Amazing - 3rd Baby Ultrasound

Today was our third baby ultrasound. It was amazing. The baby looked even more like a real baby than it did last week, and having an abdominal ultrasound really made the picture better (I would've thought the opposite). You could see everything so much more clearly.

The baby was SO hyper! It was bouncing off all the walls, pushing back when the tech would push down, flipping around, changing positions... everytime the tech would take a still picture in order to measure something, when she came back to the live picture the baby was in a completely different spot in my uterus. Baby was waving his/her arms and legs like crazy. At one point while we had a front view, the baby pumped all of its arms and legs up and down over and over again, like a 4 month old does when it's laughing. It was so adorable.

Another time the tech had a top view of the head looking at the brain, and as soon as she got the view the baby started shaking its head back and forth over and over, as if s/he was like "No way! You're not getting a picture of that! Get outta here!"

She measured the heartbeat at 168 bpm... obviously higher than before because the baby was dancing around. We heard a little bit of the heartbeat, but the baby kept jumping away from the wand when she was trying to play the heartbeat. It was okay though, because we've heard the heartbeat twice before.

Unfortunately, even though she got like 30 awesome shots, I only ended up with one kind of lame picture. The pictures always seem lame after you watch the ultrasound. I also found out that they don't do the CD of pictures or record the ultrasound. That makes me so sad!

By the way, my baby's head is not really shaped like it is in this picture. S/he has a normally shaped head. The back of it just got cut off somehow. This is why I don't like ultrasound pictures!! :)

Secret Revealed

I finally told my principal that I'm pregnant. There was no "good" way to do it, so while I was talking to him I just said "Aaannd one more thing. I'm pregnant."

He thought he already knew I was pregnant back in June. I told him no, I wasn't. Not technically, anyway. Theoretically I got pregnant on the 22nd, because that was the first day of my cycle. But he was thinking I was pregnant before that.

I couldn't quite understand what he was saying but he totally had the situation confused. Anyway, he knows now. And we have our school community BBQ tonight (which I completely forgot about), so perhaps other people will start finding out. Who knows. I'm wearing a really baggy shirt that's the type of material that doesn't hang down, it poofs out from my boobs. So my baby belly, which sticks out further than my boobs, is more successfully hidden than usual.

Now that my principal knows I'd rather go back to wearing the fitted shirts I wear when I'm around people who know I'm pregnant. But I live 25 minutes from my school, so going home and back before the BBQ is a bit ridiculous.

On another note, Purolator tried to deliver my maternity dress pants yesterday, but I wasn't home to get them. So I'm going to pick them up after work today, while I'm in town. Fingers crossed that they fit properly because if they don't and I return them, I'm out the shipping costs. Which sucks.

Back to Work and a Belly Picture

11 weeks

I start work again tomorrow... blech. I'm really going to miss summer vacation. I can't wait for the next 6 months to fly by so I can be on maternity leave for a year with our little baby.

I think I'm just wary of the new teaching situation I'm going to be in this year. It's making going back just a little bit harder than it normally is. At least I only have to teach in the classroom for 2 hours tomorrow, and the rest of the time I'm doing resource stuff, like writing IEPs and figuring out a schedule.

Somehow this week I'm going to have to let the rest of my staff know that I'm pregnant. I'm not really sure how to do it, since I'll probably just have to blurt it out out of nowhere. It's my principal that I'm nervous to tell. I feel like it's weird to tell my boss that I'm pregnant. I'm also a bit nervous to tell his wife, who had a miscarriage in June. We spent a lot of time together last week since we're sharing the 5/6 classroom, and I never told her then, so I feel like it's awkward to tell her now.

Is it terrible if I just tell the other teachers that I've told that it's okay to start spreading the word? Is it bad if the rest of them hear it through the grapevine? The VP, who knows, said to me "You may want to tell the principal before he hears it through the grapevine." I replied that I was kind of thinking that I'd rather he heard it through the grapevine, and she was like "Oh, well, that's up to you!" I'm not sure if she was meaning that he would be mad to find out from someone else. But I don't know how to tell him. Email? Write a message on our chalkboard in the staff room?

So awkward.

Last night Justin took another belly picture of me. It's been a few weeks since we've done one. This is my 11 week picture:

Kind of hard to hide, eh?

The Monster is Back

Apparently I spoke too soon about the nausea being way better. Saturday morning I was feeling pretty good, and then just before Justin was finished making breakfast my throat started to spasm and I almost threw up. I just sat really still like I always do and it went away.

Then I was eating eggs and toast, and I was feeling sick, but I often do when I’m eating. ¾ of the way through I really felt like I was going to throw up, which, again, is normal for me. Justin told me to go to the bathroom, but I didn’t because usually if I’m really still I can make it go away. Luckily he got up and got a garbage can for me because within 10 seconds I was puking up my entire breakfast. It was awful. It was sooo much food.

