8 Weeks 2 Days - Heartbeat!

I found the heartbeat this morning!  It was the exact same process as it was when I was pregnant with Isaiah: I looked for it for days, knowing I probably wouldn't find it yet, and then at 8 weeks 2 days I found it!  I think it's a funny coincidence that I found it at 8 weeks 2 days both times (I didn't have a Doppler with Noah's pregnancy).

I found it a few times.  The first time I thought I was recording it, but it turned out my phone was out of storage.  I tried to find it again after I made some room on my phone.  It took awhile, and at one point I gave up and wiped all the gel off my belly.  Then I was like "Whatever, I'm trying again."  And I found it after a few minutes.  I got it recorded that time!  I was afraid to even breathe because it's so easy to lose it at this point because the heart is so tiny.  But I recorded it for about a minute.

Tomorrow is my first ultrasound, so I'll go into it far less nervous than I might have been otherwise.

As for other symptoms:

-I am not nearly as sick as I was with Noah and Isaiah, but I feel like garbage a lot of the time.  With my other pregnancies, especially Noah's, I felt like I was 2 seconds away from throwing up at all times. If I even turned my head to the side my stomach would lurch.  I was useless.  I was similarly ill with Isaiah, but it was better controlled by the Diclectin (which I was also on with Noah, but I took more when Isaiah's pregnancy so it worked better).  With this pregnancy, I almost always have that feeling I get before I get the stomach flu, where I'm like "Huh... I feel really gross... I feel like I'm going to wake up at 1am puking my guts out."  So it's like a constant mild nausea.  But it's tolerable.  I can still function.  I just can't do much extra functioning.  I don't want to move around too much, so I'm not lifting weights or going for walks or doing any of that normal stuff I was doing everyday before I was pregnant.

-My body is already being stupid.  I spent two days with a leg that really hurt, then 4 days with a foot that really hurt, then 3 days with a hip that hurt so bad I could barely walk.  I didn't do anything to hurt myself for any of those things.

-My pubic bones hurts a bit (it started hurting at 5 weeks), but it's not bad.  Sometimes I don't feel the discomfort, other times I do.  I'm being careful about how I move, though.  No more lunges.

-I'm insanely, painfully hungry at all times.  It's awful how hungry I am.  I have tried to keep things under control and not overeat too much, but I've still gained 8 lbs in 4 weeks.  I've realized that as much as I try not to, it is my lot in life to gain crazy amounts of weight in the first trimester.  It's happened every time.  Yesterday was the first day I wasn't in extreme discomfort from hunger all day, and it's because I ate leftover pizza for breakfast, and pizza at my parents' for lunch.  So maybe I should just eat pizza for all my meals.  I'd probably actually end up netting less calories that way than I currently am, because nothing else fills me up.

-I'm peeing all the time.  That started sometime after 6 weeks.  And it's the "I really have to pee right now!" thing, and then when you go there's not nearly as much pee as it felt like there would be.

-I'm hating chicken.  I always cook up big batches of chicken breasts and keep them in my fridge so I have heathy protein to eat all the time, but I can't stomach that chicken now.  I can't stand the seasonings I always use on it (which I usually love), and I can't think of any other way to prepare it with the stuff I have on hand.  Or even the stuff I could buy at the store. 

-My boobs still hurt.

-My belly is still big.  I don't have an 8 week picture, but this one is from 7 weeks 4 days.

I've been hiding it with  cardigans (to hide the side view) paired with thick, long infinity scarves, but it's not working great anymore.  I can hide it with one of Justin's hoodies (he's way bigger than me), but we're finally getting warm weather here and I'm not going to be able to keep wearing scarves and hoodies.

I wouldn't mind people knowing, especially now that I've found the heartbeat, but I'm just actually embarrassed by how big I get so quickly.  I don't look forward to the "How far along are you?" questions and having to answer with such a low number.  And people think "Holy crap, how many oreos did you eat?!"  I feel shame.  Haha.  Why does this happen to me?

I think there's a few other things I could mention, but I can't remember them now and I need to move on with my day!

6 Weeks 4 Days

I'm in my paranoid phase.

