It Doesn't Stop, Does It?

For the most part I live a fairly stress free existence.  This is in large part due to the fact that I'm a stay at home mom.  This has it's own stressors, because we are a single income family, but my husband works hard to provide for us, and always spends his "vacation time" from teaching to privately train clients.  Without that money we would be seriously strapped.

Anyway, sometimes when I feel like life is going really well (like when I get pregnant during my first round of fertility treatments, instead of my 6th, and when it's only one baby, instead of 6), the rest of the world decides that it needs to crap on me.  Or us, rather.

There are a few things in particular that are really weighing on Justin and I right now.

First, we put in a pool last summer.  We used 80% of our savings to do this, so we really hardly have anything left.  It was a decision that we really felt was best after weighing it carefully.  We told our pool guy (Steve) that we wanted to spend XX amount, and asked him what exactly would not be included in that price.  His reply was, "Pool toys?"  But seriously, he said, everything is included.

Well, after excavation was done, and the pool was assembled, we were informed that we would need to get an electrician to come.  This was not news to Steve, but it was to us.  I was concerned, and asked how much it would cost.  Steve made it sound like it was no big deal, maybe a few hundred dollars.  Steve was also supposed to get the electrician he uses to come do this last year when the pool went in, but he didn't.  That's another story.

So I finally got ahold of the electrician, 6 months later, who seems like a really nice guy.  He came to give us a quote.  He was not too happy with Steve, since a lot of the work he has to do should have been buried under the concrete, but he didn't come last summer, so it wasn't.  Steve also didn't leave much for him to work with (whatever that means).

Anyway, he called today with our quote.  Was it a few hundred dollars?  Ummm, no.

$1770.

What. The. Eff.

The guy said the fact that Steve didn't tell us about this cost in the first place is really brutal, because yes, we are being charged a few hundred dollars more (since the fact that he didn't do this before the pool was completed makes it more difficult), but the price would never have been a few hundred dollars.  Never.

So, this is stressful.  We have to dig into the miniscule amount of savings we have left (seriously, our savings account hasn't been this sad in a long time) to pay for this.  There goes the pool heater we were hoping to put in this summer.

Oh, but the pool heater?  Before we even found out about the electrical bill, we were already thinking we might not be able to afford to put it in this summer.  Because the problems don't stop there.

Ontario's premier, Dalton McGuinty (I'm honestly not sure what the equivalant is actually called in the U.S., but it's the equivalent to whoever runs each state) is crapping all over public sector workers.  As a teacher, Justin happens to be a public sector worker.  Its a new contract year for the teachers, as the last collective bargaining agreement was from 2008-2012.  McGuinty, the liberal leader and head of Ontario, who has always been great to teachers in the past, is completely disregarding the proper channels of collective bargaining and is shitting all over teachers.  I'm not going to get into everything right now, but the biggest issue is that he wants to completely restructure the pay grid AND give everyone a 2 year pay freeze.  As in, not just freeze the grid, but literally not let people move up in years experience and get the raise they are supposed to get each year until they hit 11 years of experience.

This is brutal.  We COUNT on that raise each year, and we are adding a child to our family in October, so we need it.  It seriously really sucks that a pay freeze is just being dictated at us like this.  I'm not even understanding how they are getting away with this.  And freaking McGuinty just got voted back in in 2011 (by the teachers, in large part, because he is supposed to have our backs)!  So we are stuck with him for the next four years.  You can almost guarantee he won't be getting back in, but that doesn't help us right now.

So, because of all this crap, the majority of which I'm not even getting into, a strike is probably pretty likely.  And if the teachers strike, they don't get paid.  And if my husband doesn't get paid, we have ZERO money coming into our house.  Remember how small our savings account is?  It literally doesn't even cover a months worth of living expenses.

Should have thought of this before putting in a pool?  Well, my husband has enough seniority that he would pretty much never get fired (plus he's fabulous at his job), and this came totally out of left field.  Everybody in education thought that all the strike crap got out of the way a couple of decades ago.  Teachers had to fight really hard to get where they are today, and things have been pretty good.  The last collective bargaining agreement was fantastic, so the fact that this is happening now is pretty much unfathomable.

Oh, but it doesn't stop there.

At the end of last week Justin's principal came to talk to him.  Apparently their school is losing a lot of kids next year.  A lot of kids.  Enough kids that they are in serious danger of losing 4-6 teachers.  They will lose some, but the principal doesn't know how many yet, and he didn't seem very hopeful about the situation.  Justin, who has 4 teachers underneath him in seniority at his school, is on that list.  He's number 5.

There are four people beneath him!  We thought he was guaranteed to stay there!  What school loses FIVE teachers in one school year?  That is absurd!  Justin would hopefully still have a job in the board (he would just be surplus at the school, not redundant with the board - I think this is a given, but right now I'm feeling like nothing is a given anymore).  But he would be moved to a different school.  And the board he teaches in is geographically enormous.  He could get put anywhere.  He could be an hour and a half away.

People, one of the reasons we put in a pool was because Justin was never. going. to. leave. his. school.  I wanted him to.  I wanted him to transfer to a school in the city we grew up (25 minutes away), where our parents live, where our church is, where the beach is, where he'd have to coach less, etc.  He said no way.  He was never going to leave.  Well, I pretty much hate living so far from my parents (25 minutes is far away when you have babies and little kids and live in a small rural town where there is nothing to do), but knew I would just have to make the best of it.  So one of the things we did to improve our quality of life was put in a pool.

We spent all our savings to put in a pool.  Now my husband's salary is being frozen and he is quite possibly being moved to a different school.  The closest he would be is 25 minutes away, but that would be too lucky. It wouldn't happen.  He'd probably end up at least 45 minutes away, maybe 90 minutes.

So what was the point in putting in a freaking pool in a house that we're probably going to want to move from if he gets transferred??  We're not movers!  There is nothing about the moving process that excites us, even the buying a new house thing.  We just want to stay in the same house for the majority of our lives.


When I think about this too much I get really overwhelmed.  I don't even understand how this is all happening.  I feel like everything was going so well, and things were so stable, and we knew what our situation was, etc. etc.  Now everything is up in the air.  I mean, the $1770 electrical bill sucks, but it's nothing compared to the pay freeze, which feels like nothing compared to the fact that my husband might get transferred up to an hour and a half away.

But put it all together?  Sometimes it feels like my world is spinning.

Actually, right now it's actually literally feels like my world is spinning.  No, really.  I have the spins.  This pregnant lady hasn't been feeling too hot today.

Spotting is Scary When You're Pregnant

Spotting is scary when you're pregnant.  I can't imagine how I would be feeling if I didn't have a doppler to make sure the little one's heart is still ticking away.

Last Friday I went to the bathroom and found some brown spotting.  I check the heartbeat almost everyday, so it didn't make my heart drop into my feet.  It only made it as far as my stomach.  Then I reminded myself that a) I just heard the heartbeat the day before, and b) The doctor told me after my 7 week ultrasound that I had an "implantation bleed" and would most likely experience some spotting at some point as a result of that.

