When River was 6.5 months I started “sleep training” him. This is my record of the process. I’m posting this today because it’s the last day of January, and January is when I began.
So, I’ve determined that River’s horrible sleep is due to him being unwilling to fall asleep without nursing. If he would just nurse 3-5 times a night this would be tolerable, but when he wakes up more often than every hour, or 5 minutes after I unlatch him, I find this unacceptable. Because it happens ALL THE TIME. It’s not just occasional. It’s the rule.
So I decided to do something about it.
Night one
The first night he woke up shortly after nursing at 11:30pm and cried. He cried for an hour and a half and any attempt by me to soothe him seemed to make everything worse. Eventually I just had to roll away from him and stop trying. He slept “better” the rest of the night. (I didn’t record any more details for this night)
Night two
The next night he did his usual thing that he does at bedtime. He nurses and then pops off and starts crying and arching his back and trying to squirm out of my arms. What we normally do is I put him down for a few minutes and then pick him back up and nurse him to sleep. Sometimes this can repeat itself 3 or 4 times, which at 6.5 months old is pretty lame. So instead, when he popped off and started crying and squirming, I put him down and laid down beside him. Again, I tried to comfort him but he wasn’t having any of it. So after 15 minutes I rolled away from him. In total he cried for 20 minutes, then went quiet for 10 minutes, and then cried/fussed for 5 minutes, and then went to sleep. (I didn’t record any details of the rest of the night)
Night three
This night, after I was all committed to this plan, he nursed to sleep completely calmly. That has happened maybe five times in his life. And honestly I love nursing my kids to sleep so I didn’t have it in me to unlatch him and put him down awake. So I let him fall asleep. He woke up after 45 minutes and started crying. THIS TIME was different. I offered him comfort and it didn’t make it worse. He cried for 5-10 minutes, but I never had to turn away from him, and he fell asleep with me cuddling him, without nursing.
The past two nights I have also been unlatching him sooner when he nurses in the middle of the night, instead of letting him nurse for 15-20 minutes (because he pretty much gets all the milk in the 3-4 minutes after I let down). He has been fine with rolling over and going back to sleep.
He’s still nursing about every 2 hours, but that’s better than before. I did get a 3 hour chunk each night, and he’s being less obnoxious about insisting he has a nipple in his mouth if he’s even semi conscious.
I feel like I am going through this kind of blind. No internet information covers my situation. I don’t want to stop cosleeping. I don’t want to night wean. I just want my kid to be a little more reasonable at night with his wakeups.
My problem is that if I do what i WANT to do, which is respond to every wake up and nurse him, he gets out of control and asks too much of me. I can’t sleep with him attached to my nipple all night, nor do I think I should be expected to at this age. He’s not a newborn.
I do NOT want to stop nursing overnight. I also don’t want to stop nursing to sleep if he will peacefully fall asleep doing that.
But I refuse to nurse him a million times a night. I don’t want to nurse him if it hasn’t been at least 2 hours. Nutritionally he doesn’t need it more often than that. And he clearly has had zero ability to fall asleep without nursing, and this was causing a problem. It didn’t cause this much of a problem with Isaiah. He would wake up a few times a night and that was fine. But River isn’t like that.
All the sleep training articles have me all freaked out that I’m just going to confuse him by nursing him at some wake ups and not nursing him at others. I think I just have to ignore all that stuff. If I nurse him to sleep at every single wake up my nights are a nightmare. But I also refuse to night wean. It’s waaaay too early. He’s too young.
Night four
I was originally thinking that River peacefully fell asleep while nursing, again. But then he popped off and nicely tried to get out of my lap. So I laid him down and he acted like he was asleep for a minute, so then I was fist pumping that it was so easy. And then he started rolling around at 8:20. And he rolled around all tired, but not crying, for about 15 minutes. Then he started rolling around whining and moaning for awhile. Then this progressed into fussing and very mild crying. So I backed off from laying my head on his bed and trying to soothe him by touching him. I just laid still beside him. Within a couple of minutes of that, at like 8:57, he went quiet and fell asleep.
The good news is that even though it took awhile, there wasn’t much actual crying. And the crying that did happen was VERY mild.
He slept in 2.5-2.75 hour chunks, which is really good for him. Only three wake ups total. The night before he only nursed three times but had more than three wakeups where he cried out and then went back to sleep independently.
Night five
Last night River nursed, but popped off before he was asleep and squirmed to get out of my arms. I laid him down and laid down beside him (like always). He didn’t cry at all, and went to sleep within 5-10 minutes. He slept two 4 hour chunks, nursing after each one. Then he was awake for about half an hour, but went back to sleep on his own, without crying, for about an hour and a half.
So only two wake ups! Amazing! That has maybe happened twice in his life before this.
He seems to be following in Isaiah’s footsteps with these long awake periods. That’s annoying. But I’ll take this over nursing him 8 times a night.
Night six
River has slept SO WELL tonight, and I’ve slept like crap. He went to sleep with no crying around 8:45 I think. He only woke up to nurse once, at 2:30. He slept until 7:07am
After his 2:30 nurse he had another short awake period and went right back to sleep on his own without crying again. He just played with my hand gently for a couple of minutes. Like it was his lovey.
Which reminds me, I need to get him a lovey.