I'm not sick yet.  My uterus is contracting less, so I can't feel it as easily as I could last week. (It's about halfway to my belly button when I CAN feel it.)

Basically I'm convinced the baby has died. I'm glad I documented my previous pregnancies so well, because this is exactly what I felt at this exact point in my pregnancy with Isaiah. For these exact same reasons.  At least my crazy is consistent.

My ultrasound isn't until April 18, which is almost 2 weeks away. That was the soonest they would give me one. They wanted me to be 9 weeks, so I went by my last menstrual period so I would be "9 weeks," even though according to when I ovulated I'll be 8 weeks 3 days.

I'm in that ridiculous phase where I WANT to get nauseous so I'll feel like my pregnancy is progressing normally.  I recognize that is nuts, but I just need some reassurance. People keep saying "Maybe you won't get sick this time."  But that seems improbable, considering how sick I was in my previous two pregnancies.

This morning the thought of eating eggs grossed me out, and I eat eggs every morning.  My gag reflex is maybe slightly more sensitive.

I'm finally at the INTENSELY HUNGRY stage. I was hungry before now, but as of last night, I'm at the stage where I have to eat in the middle of the night because the hunger is so intense and painful.

Also I'm dealing with a lot of low blood pressure/low blood sugar symptoms. I frequently feel light headed, I'm often dizzy, and I get shaky and weak if I don't have enough food in my system.  I always have low blood pressure (normal for me is about 90/60), so the dizziness I normally have is even worse.

Somehow I've got to make it through the next two weeks without constantly thinking that my baby died.

Ok I have to run and make dinner.  I didn't realize how late it was.

Doctor's Appointment

5 weeks, 5 or 6 days

I had a doctor's appointment this morning at the ungodly hour of 8:15am.  I'm not seeing my midwives until 10 weeks, so I wanted to get a prescription for Diclectin before I get sick, and a referral for an early ultrasound.  It's weird to get pregnant like a normal person and not have an early viability ultrasound at a fertility clinic.  I can't wait until 12 weeks for an ultrasound, so I'm hoping I can get in within the next two weeks.  I just have to wait for a call back from the hospital.

I had gotten prenatal bloodwork done back at 17DPO when I made this appointment because my GP wanted to confirm my pregnancy before seeing me.  My beta HCG was only 202, which is much lower than I thought it would be at 17DPO, and way lower than it was with my other two pregnancies.  But my test lines are still getting darker (they are extremely dark now, way darker than the control line), so I'm not worried.  I just wanted to know what the number was out of curiosity. And when I think about it, my OPKs weren't even positive yet at 12DPO, so my levels would have still been pretty low at that point.  I think 202 is still normal, and it would mean my levels had been more than doubling since the 12DPO point when they would have been under 25 (because of the negative OPKs)

My doctor has never really prescribed Diclectin before, so he didn't quite know what he was doing.  I told him I had to take 5 per day in my last two pregnancies, and I don't think he was thinking clearly because he ended up prescribing me 60 pills, with one repeat.  Which will last me 24 days.  Whoop dee do.  How helpful.  Haha.

My midwives ended up also giving me a prescription for Diclectin, but it is for 4 a day, and 3 months worth.  I'm just going to go with that one, and I'm seeing them in 4 weeks so it shouldn't be a problem if I need a renewal.

I'm not actually feeling sick yet at all, but when it hits, it hits like a ton of bricks with very little warning.  Which is why I wanted the prescription in hand already.

I hope I get a call about an ultrasound appointment today.  I don't expect to get in until next week or the week after, I just want to know when my appointment will be!

Our Family Right Now

Since it's been awhile, I wanted to post a quick update on the status of our family.  This is our most recent family picture, on Christmas Eve, 2015.

Justin is 34, teaching across the street from our house, as he has been for almost 3 years.

Noah just turned 6 on March 18.  He loves Minecraft more than anything and is still super crazy smart.  We're unschooling, but he is so good at everything mathematical, and about two months ago, without ever being taught, he suddenly started reading really well.  If I had to give him a grade level, I'd say he's a grade 2 level.  His skills are about equal to all of the average grade 2 students I taught.  He's so sensitive and loving, and he's super excited to be having another baby.  Yesterday I overheard him talking to Justin and he said "Dad?  At first I was excited that Mom was having a baby.  But then I remembered seeing a video of someone giving birth, and it seems like it would be really painful.  So now I feel really bad for Mom." 