I remained calm (well, not totally calm), continued to play downstairs with Noah, but as soon as we went upstairs I checked for the heartbeat.  Who wouldn't?

Then last night (early early Tuesday morning).  On one of my 6 bathroom trips I looked at my underwear and saw quite a bit of brown.  My heart started racing, which is not good for falling back to sleep at 3am.  I reminded myself that I just listened to the heartbeat on Monday afternoon, and the doctor said this would happen.  So relax, self.  I had to go to the bathroom two more times after that, and that sight definitely made me uneasy each time, so at around 6:45 I decided to turn on the light and use the doppler again.  Everything is good, heartbeat is super strong and easy to find, so that is reassuring.

But man, spotting is scary.  If I didn't have a doppler I would be driving to my RE as soon as humanly possible to check on the little Bambino.  I'd be convinced of all things gloom and doom.

Just an extra reason to convince me that spending $185 was worth it.  Not that I needed more reasons.

I can't lie, though, I still have a slight feeling of anxiety, and I'm definitely looking forward to my ultrasound this coming Monday!

Update on 'Stupid Friend Situation'

If you need a refresher, I posted about my stupid friend situation here and here.  A few weeks ago I stopped talking to my friend T, who wasn't being a very good friend at all.  That was on a Wednesday (don't things always happen on Wednesdays?)  On Friday evening she messaged me to tell me about a friend of hers who was selling her maternity clothes, who is the same size as me.  I thanked her for the heads up and told her I would check it out.  I wasn't going to full on ignore her.  I'm not like that.  While I didn't want to talk to her all the time anymore, it's not like I never wanted to speak to her again (although I wasn't going to bend over backwards to make that happen, either).

On Saturday I went to her friend's house to check out some of the clothes, and she wasn't there when she was supposed to be.  I texted T, asking if she had her number.  T replied later that night, sounding friendly, saying she hadn't had her phone and had been at her inlaws.  She asked me if I got it figured out, I replied with what had happened and told her I had.

That is the last time she 'talked' to me.

During the past few weeks I have been friendly a few times on facebook.  Just a comment on a picture, a comment on a status update, etc.  Like I said, I don't want to talk to her all the time, but that doesn't mean I never wanted to speak to her again.  Well, she must have decided she doesn't want to speak to me anymore, because there has been no acknowledgement of anything I said.

That's fine, I guess.  I kind of knew this was going to happen.  I knew there was no way to stop talking to her on a daily basis without it turning really weird.

In some ways it's like we "broke up".  I mean, I am enjoying my life more without talking to her all the time.  I feel more content with the little things in my life and in my house that aren't perfect, because I'm not always listening to her brag about all the things in her life that ARE perfect.  I actually can't believe how free I feel, how much better I feel.

You know how you feel after you break up with a boyfriend who wasn't a very good boyfriend?  At first, even if the relationship sucked, you still miss having "that person" in your life.  But then as you realize how much better your life is without him, you start to really dislike that person?  At one point he was one of the most important people in your life, but after you detach yourself from him, you don't even like anything about him anymore?  The distance helps you realize how bad it really was.  (For the record, I only had one relationship like that, but if you have had one, you know exactly what I'm talking about)

That's kind of how I feel.  I didn't realize she had actually been making my life worse until she was no longer in it.  Realizing that makes me not really like her very much. Maybe I wouldn't feel this way if she had been able to retain some semblance of friendliness toward me (like I did with her).  But since she decided that she won't even speak to me or acknowledge me, I am so annoyed by her.  Annoyed by everything she says and does.  I ended up blocking myself from seeing any of her facebook updates, because I was getting so irritated every time I saw something.  I just feel like she's bragging ALL the time.  Like, she posted a link to this playground they bought for their son C, saying it was "one" of his birthday presents.  It's a $1500 playground.  Nobody had even asked to see it. That's just bragging, in my opinion.  You don't need to post a link to the site that says how much "one" of his gifts costs.  Then she posted a picture of her and her husband with the caption "7 years ago".  They were outside; she was in a bra and underwear with heavy makeup.  It must have been at a modelling shoot.  But seriously, who posts that?  Like, if she wanted to post a picture of her and her boyfriend 7 years ago, can't she pick a picture where she's fully clothed?  Of course she can't, because she's bragging about how hot she is/was.

She didn't acknowledge Noah's birthday.  I had posted something about preparing for the birthday party, so maybe she thought that I ended up having a party and didn't invite her (which is true, but I didn't invite ANY of my friends, it was only family.)  Then, I finally announced my pregnancy to my friends on facebook last Friday, and she didn't acknowledge that.  Those are two areas where she could have just clicked a simple "like", because they were "big" things, but she made a point of not doing that.  Rude.

Do you see what I mean?  My attitude about her is bad.  Seeing her updates was making me feel annoyed.  I had unkind thoughts floating through my head all the time, and that's not how I want to or should be spending my days.

I really don't think there was any other way for this to go.  Even if I had been straight with her about what was going on, I don't think it would have turned out well.  There was just no way to go from talking everyday to being normal, casual friends.  It's a shame, but if I have the choice between talking to her everyday (with her acting the way she's been acting for the past 6+ months), and not even being friends at all, I would rather not even be friends at all.

I'll acknowledge C's birthday when it rolls around in a week and a half.  I'll congratulate her when she has her baby.  I'm not going to completely ignore her like she's doing to me.  But other than that, I guess I really AM done.  She's hasn't given me much choice otherwise.

11 Weeks (Belly Picture)

I realized I hadn't taken a picture in a couple of weeks, so here is 11 weeks 1 day!

Not the most flattering picture, and I'm in my pajama pants.  But I'm feeling kind of large.  Obviously I am in 100 percent maternity wear, unless it's stretchy pants like the ones above.

I've developed plantar fasciitis (bad foot pain, concentrated most strongly in the heel), which really sucks.  It came on really suddenly a couple of weeks ago.  I got some homeopathic cream and pills, and they are helping quite a bit, but it's still very painful.  It is more bearable if I do very limited walking, but if I even do something extra, like vacuuming my house, taking Noah to the park, going shopping, etc, my feet KILL, and I can't even make dinner.

I am still on 4 Diclectin a day, 2 in the morning and 2 at night.  This is two less than I was taking a few weeks ago.  I hardly ever have even a wave of nausea anymore because of it, which is great.

I am still insanely starving.  I have to eat a massive meal with tons of protein and carbs within an hour of going to bed, otherwise I am waking up starving several times and having to eat crackers.  Sometimes I actually have to get out of bed to go to the kitchen and get something more substantial.  It really sucks.  I am seriously over this whole 'starving' thing.  I don't WANT to have to eat this much before bed.  I am sick of it.  I don't want to eat like that late at night.  I am never in the mood for it, so I have to force feed myself on a daily basis.  

