8 Weeks 2 Days - Heartbeat!

I found the heartbeat this morning!  It was the exact same process as it was when I was pregnant with Isaiah: I looked for it for days, knowing I probably wouldn't find it yet, and then at 8 weeks 2 days I found it!  I think it's a funny coincidence that I found it at 8 weeks 2 days both times (I didn't have a Doppler with Noah's pregnancy).

I found it a few times.  The first time I thought I was recording it, but it turned out my phone was out of storage.  I tried to find it again after I made some room on my phone.  It took awhile, and at one point I gave up and wiped all the gel off my belly.  Then I was like "Whatever, I'm trying again."  And I found it after a few minutes.  I got it recorded that time!  I was afraid to even breathe because it's so easy to lose it at this point because the heart is so tiny.  But I recorded it for about a minute.

Tomorrow is my first ultrasound, so I'll go into it far less nervous than I might have been otherwise.

As for other symptoms:

-I am not nearly as sick as I was with Noah and Isaiah, but I feel like garbage a lot of the time.  With my other pregnancies, especially Noah's, I felt like I was 2 seconds away from throwing up at all times. If I even turned my head to the side my stomach would lurch.  I was useless.  I was similarly ill with Isaiah, but it was better controlled by the Diclectin (which I was also on with Noah, but I took more when Isaiah's pregnancy so it worked better).  With this pregnancy, I almost always have that feeling I get before I get the stomach flu, where I'm like "Huh... I feel really gross... I feel like I'm going to wake up at 1am puking my guts out."  So it's like a constant mild nausea.  But it's tolerable.  I can still function.  I just can't do much extra functioning.  I don't want to move around too much, so I'm not lifting weights or going for walks or doing any of that normal stuff I was doing everyday before I was pregnant.

-My body is already being stupid.  I spent two days with a leg that really hurt, then 4 days with a foot that really hurt, then 3 days with a hip that hurt so bad I could barely walk.  I didn't do anything to hurt myself for any of those things.

-My pubic bones hurts a bit (it started hurting at 5 weeks), but it's not bad.  Sometimes I don't feel the discomfort, other times I do.  I'm being careful about how I move, though.  No more lunges.

-I'm insanely, painfully hungry at all times.  It's awful how hungry I am.  I have tried to keep things under control and not overeat too much, but I've still gained 8 lbs in 4 weeks.  I've realized that as much as I try not to, it is my lot in life to gain crazy amounts of weight in the first trimester.  It's happened every time.  Yesterday was the first day I wasn't in extreme discomfort from hunger all day, and it's because I ate leftover pizza for breakfast, and pizza at my parents' for lunch.  So maybe I should just eat pizza for all my meals.  I'd probably actually end up netting less calories that way than I currently am, because nothing else fills me up.

-I'm peeing all the time.  That started sometime after 6 weeks.  And it's the "I really have to pee right now!" thing, and then when you go there's not nearly as much pee as it felt like there would be.

-I'm hating chicken.  I always cook up big batches of chicken breasts and keep them in my fridge so I have heathy protein to eat all the time, but I can't stomach that chicken now.  I can't stand the seasonings I always use on it (which I usually love), and I can't think of any other way to prepare it with the stuff I have on hand.  Or even the stuff I could buy at the store. 

-My boobs still hurt.

-My belly is still big.  I don't have an 8 week picture, but this one is from 7 weeks 4 days.

I've been hiding it with  cardigans (to hide the side view) paired with thick, long infinity scarves, but it's not working great anymore.  I can hide it with one of Justin's hoodies (he's way bigger than me), but we're finally getting warm weather here and I'm not going to be able to keep wearing scarves and hoodies.

I wouldn't mind people knowing, especially now that I've found the heartbeat, but I'm just actually embarrassed by how big I get so quickly.  I don't look forward to the "How far along are you?" questions and having to answer with such a low number.  And people think "Holy crap, how many oreos did you eat?!"  I feel shame.  Haha.  Why does this happen to me?

I think there's a few other things I could mention, but I can't remember them now and I need to move on with my day!

6 Weeks 4 Days

I'm in my paranoid phase.

I'm not sick yet.  My uterus is contracting less, so I can't feel it as easily as I could last week. (It's about halfway to my belly button when I CAN feel it.)

Basically I'm convinced the baby has died. I'm glad I documented my previous pregnancies so well, because this is exactly what I felt at this exact point in my pregnancy with Isaiah. For these exact same reasons.  At least my crazy is consistent.

My ultrasound isn't until April 18, which is almost 2 weeks away. That was the soonest they would give me one. They wanted me to be 9 weeks, so I went by my last menstrual period so I would be "9 weeks," even though according to when I ovulated I'll be 8 weeks 3 days.

I'm in that ridiculous phase where I WANT to get nauseous so I'll feel like my pregnancy is progressing normally.  I recognize that is nuts, but I just need some reassurance. People keep saying "Maybe you won't get sick this time."  But that seems improbable, considering how sick I was in my previous two pregnancies.

This morning the thought of eating eggs grossed me out, and I eat eggs every morning.  My gag reflex is maybe slightly more sensitive.

I'm finally at the INTENSELY HUNGRY stage. I was hungry before now, but as of last night, I'm at the stage where I have to eat in the middle of the night because the hunger is so intense and painful.

Also I'm dealing with a lot of low blood pressure/low blood sugar symptoms. I frequently feel light headed, I'm often dizzy, and I get shaky and weak if I don't have enough food in my system.  I always have low blood pressure (normal for me is about 90/60), so the dizziness I normally have is even worse.

Somehow I've got to make it through the next two weeks without constantly thinking that my baby died.

Ok I have to run and make dinner.  I didn't realize how late it was.