Then all day yesterday at the wedding we were at, I felt terrible. Even the loud music was making me more nauseous. There was this Italian guy singing (in Italian) and the speakers were turned up so high it was affecting my equilibrium and making me feel even worse than I already felt. I spent a lot of time outside the reception hall avoiding noises and smells. They pulled seafood out as one of the courses. Come on!

I’m putting my Diclectin doses back to where they were, since obviously I still need it.

Baby Ultrasound #2

I finally drove the hour to the RE on Friday so I could have a random reassurance ultrasound and everything was perfect. Our little baby looked like a real little baby! It was so neat to see. S/he was so adorable and measured perfectly and still had a heartbeat of 146bpm (which is strange, since it was 146 bpm on August 11).

The ultrasound pictures didn't turn out as clear as the actual ultrasound. The baby is straight up and down, head on top:

In this picture, the body isn't as clear but you can see a little arm fisted in front of his/her face:

I think I'm comfortable telling "the world" now, since I've read in a few places that once you hit 10 weeks if you have a normal ultrasound with a heartbeat, the chance of miscarriage goes down to 1%. Apparently 10 weeks is the big milestone, not 12 weeks/3 months. And I'm 11 weeks, so I'm golden.

I bought a pair of maternity jeans on my way home. Unfortunately, Motherhood Maternity only had 2 types of maternity pants in long (I'm tall, and the normal pants were like floods on me), and only the jeans were in my size. So I still don't have maternity pants I can wear to work. I only have the tummy sleeve, which is really starting to drive me up the wall. It's fine when you're staying sitting or staying standing, but when you're sitting down and standing up repeatedly, you have to adjust your pants under the sleeve and then the sleeve over your pants, and then the camisole I wear on top of the sleeve - it's so much work! Now I know what size I am at that store though, so I'm going to try and order a pair of pants online.

First Day Back

10 weeks 1 day

I had my first day back at work today, but without students. We had our big staff meeting and right up until it was my turn to "share," I didn't know what I was going to do. Tell, or not tell?

I did not tell them that I'm pregnant. I have a couple of reasons for this.

1. I really want to have another ultrasound and know there's a heartbeat before I announce it to the entire world. Sure, a pile of people already know, but if I announce it at school, automatically hundreds more people will know.

2. I was afraid that if I said I was pregnant, my principal would assign me all the extracurricular activities at the beginning of the year, so I'd be insanely busy while I'm exhausted and not feeling well, and then whoever takes my maternity leave from March onward would have nothing to do. So instead, I got assigned extracurriculars in a fair way that are spread out throughout the year, and one of them (track and field) happens completely after I'm on mat leave, so that's good for me. Less extra work.

3. My school owes me $900 for the course I took this summer, and I'm afraid if they find out I'm pregnant, suddenly something will "come up" and they won't pay me for it because I'm leaving in March for at least a year.

4. I still feel bad announcing I'm pregnant when my teaching partner just just a miscarriage in June. At 17 weeks.

Those are my issues. I don't know when I'm going to tell them. I'm only have four shirts that even slightly hide my belly, and even with them on people have probably noticed my round protuberance. Four shirts is enough to get me through the end of the week. Then I start teaching next Tuesday and maybe I'll wear all those shirts again. for that 4 day week.

My next ultrasound is next Friday. It's not that far away, but I really want to go to the R.E. for a impromptu ultrasound just to make sure there's a heartbeat. But it's an hour drive away, and I'd have to go alone because DH is already teaching. I really want to go (and I know you all day I should go, and I would give you the same advice), but I keep telling myself it's ridiculous.

I don't know what to do.

Pain in the...

10 weeks

For about a week I have been dealing with some pretty severe lower back pain. At first my husband was telling me it was from the walking lunges I did a week ago, because it did start soon after I did them. I thought that was a ridiculous excuse, because while I haven't exercised much in the 6 weeks since I found out I was pregnant, I was in fighting shape beforehand. Since I do (or did) Crossfit, it was all functional training, so my back shouldn't have hurt from doing a mere 20 walking lunges (I stopped after 20 because I really wasn't feeling well, and only did them because I was feeling guilty for being such a pile).

My back wouldn't still be hurting from that a week later, so I'm thinking it has to be pregnancy related. It is so painful. Everytime I stand up and have to walk I'm like, whimpering and going so slowly. Stairs are my nemesis. And sleeping? Forget it. My back KILLS even in bed, no matter what position I'm in. And switching positions is a nightmare. It almost makes me cry it hurts so much.