Sleep is going okay, as long as I have no interruptions.  I'm a bad sleeper to begin with, so anybody else would probably find the way I am sleeping to be torture.  I wake up probably 8-10 times a night, and pee no less than 3 times every night (that's with cutting my fluid consumption past dinner and peeing right before I go to bed).  Sometimes it's up to 6 times a night.  It's annoying, but unless I get hungry before I fall back asleep, I can usually fall back to sleep fairly quickly.

I'm still more tired than usual, but that may be improving slightly.  I'll need more time to be sure, though.

I haven't had much back pain so far, which is amazing!  My back started hurting really badly at 9 weeks with Noah, so I'm counting this a blessing!

My pubic bone hurts, but it's not intolerable, and I haven't injured it again yet, so that's a blessing too.

No bursitis in my hips yet, either.  Yay! 

Since 9 weeks I have been able to find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler within 5 seconds of putting the wand on my belly.  It's awesome!  This one's heartbeat is SO high!  It's never been lower than 165, and it is usually between 170 to 180.  I know there is nothing to the old wives tale that girl's heartbeats are high and boy's are low, but I've got nothing else to go on right now, so of course it makes me wonder:)  Honestly though, I really don't have a preference.  I would love to have either.  A girl would be nice, because I don't have one, and I've always wanted to have that adult mother-daughter relationship (which is different than with sons).  However, I LOVE having a little boy, and I would love to have another little boy.  Noah and this baby will be 2.5 years apart, and having two boys "close together" would be nice for the two of them.  Plus I have all the boy clothes already, so it would be cheaper!

I am sure there is more to say, but it's almost 10 and I haven't had my nightly feast yet.  Sigh.  Must go eat.

Noah's Second Birthday Party

We had Noah's birthday party the day before his birthday.  As I mentioned, I didn't think we'd even be able to have a party, and only had 2 days notice to be able to plan this one.  I didn't want to burden any friends with coming to a party (they would feel they needed to bring gifts) with less than 48 hours notice, so we just invited immediate family.  The guests were:

My mom
Justin's mom
Giliane (my sister)
Matt and Lynsey (brother and SIL)
Hilary (SIL)
Elijah and Josiah (nephews)

Plus me, Justin, and Noah.  So there were 8 adults and 3 kids.  It was definitely small (of our immediate families we were missing our Dads and one of my brothers, and Giliane's boyfriend of 5 years).  But it was very low stress and tons of fun!

The morning of the party Noah really enjoyed the balloons we were blowing up!:

He especially liked this long one.  I am still impressed that Justin was able to blow it up by mouth!:

Part of what made the party so low stress is that people brought stuff.  Giliane brought a veggie tray, Matt and Lynsey brought a ton of dips and crackers and breads and stuff, and my MIL brought these little finger food thingies.  There weren't that many people to feed, so those snacks were really all we needed!  I made punch and put out several bags of chips (in bowls, of course), but thankfully I didn't go to any other trouble, snack-wise, because there was already more food than we needed.

While we were setting up food on the island, Noah decided to take present opening matters into his own hands:

I just went with it... there was no reason he had to wait until later.  And at this point his cousins weren't there, so there would be no jealousy/confusion.

We already have cut-apart food, but this is wooden Melissa and Doug stuff, so it's much better quality!

An Elmo book, of course!

The weather was perfect.  Like many people, we've been having unseasonably warm weather - shorts and t-shirt weather - when often we have snow at this time of year.  So we spent most of the party outside.  Justin and Matt played with the kids outside on our playground, played with sidewalk chalk, kicked balls around, took them for a walk in the wagon, etc.  They had fun, and my house stayed mostly clean.

We BBQed hot dogs and burgers for dinner, and had banana cake with cream cheese frosting for dessert.  This was Noah's first cake, and his reaction to the whole thing was pretty cute.

"Umm, what the heck?"

Starting to realize we're singing to him:

He saw the candle!  And he loves candles:

"Whoa... give to me!"

Legitimately trying to blow out the candle:

Daddy secretly helping him:

You did it, Noah!

Proud:

Inspecting the candle:

He said, "It's a two!" and then pulled it out.

First bite of cake:

He liked it, but he only ate half of his piece.  Which was half the size of everyone else's piece.  That's ma boy.

After dinner he did some playing with his Aunts and Uncles.

Aunt Hilary was throwing his big long balloon for him to catch:

Playing with Aunt Giliane and Uncle Matt:

As small a party as it was, I don't regret not inviting more people (not that we really had a lot of time to).  It was much calmer this way.  I got to talk to everyone extensively, instead of having people show up at my house and I'm just running around like a chicken with my head cut off and can barely socialize.

Another benefit was that Noah didn't get tons of unnecessary presents!  He really didn't need many new toys, and he got a much more controlled amount of quality toys, so that was great.

I am seriously so glad that we got to celebrate Noah's birthday with people other than ourselves!   It was a great day!

Details of Noah's actual birthday will be in a separate post... in the near future:)

Things I Don't Want to Forget (2 Years Old)

I need to write a 2 year old post/update, but I just have not had time to be able to sit down and write and edit a long post like that.  And tonight I'm watching Dancing With the Stars, so I'm not going to do it now either ;)  But I DO want to write some things that I don't want to forget.

~~~

As I'm sure is the experience of most parents of toddlers, Noah slays me on a daily basis.  Example:

Tonight after dinner he put a wet washcloth on his head and said, "Tada!!  I'm a person!"

He then held the washcloth out to me and said "Mommy be a person?!"

Because obviously nobody is a person unless they have a washcloth on their head.

~~~

A few of the most frequent sentences to come out of Noah's mouth, which make me die of cuteness everytime, are:

"Wow, that's aMAZing!"

"Here ya go Mommy." (while handing me something I usually don't need).

~~~

Noah recently started saying "Yeah I DO!"  after we ask him a question.  Like, "Do you want to swing, Noah?"  "Yeah I DO!!"

But this one is especially hilarious because he doesn't always use it correctly.  I'll say "Did you poop, Noah?"  He'll say "Yeah I DO!!"

He also got a new Cookie Monster PlayDoh set where you feed Cookie Monster the food you make out of playdoh.  He LOVES to do this, and when he feeds CM he says "Cookie Monster eat it all!  Eat it ALL!!"  So we say "Did he eat it all, Noah?"  And Noah says "Yeah he DO!!"

He is usually very grammatically correct, using plurals, possessives, and past tense in the appropriate situations.  So this is incredibly adorable.  I don't even know how he learned to use that phrase!

~~~

I've been suffering from bad foot pain for the past couple of weeks.  At the beginning, before I started using homeopathy to help, I could barely walk.  At one point Noah was in his high chair and Justin tied an ice pack to my feet and then carried me over to lay on the couch.  Noah was so concerned for me, and when he was allowed out of his high chair he came over, leaned his head on my chest, and said "It's okay, Mommy."  Then he went and got Pup and Action Chugger, his two most prized possessions, and put them on my chest.  He said "Here's Action Chugger.  Here's Pup.  Here ya go, Mommy."  and patted me.  

How adorable is that?

~~~

Noah is getting more detail oriented when he goes to bed.  He used to go in his crib with nothing but himself.  Sometime after 6 months we got him attached to Pup, his lovie, by always putting Pup in the crib with him.  So obviously Pup was a necessity (Pup was named by Noah, by the way.  I always called him "Your puppy" and Noah named him Pup about a year ago).

Then we went to Build-A-Bear when Noah was around 18 months.  He really wanted a puppy that was there, so we got it (and named it 'Scout').  We started putting Scout in his crib to keep him company, and of course he became a necessity along with Pup.  And every morning when I get Noah out of his crib, Scout HAS to come out and sit beside us while Noah nurses.

A couple of weeks ago after I put Noah to bed he was crying and calling out for me.  I went into his room and he didn't really need anything.  He really just wanted me there with him.  In order to make him feel like I was "doing something," I asked him if he wanted some water.  He said yes, so I got him a sippy cup.  Now, every single nap time and bed time since then he has asked for water.  Every. Time.  I just have to remember to fill it up before we start bedtime routine and put it on his dresser.  Otherwise I'm putting him in his crib and immediately going to the kitchen for it.

Oh, but stupid me, I didn't stop there.  Last night our house was borderline for temperature.  He was wearing light summer PJs.  It wasn't cool enough for a sleep sack or fleece sleeper, but it seemed a tad too cool for a single light cotton layer.  So I spread an oversized receiving blanket over top of him.

Today at nap time?  He wanted a blanket on him.

Tonight at bed time?  I left his room, and he was immediately calling "Mommy!  Mommy!"  I went in and he said "Blanket, please?"

I have now learned that I should never add anything to bedtime, even 'one time,' unless I want to continue it every night.  I am switching up the blanket that I put on him so that he hopefully will not get attached to just one specific blanket.

He pretty much sleeps in the same corner of his crib all the time (I haven't seem him out of that corner for ages).  So he might actually keep that blanket on all night!

~~~

Happy Birthday, Noah!

Happy 2nd birthday to our dear son, Noah.

It is our joy watching you grow every day, and we never stop thanking God for giving you to us.

We love you!!

It's Birthday Party Day!

Tomorrow is Noah's official 2nd birthday, and today is his party!

I am really excited.  I didn't think we would even be able to have a party at all, because most of our family couldn't make it.  Justin's Dad is in Florida, my Dad is working, I didn't think my brother Nick would want to travel with Hilary and the kids, my sister is a nursing working on nights all weekend (and lives an hour away).  And I didn't know how many friends would be able to come. I wasn't going to have a party for just our moms and Matt and Lynsey (brother and SIL).  So for about a month now I've just had it in my head that we wouldn't have a party.  I was really bummed about this, because Noah's birthday is obviously very special to us, and I was depressed that we couldn't give him a real birthday party.  I knew he wouldn't know the difference or remember it later on, but I would!

BUT, my SIL Hilary ended up coming to town with her two boys yesterday and she is staying until tonight, so we are having a small party!  I literally found out she was coming to town on Thursday afternoon, so I only had 2 days notice for this.  Because of that, I didn't end up inviting anyone but immediate family.  Only 8 adults and 3 kids will be here, but it'll still be fun.  Small things are often more fun, and it'll be more relaxed and casual this way.

So I'm spending my morning getting ready by cleaning the house, washing and folding laundry, blowing up balloons, and baking a cake (banana cake with cream cheese frosting... it'll be Noah's first taste of cake ever, and I didn't want him to have chocolate cake.  I feel more comfortable with this option).

Fun fun!  I'm excited!  Off to do more prep work!

Time Change, Shmime Change

I realized a few days ago that I haven't posted about Noah in awhile!  It is definitely not that I have forgotten about him - he is clearly the centre of my entire world.  I guess there just hasn't been anything that particularly popped out at me to post about.  So, a possibly mundane update...

Time change?  What time change?  I feel bad for all these parents who struggle with the spring time change.  I can't relate to that at all.  I have always loved it.  It's the easiest to adjust to.  I have stress over the fall time change, because it means the kid is waking up an hour earlier than usual (anything before 7 or 7:30 is evil in my books).  And it takes awhile to shift a child's internal clock so that they consistently wake up an hour later than they used to.  But the spring time change puts their wake up time an hour LATER on the clock.  So who cares, seriously?

The only thing that made me even THINK about the time change is the fact that Noah is getting so that he doesn't really need his nap anymore.  It's only an hour long, but it takes him awhile to fall asleep for it.  He can't seem to fall asleep until he's been awake for a good 6 hours.  And then after his nap it's the same thing.  He needs to be awake for at least 6 hours before he can fall asleep at bedtime.  This means that he doesn't fall asleep until past 9:30 a lot of nights, and he's almost never asleep before 9.  He'll be in bed, but he just isn't tired enough to sleep.

Because of this, this time change could pose a problem.  Clearly I don't want my not-even-2-year-old (6 more days!) to go to bed past 10pm.  That is not cool for a tired, pregnant Mama who is ready to go to bed at 7pm.

Furthermore, yesterday (the day of the time change) Noah slept in until 8:30 old time, 9:30 new time.  Yeah.  He wouldn't fall asleep for the night until 11pm (new time) if he had a nap.

So what did I do?  Skipped the nap.  No big deal.  He requires a lot less sleep than pretty much any other kid his age (or older), so skipping a nap has no negative repercussions for him.  He is just as happy and well behaved as normal.  It just means he falls asleep really fast at bedtime, which is great.

I put him to bed at 8:30 new time, which was 7:30 old time.  He woke up at 8am this morning, which is about the time I expect him to wake up on any given morning (although night sleep has been shortening and he is often awake before 8am now).

Time change?  No problem.  I barely noticed it.

We had a great day yesterday, though!  The weather was beautiful!  13 degrees (55F) and sunny.  The three of us went to the park to play for awhile.  Then we came home and BBQed sausages for lunch.  A couple of hours later we went to my mother in law's for a yummy dinner that I didn't have to cook.  It was great!  I really enjoyed taking Noah to the park again.  It had been at least 4 months since I'd been able to do that.  And it was nice to have Justin there with us.

It's March Break this week, so Justin is home for 9 days straight.  Awesome!

Dopplers Are the Best Invention Ever

At least they are for a paranoid pregnant person like me!

It seems to be getting easier and easier to find the heartbeat.  The first two times I found it (8 weeks 2 days and 8 weeks 6 days) it took about 10 minutes of slowly searching, frequently adding more gel to my belly.  The past two times (9 weeks 1 day and today, 9 weeks 3 days) I found it within 1 minute of trying.

I've found that it is much easier to find when I can easily feel my uterus.  My uterus seems to tilt back and forth, so sometimes I can feel it right up front (and up to about an inch under my bellybutton), and other times I can't really feel it at all.  When it's tilted backwards and further away from my skin, I have a much harder time finding the heartbeat.

It's really really nice to be able to have the reassurance of hearing that little heartbeat ticking away.  I'm really really glad I bought (and not rented) this doppler.  Seriously, it is probably the best decision I have made so far this pregnancy.  Without it, I would have already travelled to the RE for at least one reassurance ultrasound.  And even with that reassurance ultrasound, by now I'd probably be feeling that dread of not knowing for sure that everything is okay.

I don't know for sure why I am like this when I am pregnant, but it seriously has been amazing to just feel confident that things are fine. The easier it gets to find the heartbeat, the easier it is for me to take a day off from looking for it.  And when I do look for it, I feel confident that I will find it.  And if I can't (when my uterus is tilted backward), I really don't freak out.  I know it's only been a couple of days since I last heard it, and the chances of there being something that went wrong in just those couple of days feels very slim to me.  So I don't panic and think that something is wrong.  I just try again later in the day or the next day, when I can feel my uterus tilted forward.

The doppler has brought me so much peace of mind.  I really wish I had bought one during my pregnancy with Noah.  I would have felt a lot more relaxed!

I Think I'm Done

Thanks for all of your support and input on my last post.  As I mentioned, I'd been forgiving and annoying a lot of stuff over the past year (prior to that, things with T were pretty good).  I felt like no person or friendship was perfect, and people were always going to do things that annoy us, so I was trying my best to let stuff go.  Justin had started to remark, quite frequently, that we "aren't even really friends."  I would always reply "Justin, every friendship has it's moments where one person bothers the other person.  You have that with some of YOUR best friends.  It doesn't mean we're not friends."

But I decided I'm just done with this.  I honestly don't think there's a natural way to get out of this friendship.  I've tried doing that before by cutting down on the length and frequency of my replies to her, but it just doesn't "take."

As much as I would like to tell her exactly what I feel and think, I really don't think I'm up for doing that. I can do that with my family members when I have a problem with them, but we are family, so it doesn't last long, and it all is forgiven.  But I know T pretty well, and she would NEVER see the things she has done as being wrong.  She can't find fault in herself.  So telling her my issues with her wouldn't be constructive.

I think I'm just done.  I haven't replied to her since one email I sent on Wednesday around noon, and I don't think I'm going to.  I've enjoyed not hearing from her.  I feel more relaxed and more content in my own life without listening to her oneupmanship, how incredible her life is, how much money her husband makes, how much money she's spending, and all the nice new things she's buying.

I don't really care if we even talk at all anymore.  Your comments have helped bring clarity to the situation.  It wasn't just my imagination, or me making "too big a deal" over things she says.  She HASN'T been a good friend for the past year.  It has definitely gotten worse in the past 6 months, and I just don't see it going back to where it used to be.  She annoys me so much now.  I can't actually remember the last time she wrote me an email that didn't include information that either insulted me (maybe unintentionally), made me feel like my life was inadequate in comparison, felt like she was one-upping me, or just felt "snippy."

At first I felt like it was a blessing to have a close friend who had a kid the exact same age as mine.  But now I don't.  Not when it's someone who is constantly bragging about their kid's accomplishments.  It's not like I don't have a fabulous kid.  Her kid is NOT better than mine, or smarter than mine, or funnier than mine, and certainly not cuter than mine!  It's not like her comments make me feel like my kid isn't good enough - far from it!  I'm just sick of listening to her talk about him.  It's so. irritating.


I don't want to reply to her, so I'm just not going to.  I'm just done.  I can see her or not see her, talk to her or not talk to her, whatever.  If somehow our friendship can turn into something casual where we see/talk to each other once in awhile, then fine.  But I'm not even going to "try" to make it go that way.  As someone said in the comments (and I do firmly believe this), some people come into our lives for a season.  Then their purpose is served, and it's okay to move on.

I think her purpose has been served, and now she is only causing me annoyance and stress.  I am happier without her daily presence in my life.

Stupid Friend Situation

I'm in a bit of a "situation" with a friend.  There is a lot of back story here, and I won't be able to tell all of it, but I am going to try.  This might feel a bit choppy or mixed up because of it.  And it is looong, so be prepared.

So, I have this friend.  We'll call her T.  Nobody in my real life reads this blog, so I don't know why I'm not using her real name, but I just feel like I shouldn't.  Anyway, she has been one of my closest friends for the past 3 years.  We kind of knew each other before then, but she mostly knew my husband.  Then when we were pregnant together, she started writing me messages on facebook because she was excited to have a due date buddy.  I wasn't really into it at first, because I had a preconceived notion that she was a bitch, and I didn't like her.  However, she was really nice to me, so with time I grew to like her.

We had the same due date with our first pregnancies (not really, though, because she was still on her period when I got pregnant with Noah, but she was one of those people who had a big-ish baby at 20 weeks and her due date got moved up by a ridiculous amount, which would have meant she had a full period AFTER she got pregnant... this is one of my pet peeves).  However, I had Noah 11 days early and she went quite a bit overdue, so Noah is actually 3 weeks older than her son, C.

When she figured out (through friend's posts on my facebook wall) that I had had Noah while she was still pregnant, she literally started running around the house freaking out and crying because I had my baby and she was still pregnant.  That was my first clue that there was something kind of competitive going on there (totally not welcome, on my part, because I don't "compete" with friends).

We would write each other emails every few days.  But the summer after the boys were born, my desktop computer got fried when our house was struck by lightning, and I got a laptop to replace it.  This made writing to her a  LOT easier, so we started talking everyday.  Then it was multiple times every day.  We had playdates and talked on the phone, and it was good times.  It was nice having a friend the same age, who had a baby boy the same age as mine.  Plus she seemed really nice.

I'm trying to remember the first things that started bothering me about her.  I think it was when our kids were about a year.  She would talk about her son, C, and how much he was talking.  He was a real "performer," and would do and say anything you asked him to.  Noah is (and always has been) the opposite.  He is NOT a performer.

So, she would talk about how much C was talking.  She would give me the exact number of words he was saying.  And this was after me saying that Noah isn't really talking much (for the record, Noah was not a late talker by any means, and has pretty much always been way ahead of average in the verbal skills area, but her son did start talking before Noah did.  They are at the same verbal level now and have been for quite some time).

You'd think after someone tells you their kid isn't really talking that much, you would stop bragging directly to that person about how much your kid talks.  But no, it continued.  I would frequently get emails with content like "C said his 60th word today - monkey!"  or "We were at a playdate today and everybody was just sooo amazed at how well C talks!" (for the record, this doesn't really bother me if I read it on someone's blog... it is YOUR blog where you talk about YOUR kid.  It's like your baby book.  You don't need to edit out your child's accomplishments just so someone else doesn't feel insecure about their own child's accomplishments.  But to recount all of your child's accomplishments directly to someone who has a kid the exact same age who has SAID that their kid isn't doing those things yet... that is not okay with me).

This bothered me, because it just seemed so rude.  But I forgave it (often) because I had another good friend, Erin, whose child was ALSO a BIG performer, and Erin was (and still is, when I see her) always getting her daughter to "perform" for me.  This also bothers me, because it feels like she's specifically trying to make her kid look better than my kid right in front of my face.  Meanwhile, Noah can do everything her kid can do, he just refuses to "perform".

Anyway, the point is, everybody has their personality quirks that can bother you.  Heck, my own husband does things that bother me.  I do things that bother me.  Nobody is perfect.  So while these things bother me, I don't let them stop me from developing friendships with people.

Another back story.  T used to live in a teeny tiny house.  Like, her whole house was smaller than the living room/dining room/kitchen area of my house.  It was small.  It wasn't because they couldn't afford something bigger, they had just chosen to live in something that small for the time being.  Then suddenly, a year ago, she decided to move to a bigger house.  While she was in the process of buying/selling she asked me how many square feet my house was.  I replied that it was over 2500sq. ft.  Because it is.  Her reply?  "No way.  I seriously can't believe your house is that big.  I have a really hard time believing that.  My sister's house is ___ sq. ft. (can't remember, maybe like 1700) and her house seems a lot bigger than yours."

I was really taken aback.  I said "Well, I don't know what to tell you.  That's how big my house is.  I don't know why you have such a hard time believing that.  I didn't make up the number.  It was in the house information.  It is in all the house ads from this neighbourhood - houses that are the exact same model as mine.  Plus I have all the measurements of all the rooms, and when I add them up I am getting over 2500 sq. ft.  And that's without including the two full bathrooms, the closets, the hallways, the laundry room, the entryway, etc.  So it's definitely over 2500 sq ft."

Like, WTF?  Who says that to someone?  What, is it really important to you that your new house is bigger than my house?  Is that why you don't want to believe my answer about how big my house is?  I still don't understand that conversation.  But again, I let it go.

Moving along...

She got pregnant last fall.  Like I said, we talked every day, and talked about pretty much everything.  But she never even told me they were trying - and yes, they were trying.  This might not seem like much, but do you remember that she has a history of acting competitive?  I am 99% certain that she didn't tell me they were trying to get pregnant because she wanted to be sure she would be pregnant before I was.  It bothered her so much that I gave birth before she did, she needed to have her next baby first.

Everybody has their right to disclose or not disclose whatever information they want.  But I am pretty certain that her reasons for not disclosing had everything to do with wanting to be pregnant before me (like she ever needed to worry about THAT!) and not about "not wanting to talk about it."  So again, this bothered me.

Now, in and amongst all this she seemed to develop this... thing.  This thing where she was always one upping me.  Either her situation was crappier than mine ("my husband is gone way more than yours!"), or her life was just more "incredible" than mine.  The expensive food she bought was "incredible."  The evening walk she took was "incredible."  Her son was so funny, her son was so smart, he was just so incredible.

For the record, when I'm talking to other parents in an individual situation, I do not brag to them about how incredible my son is.  Yes, I think he is awesome, but everybody thinks their kid is awesome.  I am not going to gush about my kid when I'm talking to parents of other small children.  I find it sickening.

So I was getting really sick of that crap.  I complained to Justin about it all. the. time.  She started annoying me a lot.  So I started talking to her less.  We went from talking everyday, multiple times a day, to where I would sometimes not reply to an email from her for a couple of days at a time.

Now, T is 23 weeks pregnant.  And she is quite possibly the smallest pregnant person ever.  She still has a totally flat stomach.  She and I are complete opposites.  When she was 40 weeks pregnant with S, she was literally the exact same size I was when I was 14 weeks pregnant with Noah.  Which pretty much means she was the same size that I am NOW at 9 weeks.  Not one word of exaggeration.  She doesn't even look remotely pregnant.  Not even a slight bump.  I look more pregnant after a meal when I'm NOT pregnant than she looks at the end of the day when she's 23 weeks pregnant.

There is one maternity store where we live.  We'll call it BB.  And my friend, Sarah, is a photographer (she took our pictures last summer), and she does cross-promotions with BB.  Last week Sarah and BB were posting on facebook about how they needed a new BB model to do a shoot for an ad in a magazine.  Somebody told me I should do it (and I clearly do look pregnant), but I figured they wanted someone who clearly looked at least 6 months pregnant.  The ad SAID they wanted someone pregnant and SHOWING.

I saw one of my other friends tag T in a post about the shoot.  At that point I wanted to comment on that post and say, "But T isn't even showing yet!"  But I refrained.  Then about half an hour later T told me she was doing the BB shoot.  WHAT?!?!  I asked her how she is doing the shoot when she isn't showing.  She replied that she was showing a little (which she really isn't, she still has a totally flat stomach and doesn't look remotely pregnant), but that she told Sarah she was still small, and both Sarah and Erin (the owner of BB) still wanted her to do it, and they said they would make it work.  She said the shoot wouldn't be for a couple of weeks, and that she would definitely be bigger by then (possibly, but she still won't look even a little bit pregnant.  She might look a bit bloated by then).  Then she was bragging about how Sarah really wanted her to do the shoot, and how Sarah saw the inside of her house and wants to do a "lifestyle shoot" inside her house (ok, her house interior is nice, but no nicer than mine), and maybe she will get Sarah to do the maternity and newborn photos instead of this other photographer she was going to get, etc. etc.

It was driving me nuts.  Like, it was bothering me way more than it should have.  But it was just driving me CRAZY that the ad said they wanted someone who is SHOWING, and T clearly ISN'T showing, but somehow finagled her way into being the model for this shoot (and then was bragging about it).  They might as well have a normal, non pregnant, skinny model do it, because I am not lying, she just told me a week ago that her waist was still measuring 26 inches.  26 INCHES!  SHE IS 5'10" AND 23 WEEKS PREGNANT!!!!  Seriously, who even has a 26 inch waist when they're NOT pregnant?!?!?!?!  I am a tall, thin person, and my waist comes nowhere close to 26 inches when I am not pregnant.  It's ridiculous.

So T is bragging about this, being all "I used to model all the time, blah blah blah" (which is true).  And I am fuming, because I am already frequently annoyed by her, plus I am pregnant and hormonal so the stupidest things are bugging me.

But then I go to Sarah's today for a playdate, and doesn't Sarah tell me that both her and Erin decided that it was completely ridiculous to get T to do the shoot, because she doesn't look even a LITTLE bit pregnant.  Sarah said she told T to contact her when she was further along and showing more, and maybe they'd do something else.  But she also told me that she looked at her pictures from her last pregnancy (T added her on facebook) and thought "I can't ever use her as a pregnant model.  She hardly shows at all, even at the end."

Hmmmm, interesting.  So, Sarah and Erin really wanted you to do it and said they would make it work, eh?  You seem to have failed to mention that they then told you that it WOULDN'T work, because you're not showing at all.  I guess you left that out of the 5 emails a day you've been sending me for the past week!  And the BB shoot with a 7 month pregnant model is already scheduled for tomorrow, so obviously this is not a new thing.  Clearly they decided it wouldn't work pretty quickly, and essentially fired her, but T failed to mention that.  Because her life always needs to be so "incredible".

Also, after I told her that I spent the morning at Sarah's, she asked if Sarah knows that I know T (they don't know each other except over this shoot, they have never met), but she didn't mention she's not doing the shoot.  It's like she doesn't want to admit it unless she absolutely has to.  And if she does, she will probably make it sound like it was her decision.

Admittedly, the part about the photoshoot probably seems fairly petty, but it is a perfect example of what things are like ALL THE TIME.  T somehow gets herself into these "incredible" opportunities, regardless of how she shouldn't be in them, and then they fall through.  But she never mentions when they fall through, she just casually brags about them when they are brought up in the first place.  Like when her friend who owns a gym was going to hire her to be a spinning instructor, even though she has zero fitness certification of any kind, and he wasn't requiring her to get her spinning certification, because "it didn't matter".

Did she ever teach a spinning class?  No.  But it was never brought up by her again.

Now, all of this brings me to the most recent annoyance in our friendship.

Oh shoot, I need to tell another back story.

Ok, about a month ago T had an opportunity to buy a really nice white crib and change table from a friend.  Secondhand.  She was going back and forth on whether she should get it, whether she needs to have a second crib or not, etc.  Then as part of an email she wrote, "I should mention that I am only considering this because I know the family it is coming from.  I would NEVER buy a second hand crib off of Kijiji or Mommy Market [both are like Craig's List].  That is GROSS if you ask me!"

Umm, I didn't ask you.  But thanks.  I have told you how I bought Noah's baby furniture second hand off Kijiji.  And I have also mentioned how I would probably buy another crib secondhand if I needed it.  But thanks for making your opinion on that practice so rudely clear.

Oh, AND, she KNOWS that Noah's nursery furniture is all natural wood.  It is not my first choice for a wood finish.  I prefer white or espresso, but I like the furniture fine, and it was the right price.  I paid a fraction of what I would have paid for a brand new set.  But she KNOWS that is the colour of Noah's furniture, and she has said multiple times "I HATE natural wood!  Seriously, I hate it sooo much, I think it is soo ugly and disgusting."  She wouldn't even borrow a brand new natural wood crib from her parents because she hates it that much.

Again, thanks.  And no, I am not exaggerating.  These rude comments are written exactly as she writes them.  Same emphasis and everything.

I let all of these rude comments slide.  Because again, you're never going to like everything that someone says.  No one is perfect.

Okay, so now that the back story is told, as I mentioned yesterday, we bought a new crib.  She asked where we set it up.  I told her we set it up in the spare room.  She asked if we moved the bed out of there.  I said no, we didn't, and we won't be.  I want the queen bed to stay in there.  I have always nursed Noah while sitting in bed.  I prefer that to a rocking chair/glider.  And to me it made sense to nurse this baby in the same room s/he was sleeping in, since we already have Noah.  It just made sense to me to not have to walk from my room to the baby's room while the baby was sleeping, especially if Noah was playing noisily in the living room.

So she said things are probably going to be pretty "tight" in there, especially if we are going to "squeeze" in a change table.

I said no, that room is a lot bigger than Noah's current room. Right now it has a queen bed, a big crib, a book shelf, and a dresser, and there is PLENTY of floor space.

She replies "I guess I am just used to all of the rooms here being able to have enough room to play in too. Like bed, dresser, etc and enough room to play. We play a lot in C's big boy room. With large toys too. We make forts with his huge bricks, and he has a ton of toys in there. And when he was in the nursery we would play in there too. There is a lot of floor space. Maybe I dont completely remember that room (I have only been in it twice.)"

So I started getting annoyed here.  All of her rooms are about the same size as all of our bedrooms here.  Noah's room is small (10x13), but the rest of our bedrooms are big.  The new baby's room is 13x14.  That is not a small room.  And it is about the same size as C's big boy room.

But I don't want to get into it, so I just reply, "I think your memory of the size of that room is off. It's about the same size as C's room."

She can't let it go, so she replies: "Ya, my memory might be off of that room. I thought it was more so the size of C's nursery. But then again, maybe your memory of C's current room is off since you only saw it once."

Umm, seriously?  Why are we still talking about this?  Am I missing something here?  Do you have some reason that you NEED my house to be smaller than yours?  Do you NEED my bedrooms to be smaller than yours?  Like, what is your problem?  I TOLD you there is plenty of floor space, and there is!  About half of the floor is still uncovered, even with all that furniture in there.  Why are we still continuing to talk about this?  What is this compulsive need you have to tell me that bedroom is not as big as your bedrooms?

Seriously, I saw the ad for her house when it was on the market.  Her bedrooms are pretty much the same sizes as our bedrooms.  Noah's bedroom is the only room that is smallish, but it is the same size as the spare room in her house.  Plus we have two extra bedrooms that she doesn't have.

Like, is that the problem?  We have more bedrooms than you?  So you want to have bigger bedrooms than ours?  I seriously don't understand this situation.  Why does she so badly want C's room to be bigger than our new baby's room?  It's not like I told her C's room was smaller.  I said it was the same size.  There is no reason for this conversation to continue on.  There is NO reason for you to try so hard to "prove" (not that you're proving anything) that your kid's bedroom is bigger than my kid's bedroom.  Like, what IS this?!

She is seriously driving me crazy.  I don't want to "break up with her" as a friend, but I'm at the point where I wish I didn't even know her anymore.  I think when you're at the point where you're constantly annoyed, and questioning the motive and meaning behind every comment someone makes, it's probably time to move on from that friendship.  I feel like there isn't anything I even like about her anymore.

I don't want to talk to her.  I don't want to continue to have this conversation about the size of that bedroom.  I don't want to listen to anything she has to say, at this point.  But there really isn't a clean way to get out of this.  I don't want there to be drama around this.  I like to avoid drama whenever possible.

I think what has happened is that we've reached the point where we talk way too much.  We used to talk even more often, but it's just reached the point where she tells me too many things I don't want or need to know (I don't need to know the exact amount of money your husband makes in an overtime shift... congratulations, your husband makes more money than mine!  I also don't need to know about all the super expensive new art you had commissioned an artist to make for your house, you bragger.  Do I care if you drop 2 grand on something you're hanging on your wall?  Congratulations, you have the money to do that and I don't.)

We talk too much. I know her too well.  I can't handle her anymore.  I would be fine to go to a friendship where we just talked once in awhile and got together to playdates a couple of times a month (although her kid drives me nuts, as he's always being super rough with Noah, and literally walks up to him just to BANG BANG BANG on his head).  I would be able to handle her in small doses like that.  I would even enjoy her in small doses like that.  But I can't keep talking to her in this way.

I really am not sure how to handle it.  I don't want to come right out and tell her that I don't want to talk to her so much anymore.  I also don't want to just stop talking to her everyday, because we've done that for so long that stopping would seem really weird and awkward to her.  I mean, that is what I WANT to do, I just don't think it would go smoothly.

But I seriously can't keep ignoring all this crap.  And I don't feel like I should have to continue talking to someone on a daily basis when they are driving me nuts.

In the past when she has said something that really bugged me, I have just taken a step back and not replied to her for a day or two.  But this just keeps happening now.  I'm letting too many things go.  I'd LOVE to confront her on all of it, but at the same time I don't want the drama.  I know the advice I would give to someone else: tell her what is bothering you in a non confrontational way, and say that you should probably restrict your interaction to phone calls, maybe weekly emails, and the occasional play date.  But I think that would actually cause a lot of drama, so I don't really feel like it's an option.

I just don't know what to do.  I'm so irritated.

Telling the Inlaws

As I mentioned last week, I was thinking we needed to finally tell my inlaws that I'm pregnant since my FIL was leaving for Florida and wouldn't be back until the very end of March.  And because my belly looks like this:

On Saturday we went there for dinner.  As I had planned before we were even pregnant, Noah wore a Big Brother t-shirt.  We showed up, and let Noah loose.  My MIL usually pays a great deal of attention to what Noah is wearing, especially if she hasn't seen it before, so it didn't take long for her to read his shirt, which said "Most Awesome Big Brother."  She said, "What does THAT mean?" like she honestly didn't get it.  She looked at Justin and I, and we just had these big smiles on our faces.  I don't know what happened exactly, but Justin said something and she got it.

After hugging us and asking me how far along I was, she immediately started talking about cooking dinner.  I was like "Uhh, is that it?  Are we going to talk any more about this?"  But I guess that was just her weird way of processing things.  We did end up talking about it a lot more, and she got the whole story.

I was dreading telling them because they often don't respond very well to good news, but after the initial mother-in-law awkwardness (par for the course, with her), it was lots of fun.  I am satisfied with their reactions.  Haha.

Moving along to other things...

I found the heartbeat again today (8 weeks 6 days)!!  I haven't been able to find it since I found it Friday night, but I did today!  It was right around 176 again.  Man this little one has a fast heartbeat.  The highest Noah's ever was measured at was 164, and that was during my 12 week ultrasound when he was flipping all over my uterus.  The rest of the time he was usually around 145.

I'm so happy I found it again:)  It makes me feel so much better.  I get paranoid so easily.  I recorded it on my iPod this time, so I can listen to it again and remind myself I'm not crazy and I really did hear it.

Also, we bought another crib!  I have every intention of keeping Noah in his crib as long as possible.  I would even like to keep him in it until he's 3.  He just doesn't love sleep the way some other kids do, and having him not contained in his crib would mean A LOT less sleep for both me and him.  So I needed another crib.  The new one is really nice.  It's a white sleigh bed convertible crib.  We bought it second hand, of course.  I am really happy with it.  I set it up in the new baby's room today, and even have bedding in it.  It makes me happy to see it in there.

Alright, I should start getting dinner ready.  It really feels like a Friday to me.

I Found It!!!

I found the baby's heartbeat!!!  It took me at least 15 minutes, but then I found it!  100%, no question, it's the baby!!!  I am sooooo happy!  Seriously, I can't wipe the grin off my face!

It was so hard to find.  Justin kept saying, "Nevermind, let's just drive to the doctor tomorrow."  It was way past our bedtime, but I just had to keep trying.  I'm stubborn like that.  I really had to get the wand in the exact right position, but I found it several times after that first time, floating around between 160 and 170.

We don't have to spend tomorrow travelling anymore!!!

Seriously, I am ridiculously happy.  I'll probably be sleeping with a smile on my face tonight.

For the record, I'm 8 weeks 2 days today.  And I found the heartbeat, after 3 long days of trying.  :)

And also - thank you to all of you for your support.  Really, your comments do make me feel better.  I was feeling a lot more calm and confident tonight after reading a few of your comments, even before I found the heartbeat.

Latest Belly Picture (8 weeks)

I've never been very good at updating things on the right days.  I don't really know how so many people out there ARE so good at it.  But here's my belly at 8 weeks 2 days:

I am definitely growing!

I still can't find the heartbeat with the doppler.  I know this doesn't mean anything is wrong.  But, it's been a week and a half since my ultrasound, and this is the point at which I start to get nervous that something has gone wrong and I don't know about it.

I am considering driving to my clinic tomorrow for an impromptu ultrasound.  I really have to plan and decide tonight though, because they are only open until 10:30, and they're an hour away.  It's not like I can wake up, hem and haw, and then decide to go.  I need to decide tonight.

Another reason to get the ultrasound: I don't want to tell my inlaws that I'm pregnant until after I hear the heartbeat again.  But my father in law is leaving on Sunday to go to Florida for almost a month.  By the time he gets back and we'd be able to tell them, I'll be 13 weeks.  My MIL is already talking about how she's going to be forcing herself on us while he's gone.

Take a look at that belly picture again.  Do you think I can wear ANYTHING that will hide that?  It's not like I normally have a poochy stomach.  My stomach is normally totally flat.  Look how much further it sticks out past my boobs now.  Even when I'm wearing something really baggy, my stomach is very obvious.  And nobody gets like that in 2 months, just in their stomach, unless they're pregnant.

I don't want to tell my inlaws already.  I don't want to tell the world already, but if my inlaws know, the world will know.

As much as I don't want to tell anyone else right now, I would also like the freedom to be able to leave my house again.  I haven't been attending church, I haven't been seeing my extended family, I haven't been doing anything.  I want to be social again!

When I was pregnant with Noah we did it in stages.  We told our parents and a couple of my siblings at 4 weeks, when we found out.  We told the rest of my siblings the next time we saw them, I can't remember if it was before or after the ultrasound.  We told my extended family at 9 weeks.  I told some of my staff at 10 weeks.  I told my boss at 11 weeks, because I had to go to an ultrasound at the end of the week.  And we finally told the world (and I told my students) sometime after 12 weeks.  That was after our third ultrasound.

My inlaws told all their friends at 8 weeks, the day after I explicitly told them not to because we still weren't telling the world.  This is why they still don't know, and why I told my dear husband that they will not find out until we are ready to tell the world.

My clinic's statistics say that 95% of their normal early viability ultrasounds end up delivering babies, and that this is pretty much as good as your chances are every going to get at any point in your pregnancy.

So tell me - if you did fertility treatments and had an early ultrasound, when did you end up telling people?