Night seven
Last night River wouldn’t nurse to sleep. When I laid him down he started crying almost immediately, and there’s been so little crying lately that it made me pick him back up and try nursing him again. After five minutes he just wasn’t having any of it so I laid him back down. He started to fuss and cry again after a few minutes, so I pushed a Pup toward him. He ended up soothing himself by sucking on Pup’s tag. He fell asleep peacefully. Then he was up after 2 hours, 2 hours, 2 hours, and 3 hours. Then he stayed awake for about half an hour, but he’d only had nine hours of sleep and really didn’t seem ready to be awake for the day, so I didn’t get him up. He started crying, but I knew if I tried to hold him it would just prolong everything so I just laid quietly beside him. The crying only lasted about three minutes and hen he went back to sleep for another hour and a half.
Night eight
I thought River was nursing to sleep. He popped off after about 10 minutes and his eyes were closed. I laid him down and he kept him eyes closed for about a minute. Then he opened them and started fussing. I did my comforting, handed him his lovely, etc. The fussing/mild crying was off and on for about ten minutes. Eventually I just had to lay there next to him and stop touching him. He went to sleep. He slept 5 hours straight, then nursed at 2. He slept two more hours, and nursed at 4. He woke up again at 5:15 crying, so I nursed him, but he popped off before I even let down. Between 5:15 and 7:35 there were several instances where he woke up and cried a little (maybe 10 seconds of crying each time). It was probably 3-5 times. Each time I just waited to see what would happen, but he went quiet so quickly I didn’t have to do anything.
Night nine
River cried for quite awhile at the beginning of the night. He refused to nurse and I kept trying to comfort him. I think that was my mistake. He didn’t want to be comforted. I finally left him alone and he went quiet within a few minutes. I think he cried for half an hour, only going quiet a few times.
He fell asleep at 9:30. He woke up at 10:30 and I tried to nurse him since he hadn’t nursed since 8. I nursed him for a good 15 minutes because I don’t think I ever had a let down. Eventually I had to go to the bathroom pretty badly so I unlatched him. He went to sleep fine. He slept until 3:15. He woke up and nursed. Then he slept right through until 7:30.
Night ten
River actually nursed to sleep peacefully tonight. He fell asleep at 8:30. He woke up at 9:07 and cried (not hard) for two minutes. Then he went back to sleep. At 9:30 he cried out, then went back to sleep. At 10:30 he woke up and I tried to nurse him, but after 15 minutes I still hadn’t had a let down. I unlatched him. At 11:30 he woke up and I nursed him (with a let down). At 1:45ish he woke again and I nursed him.
Then at 3:30 he woke again and I was like wtf is happening tonight?! I knew he wasn’t hungry so I just laid my hand on him. He stayed awake for 45 minutes. For most of it he was just laying there quietly with his eyes open. Eventually he was crying, but it wasn’t a hard cry, it was more of a gentle complainy cry. He fell asleep on his own, which I think was the whole problem with the night.
Night eleven
River nursed to sleep at 8. He woke up to nurse 3 times overnight, and woke up for he day at 7:15. The nursing sessions were short, like they are during the day. Just long enough to get the milk. His night was longer than it usually is.
Night twelve
River nursed to sleep at 8. He woke up to nurse at 12:15. He was a bit restless getting back to sleep, squirming and making little noises for awhile. But he did it. Then he woke up at 2:40 and stayed awake until 3:20. I tried to nurse him three times in that period, but each time he latched for one second and then immediately popped off. He clearly wasn’t hungry. He seemed like he was trying to sleep the whole time but just couldn’t. He was mostly quiet, but he did do some soft moany cries.
His last wake up was at 6. He seemed pretty hungry, which makes sense since he didn’t nurse for 6 hours. He popped off 3-4 minutes after my letdown. He was semi awake but went to sleep after some squirming and a few noises.
He slept until 8am.
Night thirteen
River didn’t fall asleep nursing. I laid him down and he went to sleep on his own with zero fussing. I’m not sure how long it took. He was still moving occasionally after 20 minutes, but a lot of time was spent laying still.
He nursed briefly twice overnight and woke up at 7:30.
Night fourteen
Once again River didn’t fall asleep nursing. I put him down and he squirmed and rolled around for about 20 minutes, but didn’t fuss or cry at all. He was asleep by about 9:15.
He woke up kind of upset at 11:15. I tried to nurse him but my letdown took too long and he wasn’t interested. He cried very briefly and went back to sleep.
He woke up again at 4:20. He nursed and went back to sleep. Same thing happened at 6:15, except he was very awake and going back to sleep took a bit longer (it wasn’t difficult though).
He woke up for the day at 7:30.
Night fifteen
River didn’t nurse to sleep. He quietly rolled around for 20 minutes and fell asleep around 9:20. He woke up to nurse at 2:15. Then he woke up at 6:20. He nursed, then stayed awake for awhile. He fell asleep around 7am until 8:40. Once again, a night with no fussing at all!
Night sixteen
River didn’t nurse to sleep. There was some fussing at the beginning of this night. It took River almost half an hour to fall asleep, and the first 10-15 minutes were a bit volatile. He was moving all over the bed and was acting kind of angry. He didn’t cry or fuss continuously, but he had several very angry cries that lasted 10-15 seconds. It really wasn’t too bad, though. He accepted comfort from me, spent some time holding my hand, laid his head on me... that sort of thing.
He woke up to nurse three times overnight. Then he was pretty restless from 5:10 onward, and needed human contact to continue sleeping during much of that time. He woke up for the day at 8.
***
I think I accomplished my goal. We’re still cosleeping. I’m still night nursing. But River knows how to fall asleep “independently”, and he has way fewer wakeups.
I consider this operation to be a success!
