we went to church, then spent the day at my parents' house with all of my siblings.  Noah had a fantastic day, despite only having one half hour nap all day long.

I don't often write about details of my days.  I think since my readership has "grown" I am more guarded about what I write about.  There are a lot of boring details (not boring to me, but probably boring to others) I would like to remember that I don't blog about, because I feel like every blog post needs to be an "event" now, instead of just my life.  This makes it so that I write less, which I don't like.  I am going to try and get over this.  And I'm starting here, since Mother's Day is a big deal in my little world, and I'd like to remember the details.

So the nap thing.  Noah woke up at 7:45am, and finally at 1:15pm we had to leave my parents for a bit to go for a drive so he would hopefully fall asleep. Elijah and Josiah were using both cribs, so there wasn't even a chance of that happening (although it's very unlikely he would sleep in someone else's crib), and Noah wouldn't fall asleep when I tried to nurse him. He'd been awake for 5.5 hours. He fell asleep on the drive, but only slept half an hour. So he only had one half hour nap the whole day.

He was really good though. Everyone was impressed with him in church. I nursed him a couple of times and fed him mum mums, so he was good. He was at the end of his patience by the end of the 25 minute sermon, but then it was over, thankfully. Our services are a minimum of 75 minutes long. I wish it was just an hour. But Noah did well anyway.

He was especially so good compared to Elijah and Josiah (my nephews). They were SO whiney and shrieky all day. Noah was a total angel. And he just wanted to keep hugging and kissing Josiah, who's 7 months old.  Like I said a couple of days ago, he is just so sweet.  Unfortunately, Josiah was FREAKING OUT like Noah was trying to kill him. But anytime I touched Noah's arms to check his hold, it was clear that Noah was being soooo gentle. He wasn't squeezing him or anything. At one point Noah cried because Josiah was screaming so much and he just wanted to hug and kiss him. It was so cute and sad. And Noah cried/pouted a couple of times when Elijah hurt him by slamming his fingers in toys. But he had a really good day.

We put him in his pajamas before we left and he fell asleep 5 minutes from home. I could have just taken him out of his carseat and put him in his bed. When I took him out and laid him on his sleepsack and put his arms through and zipped him up he stayed compeltely asleep. When I picked him up to nurse him he kind of grimaced and made a small pouting noise, but didn't wake up. I easily could have just put him in the crib, but I didn't want to be too full overnight, so I wanted him to nurse from at least the one side.  He did, and was in bed after about 5 minutes.

Before I Was a Mom

Before I was a Mom:

I made and ate hot meals;

I had unstained clothing;

I wore makeup every day;

I had quiet conversations on the phone;

I slept as late as I wanted and I slept all night long.


Before I was a Mom:

My house was always clean and tidy;

I never tripped over toys or sang lullabies;

I didn't worry whether or not my floor cleaner was poisonous;

I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, chewed on, peed on, or pinched by tiny fingers.


Before I was a Mom:

I never looked into teary eyes and cried;

I had never so badly wished I could take another person's pain;

I never felt my heart break into pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt;

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.


Before I was a Mom:

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down;

I never sat up late hours of the night watching a baby sleep;

I never got up in the middle of the night to make sure everything was okay;

I didn't know how special it could feel to nurse a hungry baby.


Before I was a Mom:

I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts and my body;

I didn't know that having something so small could make me feel so important;

I didn't know the weight and the pure joy of being the most significant person in a tiny being's life;

I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment, or the satisfaction of being a mom.


Before I was a Mom:

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much;

I didn't know the bond between a Mother and her child;

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much;

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside of my body;

I never knew that I could love someone so much.


Before I was a Mom:

I never understood that you could love someone so much you would truly give your life for them, without even a second thought.


Happy Mother's Day to all of the Mommy's out there!

And to all those who have yet to become Moms in the way that society recognizes, my heart truly does ache for you.  I pray that all your dreams will come true soon.  And in my eyes you are all mothers, waiting for your children.

Mother's Day 2010

I distinctly remember last Mother's Day... I started spotting after an IUI cycle, so I knew I wasn't pregnant, and I cried while sitting in church. It was not a nice day.

I was so thrilled and thankful to be able to celebrate my first Mother's Day yesterday.

Justin bought me a lovely card that had a message from him, and a message from Noah in it. The message from Noah was so cute:

Mom,


Thank you for putting up with me when I am fussy.


Thank you for keeping the rash out of my bum.


Thank you for bathing me, and making me feel good and clean.


Thank you for feeding me such excellent milk, and helping me grow big and strong like Dad.


Thank you for loving me.


You're the best mom ever!


Noah "Bambino"


P.S. Sorry for peeing on you.


Noah amazingly slept until 8am, rather than getting up for good at 6. We got ready and got to church on time. I was in and out of the service to nurse, change a poopy diaper, and walk with a slightly fussy baby (who turned out to just be hungry). There's not a lot of sense in me attending church, but hey, at least we try.

After church we went to my parents' house for a visit, and then to Justin's parents' for a visit. Both visits were very enjoyable. We didn't get home until after 8, but I got Noah bathed and fed and in bed around 9. He went to bed awake and put himself to sleep!:) I love my kid.

He slept until 2:30 this morning, nursed, then went down until 5:45, nursed, then went down until 7:45. Unfortunately, I've been awake since 2:30am. I wasn't able to fall back asleep. (Sometimes I really hate myself.) But luckily Noah has given me a really great day again today. It's 2:30 and he's on his third nap right now. The first one was about an hour and 15 minutes, the second one was about 2 hours, and now he's napping again, but my friend was here and I was distracted so I don't actully know what time he went down. I think he might be going on 45 minutes now. He's acting more like a normal 7.5 week old again and actually sleeping. Saturday was horrible. He barely slept all day.

The thing is that he's not sleeping as completely and soundly as he used to during the day. So the trick is when he wakes up, I don't pick him up unless it's very clear that he's not going back to sleep. I just pat his bum and bounce the mattress and he usually goes back to sleep. It's gets him to nap for longer.