If it still hurts in a couple of weeks I'll talk to my OB about it at my next appointment. Until then, I refuse to take medication besides the Diclectin. I can handle extreme pain for my child, but nausea is the worst feeling in the world to me. However, I have been working on cutting back my dose. I was on the highest dose before (2 in the morning, 1 in the afternoon, and two at night). I cut back to just one in the morning. I tried cutting out the afternoon pill, but I really paid for it that evening, so I brought it back in.

On a different note: I usually eat every 2 hours because of nausea. If I wait longer, I start to feel really really crappy. But on Saturday for some reason time got away from me. I started to feel really crappy, so I sent Justin to go make some bacon and tomato sandwiches. But that takes a while. So by the time I started eating, I was sweating and shaking. And, I'm ashamed to admit, I started crying.

I think it was major blood sugar problems. I've only had that sweating and shaking thing once before, in first year university when I hadn't eaten in probably 18 hours. My vision actually started blacking out that time. But that was 18 hours, not 3.

Pregnancy sure does a number on you, doesn't it?

(FYI, I never did go to the RE for an ultrasound. They're so far away and it was just too hard to find the time to go. Today I'm having someone over from out of town, and tomorrow I start work again, so I think I'll just wait for my ultrasound next Friday. It's only a week and a half away. Plus, Justin said that since I'm still feeling like crap and my baby bump is definitely growing, so I shouldn't be concerned. I'm trying to believe him.)

Nervous

I have to admit, I am getting nervous about the idea that perhaps our baby has died and we don't know it because it was a missed miscarriage. I know that those are the least common type of miscarriage, and that since our 7 week ultrasound was perfect we had an over 90% chance of everything going on to be perfectly healthy. But I just know of too many people who miscarried, and too many who have had missed miscarriages, and I can't get over my fears.

I think part of it has to do with the fact that I'm going back to work soon and I'm going to need to tell my staff and tell the students. And I guess before I do that I want to be absolutely sure that everything is still okay. But is it worth driving an hour to the RE and asking for another ultrasound for no real reason? I know he said we could get an ultrasound done if we ever felt we needed one, but I'd feel like such an idiot. Can't you just see it?

Receptionist: "Hi, what can we do for you today."

Me: Um, I'm about 10 weeks pregnant and I need another ultrasound."

Receptionist: "Is there a reason? Have you been bleeding or cramping?"

Me: "No, I'm just afraid."

I'd look like such an idiot. Not to mention my husband thinks I'm being ridiculous. My next ultrasound is in two weeks. Should I just wait until then? I'm getting to the point where I don't want to tell anyone else I'm pregnant because I'm afraid I'd tell them and then go for an ultrasound and then find out the baby died.

I don't know what to do.

My Mind is Racing

My brain is starting to go at a thousand miles a minute. I feel like there are so many things on my mind, but so much is up in the air right now! In my psycho-list-maker fashion, these are my thoughts:

-I have to sign insurance papers by Wednesday, but I have to go all the way into town to do that and I don't want to go all the way into town.

-School is starting up soon and I didn't know what my schedule was going to be like between rousource time and grade 5/6 time. I found out today.

-I also found out today that I'm going to be spending 50 minutes a week in the kindergarten room... what in the world am I going to do with them? And when will those 50 minutes be? I want them on Friday but kindergarten is only there every other Friday. Which would mean that every other Friday I'd have to spend 100 minutes in there... but how would that affect my resource time?

-I still don't know what subjects I'm going to be teaching in 5/6. What if I get stuck with a ton of subjects that don't have much classtime assigned to them (socials, science, bible, P.E., Health, Art, etc), but still take way more prep than the subjects that have more classtime assigned to them. I'm not comfortable fighting the other teacher for the subjects I really want.

-I am pissed off because back in June we decided to put 5/6 in the old 2/3 room, so I moved everything in there. Now I found out that it's going to be in the old 6/7 room so all that work was for nothing. I don't want to have to go move all that stuff again! When am I going to have time to do that?

-How much time am I going to have to figure out the resource program, IEPs, and my resource schedule before I start seeing kids?

-I used to want the baby's room to be done in greens, but now I don't really think I want that.

-I think I want to go with light blues instead. A light grey-blue. But do I want to go with kind of a light grey-blue green?

-If I ever decide on a colour, when will we have time to paint that room? And can I even paint it, since I'm pregnant? If I give it to Justin to paint will it ever get done? How many coats will it need? When should we paint the room by?

-I can't find bedding that would go with this colour scheme. I don't want cheesy bedding with animals and letters and numbers and Winnie the Pooh. I just want nice, muted colours and simple patterns that don't scream "I'M A BABY!"

-Should I just shop for bedding seperates, since babies aren't supposed to use the comforter anyway? Will I even be able to find bedding seperates that I like? And if I do, should I buy them right away or register for them?