This was Noah on a really beautiful day in November.  So kind of an old picture, but I don't have any really nice more recent ones.

Isaiah is 3.5 years old (turned 3 last September).  He is super enthusiastic about everything. He LOVES super heros with a passion, and always wants Justin to "BE BATMAN!" (said in a yell) and he pretends to be Robin.  He also loves to play with our baby dolls, who he named Okanawa, George, Pink Baby, and Purple Baby.  He is always asking me questions that make zero sense, but wanting me to reply as if they do.  He is so adorable, and is definitely the "baby" of the family.  When we told him we were having a baby he wasn't too happy at first, but he got over that quickly and now he asks to see my baby about ten times a day.  Each time he gently pats and rubs my tummy with this giant smile on his face and says, "Whoaaa, your tummy is so huuuuge!"

He is nothing like Noah was at this age.  He has almost no interest in anything that would be considered "academic."  He still can't reliably count to ten (he starts to mess up around 7), only knows 2 or 3 letters, and still mispronounces a lot of words (particularly using the "w" sound for S and F).  I'm not at all worried, because he is clearly an intelligent human, and I know that Noah knowing all the letters, upper case and lower case, and all their sounds before he was even 2 was not normal.  Isaiah will get there, and when you're 3, none of it matters.

He potty trained almost a year ago when he was about 2 years and 8 months.  It happened later than it did with Noah, but when it happened it only took a day.  No struggles at all.  He is still nursing, but he stopped nursing overnight all on his own last May when he was 2.75 years old.  Yeah, it kind of took awhile, but I didn't have to do anything to make it happen, and I'm all about taking the path of least resistance.  We still cosleep, and he sleeps really well at night now and rarely needs me anymore if he does wake up. Sometimes he will ask to hold my hand, but that's been happening less and less (although it did happen two nights ago).  And it's not bothersome, since he's right beside me.

Both kids love their weekly gymnastics lessons.  The local gymnastics club puts on lessons specifically for the homeschoolers that are the same as they offer to the public, but like half the price.  And they're during the day, so its nice to get things done when Justin is working.  We also do other activities with local homeschoolers, such as field trips, Lego Club, swimming lessons, soccer, etc. 

So that's what we've been up to.  Life has gotten pretty "easy" with slightly older kiddos, and we know we're in for it starting right back at the beginning with another baby.  But it'll likely be our last one, so we're going to enjoy it!

It's Been Too Long, and Things Are Changing

I haven't posted (or logged in) in 2 years.  I always wish I did, because so much happens and I no longer record any of it (unless you count Facebook statuses).  It's just hard to find the time.  Seriously, as I'm sitting here trying to type this post, Noah is standing beside me and won't stop talking to me ("Imagine if we had to walk to the cottage?  Can you imagine how long that would take?  Do you think we're ever going to make videos on YouTube? I think we will.  If we did I think I would...").  It makes typing coherent sentences a little difficult.

I'm hoping that will change for the next little while, because.... drum roll...

I'M PREGNANT.

What?  I know.  We did it all on our own this time, no fertility treatments.  It's something I always knew could happen, but I thought it would happen when I was, like, 40, and definitely didn't want any more kids.  We WANTED this baby.  And I'm only 31.

We'd been trying.  For over two years, actually.  It felt pointless, but I just couldn't make myself call my clinic.  They've got completely new staff and my doctor is no longer practicing, so it would be like figuring out a completely different clinic.  Plus it's an hour away and would be so time consuming and emotionally consuming.  The idea of going there was giving me anxiety.  I had almost resigned myself to the fact that we would only have two kids.

We only did it ONCE the cycle I got pregnant, because we've been dealing with a LOT of illnesses in our house.  The one time we did it we probably shouldn't have, because Justin was just starting to get sick.  But we wanted to, so we did.  And it happened to be the day before I ovulated.  And after 8 years of never using birth control and trying our hardest but never getting pregnant, that one fluke time that we basically did it just because we wanted to and not because we didn't want to miss ovulation, I get pregnant.

