I'm a bit behind.
Last week on Wednesday November 16 I had ultrasound #2. Baby measured perfectly at 8 weeks 1 day, and the heartrate was 167.
This past week I had an ultrasound on Tuesday November 22. Baby measured 9 weeks 1 day, and the heartrate was 180. S/he was so much bigger. You could see the arms and legs, and it was wiggling around. It was so cute. I wish we could have watched it longer, but our ultrasound tech has 20 years of experience so she's super fast.
I have another ultrasound booked for next Friday. I'll be 10.5 weeks. Since this past Sunday I've been finding the heartbeat really easily with the Doppler (I bought a new one), so I figured as long as I can find the heartbeat at home I could stretch it to a week and a half, which would put it right in the middle of the 3 week wait between the 9 week ultrasound and the 12 week ultrasound.
My belly is pretty big and hard to hide. Soon I won't have to. But I'm not really looking forward to announcing it to anyone. I already had enough "cautious reactions" to this pregnancy and don't feel like dealing with any more of them.
Today was my due date with Shiloh. It's a sad day here, but I'm trying not to dwell on it.
Friday, November 25, 2016
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Ultrasound #1
I had my first ultrasound yesterday at 7 weeks 1 day. I was really nervous before hand, especially considering the fact that the last time I went for an ultrasound, my baby was dead. It went well, though. I saw the heartbeat right away, and it clocked in at 146bpm. The baby also measured exactly to the day s/he was supposed to, according to when I ovulated. That was a relief, since in my last pregnancy when I went for an ultrasound at 8 weeks 3 days the baby only measured 7 weeks 4 days, and then died within a week afterward.
The baby looked weird to me. Not that kind of peanut/kidney bean shape, but just a strange triangle shape the whole time. It was weird. But of course I'll be concerned about anything.
I still don't feel confident, so the doctor booked me in for another ultrasound next week. She said I might as well come in every week if that is what's going to help me manage my anxiety about this. I was hemming and hawing because I didn't want to seem crazy, I wanted to be a reasonable person who can go weeks between ultrasounds. But she clearly saw that probably wouldn't be a great decision for me, so she booked me in and told me I could always cancel it if I want to.
As for symptoms... my breasts are bigger, and they hurt more now than they did a week and a half ago. I can't feel my uterus much these days because it's not contracting a lot like it did at the beginning (the same thing happened in my other pregnancies at this point), but my belly is stupidly huge for 7 weeks (as usual). I am so tired. And I'm not as sick as a dog like I was in my first two pregnancies, but I have definite food aversions (to things I usually love) and gross icky feelings, and sometimes have full on nausea. It's completely tolerable at this point, though.
My resting heart rate has gone all the way down to 64, from when it was 74 shortly after I got pregnant. That is so weird to me because it is the opposite of what is supposed to happen - your heartrate is supposed to go up at this point in pregnancy and stay up. And last time it was a bad sign. But last time my heartrate went down once the baby died, and this time it's been going down for the past 3 weeks and everything is fine so far, so I guess it's just a weird fluke.
The baby looked weird to me. Not that kind of peanut/kidney bean shape, but just a strange triangle shape the whole time. It was weird. But of course I'll be concerned about anything.
I still don't feel confident, so the doctor booked me in for another ultrasound next week. She said I might as well come in every week if that is what's going to help me manage my anxiety about this. I was hemming and hawing because I didn't want to seem crazy, I wanted to be a reasonable person who can go weeks between ultrasounds. But she clearly saw that probably wouldn't be a great decision for me, so she booked me in and told me I could always cancel it if I want to.
As for symptoms... my breasts are bigger, and they hurt more now than they did a week and a half ago. I can't feel my uterus much these days because it's not contracting a lot like it did at the beginning (the same thing happened in my other pregnancies at this point), but my belly is stupidly huge for 7 weeks (as usual). I am so tired. And I'm not as sick as a dog like I was in my first two pregnancies, but I have definite food aversions (to things I usually love) and gross icky feelings, and sometimes have full on nausea. It's completely tolerable at this point, though.
My resting heart rate has gone all the way down to 64, from when it was 74 shortly after I got pregnant. That is so weird to me because it is the opposite of what is supposed to happen - your heartrate is supposed to go up at this point in pregnancy and stay up. And last time it was a bad sign. But last time my heartrate went down once the baby died, and this time it's been going down for the past 3 weeks and everything is fine so far, so I guess it's just a weird fluke.