-When am I even going to have a baby shower? I don't want to wait until I'm at the end of my third trimester and be running around like crazy trying to get stuff ready when I'm huge and uncomfortable and tired all the time.

-What kind of crib do we want? Dark brown or white wood? If we go with white, like I'm leaning towards after coming up with my new colour scheme ideas, the only glider I can find that comes in white wood has bright blue cushions, and I don't want bright blue cushions. That's ugly. But I think I do want a white crib.

-Will my inlaws/grandparent-in-laws really buy our baby furniture for us like they said they would? They say a lot of things that don't end up happening.

-If we register for baby furniture, what if they don't buy it all? We need a crib, dresser, change table (or combination of both), and rocker. If we buy it ourselves I don't want to spend the money on brand new stuff. But what if they only end up buying the crib? Then we have this beautiful crib and we'd have to find second hand furniture for the rest of the pieces. Then things wouldn't match, and there's no use in having a beautiful, expensive crib if there rest of the pieces don't match it.

-Am I still going to be sick when I go back to work?

-How do I tell my staff that I'm pregnant? A co-worker just had a miscarriage in June and I feel guilty.

-What if we tell people that I'm pregnant and then go for the ultrasound on the 11th and our baby has died? The idea of a "missed miscarriage" terrifies me. How common are those? It scares me to think that you could think everything is fine and then go to an appointment and find out your baby died weeks ago, even though you had no signs.

That last one I try really hard not to think about. I try to make myself feel better by thinking of the teacher at my school who was pregnant. In June, she went to an appointment at 17 weeks and found out the baby died at 14 weeks. What are the odds that would happen twice in less than 6 months in the same school with a staff of like 12 people?

I wish I could take a pill that would stop my mind from racing.

News, Clothes, and Nausea

9 weeks

I told most of my extended family that I'm pregnant at a party on Saturday. I tried a couple of times before it finally worked. One time my Beppe (Grandma) asked me to go to the kitchen to get her some napkins. I stood up and said, right to her face, "Sure, ask the pregnant lady." She was sitting beside my aunt's boyfriend, Don, and neither of them heard it. Everybody else in the room (siblings and my dad, all who already knew I was pregnant) heard it, except the people who didn't know. It was hilarious, so Justin and I decided to see how many times I could mention it with nobody paying any attention.

Another time I was sitting next to my aunt and Justin was leaving to go somewhere with my brother, but had just opened a beer. He jokingly offered it to me (not that I'd drink it even if I wasn't pregnant, because I hate beer) and I said "No thanks, I don't want to deal with fetal alcohol syndrome." Once again everyone who already knew I was pregnant heard it, but the people who didn't know didn't pay attention.

There was one other instance where I said something that no one clued into, but I can't remember it. Finally I was telling my Aunt Sonja (who already knew) that I had seen a shirt right before the party that said "Good things come in big bellies" and that I should have bought it and worn it, since everybody in my family seems to be clueless. My Uncle Rick overheard me say that I should have worn that shirt and he asked "What shirt?" I told him and he was like "Really?!?" And got up to give me a hug. Eventually everyone wanted to know what this shirt said and I told them. It took several seconds for them to clue in, but then everyone was really excited. It was fun. Too bad Justin was gone though. He missed it.

It was a good thing I told them, because I was wearing a loose flowy shirt and people still noticed my bump. And my Pake (Grandpa) apparently knew I was pregnant right when he looked at me. Apparently my face "looks pregnant." My mom said the same thing a couple of weeks ago. I was like "What? Do I have a fat face?" And they were like "No, you just look pregnant. It's all over your face."

I'm still not convinced that they're not telling me my face is fat.

On our way to the party, which was 2 1/2 hours away, we stopped at a maternity store and I got 11 maternity shirts and 2 camisoles. They were on sale and I had to take advantage - the closest maternity store is an hour away from where I live. I bought all fitted T-shirts, because I figure that in the winter I always wear a sweater over all my shirts anyway, even if they're long sleeved. And this way I can wear them now and still wear them in the winter. I wanted to buy maternity pants (specifically jeans) but I'm kind of expecting my hips and butt to grow at some point and I don't want to grow OUT of my maternity pants. So I think I'll wait a bit still... although now I'm wishing I had just gotten them. The tummy sleeve works well with my capris, but I tried it with a pair of jeans yesterday and it wasn't as comfortable, especially when you're frequently sitting down and standing up.

My nausea has seemed to be a bit more under control lately, so I've tried cutting my morning dose of Diclectin from two pills down to one pill. I thought I should do this before work starts again, to see how I react to the change. Both yesterday and today I haven't been feeling all that great in the mornings and afternoons... this morning I almost threw up on several occasions. I'll give it a few more days and see if I adjust. Otherwise I'm increasing that dose again.