I was SUPER sick when I found out.  Sicker than I had ever been in my life.  I couldn't swallow, I couldn't even talk.  It was the day I was supposed to get my period (I always get it at 12DPO).  The two days beforehand I had gotten a tiny bit of brown spotting on a few occasions when I wiped, so I was kind of thinking that my period was REALLY wanting to come.  So I figured I'd have it right away in the morning.

It was 5am and I still didn't have my period.  No big deal, I still had all day to get it.  But the spotting the last couple of days, and the fact that I had that but my period hadn't arrived yet made me think I should test.  I hadn't slept all night anyway because I was in too much pain. 

I started by taking ovulation tests, because that's what I do.  Two different brands, because one of them is more sensitive than the others.  Neither of them was actually positive.  The more sensitive brand was maybe getting close, but the other brand definitely wasn't.

Still, I felt compelled to use an HPT.  I dipped it in and sat there watching it with my iPhone flashlight.  I don't know why, but I was expecting it to turn positive.

And then it did.

And I just sat there staring at it like "Are you kidding me?"  I was surprised, but I wasn't surprised.  I always thought we'd get pregnant on our own one day, but at the same time I never thought it would happen.  My mind has always been filled with a dichotomy of thoughts on the topic.

Anyway, it was 5am and Justin was still sleeping (he cosleeps with Noah, I cosleep with Isaiah).  He gets super red eyes if he wakes up too early, and I didn't want to wake up Noah, so I just texted him to let me know when he was awake.

In the meantime I texted two girlfriends, Corey and Kayla.  Corey was up nursing her baby at 6am so she was the first person I told.  Kayla was shortly after.

Justin woke up around 7am and texted me that he was awake and going to the bathroom.  So, super sick me hobbled to the kitchen and waited for him, sitting in a chair.  When he came out of the bathroom he said "What's up?) 

I had no voice, and no energy for any fanfare, so I just whispered, "I'm pregnant." 
He said, "Whatever." 
I whispered, "No seriously, I'm pregnant." 
He said, "No you're not." 
I whispered, "Yes, I am."
He said, seriously, "Why are you messing with me?"
I whispered, (and it was extremely hard to whisper this many words) "I'm not messing with you, I am actually pregnant.  Here's the test."

And then he had his hands on his chest saying, "What?!  How?!  We only did it once!!  Oh my goodness!! You're pregnant?!"  He was insanely excited and I was just sitting there, feeling like I'm dying, wishing I could muster together enough energy and enthusiasm to act really excited.

It took a little while to sink in, but I definitely has.  I'm 5.5 weeks pregnant now.  At 4 weeks pregnant I had a flat stomach and a 6 pack.  This was me in the MORNING on the day I turned 5 weeks (I'm much bigger in the evenings).  I hadn't even showered yet, but I wanted to see how my maternity jeans fit.

Just like with the other two, I am growing insanely quickly.  I don't really understand why this happens to me.  My uterus does get big very very quickly, but I don't get why I immediately get so much bloat higher in my abdomen as well.  It never disappeared with my other two pregnancies, so I don't expect it to this time.

Because I haven't been seeing a fertility clinic, this pregnancy doesn't have the same level of monitoring that my previous pregnancies have had.  Because of that I've taken like 15 pregnancy tests, and as of this morning the lines are still getting much darker every time I take a test! 

As for symptoms - at 5.5 weeks my big symptoms are major fatigue, bloating, and very sore boobs.  I had a lot of aversions last week, but they're not so bad anymore so I think it might have been a strange symptom of my illness.  I'm still getting over it and it's been 2.5 weeks since I got sick.

So, this is why I'm back.  I documented by first two pregnancies very closely, and I've enjoyed being able to look back at what happened when with both pregnancies.  Hopefully I can pop in once in awhile to record what happens with this little Bambino.

Isaiah at 18 Months

Isaiah was 18 months on March 22, so I wanted to record a few things about him at this moment in time.