Thursday, November 3, 2016
Betas
Here are the betas from my 4th pregnancy:
168 - 14 DPO (October 18)
226 - 15 DPO (October 19)
362 - 16 DPO (October 20)
932 - 18 DPO (October 22)
2008 - 20 DPO (October 24)
6441 - 23 DPO (October 27)
I've had so many done because I'm super nervous. My heart rate originally went up to 74 when I got pregnant, but has decreased over the past 2 weeks to 65 today. This worries me because it was one of the signs of my missed miscarriage last time - my heart rate started decreasing at exactly the time my baby died. My betas were going up properly during the first week that y heart rate was decreasing, so I stopped doing them. But it's gone down by 3bpm since then and is now way lower than it was before I got pregnant (normal for me is 60-65, but when I was so ill this summer my resting heart rate went up to somewhere in the 80's and never recovered back to normal. Before pregnancy it was 69-71 normally).
I'm 6 weeks 2 days today and don't really have any nausea. I feel like I'm getting carsick easier, and I have periods where I feel icky, and I'm having some mild food aversions sometimes, but nothing that really screams "pregnancy symptoms!!" at me.
My breasts have grown and are somewhat sore, but it's also not unbearable.
I'm super hungry all the time and I'm watching what and how much I eat (I have to eat Paleo because it helps control my autoimmune disease, and grains cause it to flare, so it's not like I can pig out on refined carbohydrates all day like I kind of did in my first two pregnancies to help control hunger and nausea). But I have a weakness for chocolate and I'm put on a few pounds recently, possibly as a result of too many chocolate covered almonds. My weight was still low after my flare up, so I can afford a few extra pounds, and I don't mind gaining weight for a good cause. But I would really rather not gain a bunch of weight and end up with no baby like I did last time. Carrying extra weight after dealing with a miscarriage is just a pickle on top of a huge crap sandwich.
They say every pregnancy is different but I just can't buy into that for my personal situation. My two successful pregnancies were very similar, and it was my unsuccessful pregnancy that was different and easier. I guess I'm just so nervous something is going to go wrong, I just want to be miserably pregnant. I want all the signs and symptoms to be torturing me so that I feel like everything is okay. Because my last pregnancy was the time that symptoms weren't torturing me. The symptoms were mild, and it turned out to be a very bad sign for me.
I know there's still time for the nausea to come. I was super sick at this point in my pregnancy with Noah, but it wasn't terrible at this point in my pregnancy with Isaiah. It was pretty bad by 7 weeks, so I still have "time" to get bad.
My ultrasound is in 6 days. My main goal in life right now is to try to not think about it, to not dwell on the anxiety. There's nothing I can do to change the outcome.
168 - 14 DPO (October 18)
226 - 15 DPO (October 19)
362 - 16 DPO (October 20)
932 - 18 DPO (October 22)
2008 - 20 DPO (October 24)
6441 - 23 DPO (October 27)
I've had so many done because I'm super nervous. My heart rate originally went up to 74 when I got pregnant, but has decreased over the past 2 weeks to 65 today. This worries me because it was one of the signs of my missed miscarriage last time - my heart rate started decreasing at exactly the time my baby died. My betas were going up properly during the first week that y heart rate was decreasing, so I stopped doing them. But it's gone down by 3bpm since then and is now way lower than it was before I got pregnant (normal for me is 60-65, but when I was so ill this summer my resting heart rate went up to somewhere in the 80's and never recovered back to normal. Before pregnancy it was 69-71 normally).
I'm 6 weeks 2 days today and don't really have any nausea. I feel like I'm getting carsick easier, and I have periods where I feel icky, and I'm having some mild food aversions sometimes, but nothing that really screams "pregnancy symptoms!!" at me.
My breasts have grown and are somewhat sore, but it's also not unbearable.
I'm super hungry all the time and I'm watching what and how much I eat (I have to eat Paleo because it helps control my autoimmune disease, and grains cause it to flare, so it's not like I can pig out on refined carbohydrates all day like I kind of did in my first two pregnancies to help control hunger and nausea). But I have a weakness for chocolate and I'm put on a few pounds recently, possibly as a result of too many chocolate covered almonds. My weight was still low after my flare up, so I can afford a few extra pounds, and I don't mind gaining weight for a good cause. But I would really rather not gain a bunch of weight and end up with no baby like I did last time. Carrying extra weight after dealing with a miscarriage is just a pickle on top of a huge crap sandwich.
They say every pregnancy is different but I just can't buy into that for my personal situation. My two successful pregnancies were very similar, and it was my unsuccessful pregnancy that was different and easier. I guess I'm just so nervous something is going to go wrong, I just want to be miserably pregnant. I want all the signs and symptoms to be torturing me so that I feel like everything is okay. Because my last pregnancy was the time that symptoms weren't torturing me. The symptoms were mild, and it turned out to be a very bad sign for me.
I know there's still time for the nausea to come. I was super sick at this point in my pregnancy with Noah, but it wasn't terrible at this point in my pregnancy with Isaiah. It was pretty bad by 7 weeks, so I still have "time" to get bad.
My ultrasound is in 6 days. My main goal in life right now is to try to not think about it, to not dwell on the anxiety. There's nothing I can do to change the outcome.
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