-He's 25lbs and just shy of 32 inches tall.

-He still only has 8 teeth.  His molars have been huge bruised "marbles" under his gums for MONTHS, but just now one is actually cutting through so that part of it is through the gums.  The other ones are still just bruises.

-He gets up between 2 and 4 times a night to nurse.  It's just recently he started sometimes getting up only 2 times.  I love those nights.  But I usually end up laying awake for 2 or 3 hours anyway.

-We cosleep, and we love it and have no plans to stop.

-He doesn't talk much, but he does say Mama, Dada, Noah, more, no, yah, ball, block, Papa, Nana, baby, bird, moo, cheep, and maybe a few other things.

-He likes to build now, not just destroy.

-His "lovey" is a panda that Noah built him at Build-A-Bear, named "Pandy".  He ADORES Pandy, which is especially cute because Noah made him for him. I don't think I have a picture of it, unfortunately.

-He hasn't been sick that many times.  4 or 5 times total, one of them being right now (we all have a cold except Justin).

-He's a super smiley, friendly baby, but he is not easy.  He is pretty high maintenance and requires a lot of attention.  But he's a toddler, so yeah.  I expect that.

-I've always said that 12-18 months is my least favourite age (for so many reasons), and literally just in the 1.5 weeks before Isaiah turned 18 months he suddenly got a little easier.  Up until that point he still wanted to be held or worn every second, even while I was cooking, washing dishes, cleaning, etc.  Right before turning 18 months he suddenly preferred to play than to be worn.  Nothing else got easier, really, but that made a HUGE difference.

-He is a MAJOR STINKER.

-He loves to strut around like a peacock on the dining room table.

-He's not a "good eater" even though he always wants to eat.  He just doesn't actually ingest a whole lot, and he's rather picky.  He still gets about 95% of his nutrition from breastmilk, which is fine.  It's healthier than most things he could eat anyway.

-In the tub he is constantly doing this (don't mind the old lady tiles):

-He continues to be a hitter, scratcher, pincher, and biter. He's always done these things, ever since he was an infant. It's usually not even malicious, but it HURTS! We are just finally starting to make some headway with the whole "Be gentle, be gentle" and petting things instead of hitting. And finally when we say "No biting! Just kissing." He will kiss whatever he was about to bite. Up until now those things didn't work. And interestingly, if he's hitting or biting and we just say "No hitting!" or "No biting!" it will make him do it even more. Every single time.

Trying to bite for no reason:

Still trying to bite...

A split second before I yelled "ISAIAH NOOO!!" and he smashed Noah on the head with the old diaper sprayer:

-He's a HUGE gym rat, and pretty much his favourite place to be is in our garage gym.

In short, he's "challenging", but he's a pretty awesome kid!  We like him :)

Happy 4th Birthday Noah!

On March 18 we celebrated the fourth birthday of our first baby, our sweet Noah.

Noah is sweet, funny, smart, and kind.  He loves Cars (especially Cars 2) and fish.  He loves to play racing games on the iPad or Wii, and he loves putting on his "tuner" ("Shoom SHOOM!!") and then racing around the house against his Daddy.  He also loves to paint, draw, make bracelets, and build things (although that's mostly been on the back burner for the past while because his little brother is The Destroyer... Noah calls him "Isaiah Godzilla").

Everyday he tells me a hundred times that he loves me, and it always comes out somewhere along the lines of "Mommy, I love you a million thousand two hundred pieces!"

He got a trampoline for his birthday, and he loves it (this was before we put the net on).

We are so thankful for the past four years with our Noah.

March 18, 2010:

March 18, 2014:

The kids really didn't want their picture taken... here is an example of what the rest of the pictures looked like:

That's real life, people!

Noah and Isaiah

Again, I've taken a super long break from blogging.  Mostly because I can never remember my freaking password.  BUT, for the heck of it, here are a few pictures I took of the kids yesterday (March 11, a week before Noah's birthday).  Noah is almost 4, Isaiah is 17.5 months old.

This is the squinty-eyed scrunchy face Isaiah makes all the time.  We get such a kick out of it, as does everybody he does it to: