Another One of Those Days

I feel like I have been having a lot of "those" days lately.

Maybe it's because I am so pregnant and uncomfortable.

Maybe it's because I can't get a decent amount of sleep anymore.

Or maybe it has nothing to do with that and has everything to do with Noah suddenly deciding that he is, in fact, 2 years old.

He is usually really, really well behaved.  So maybe I'm not used to a two year old who actually acts like a two year old.  Up until about a week ago he would never tell us "No."  He was always very agreeable.  People would actually always remark on how agreeable he was, how all they ever heard was "Yes!"  And they'd ask us if he ever said "No."  Well, now we hear "No!" and "Don't!" and way too much "I DO IT!!!" in a not very nice voice.

This afternoon/evening has completely worn me down.  I took him on a huge grocery shopping trip.  This was my first mistake - I shouldn't have gone on a huge grocery shopping trip.  By the time I was loading the groceries into the van I felt like I'd been hit by a truck.

When we got home, suddenly it was meltdown city.  I still have no idea why.  He was crying as soon as we walked in the door, and it just continued from there.  It took me at least 25 minutes just to calm him down so that I could start putting groceries away, and I don't even know what I was calming him down FROM.

Then it took me an entire hour to clean out my fridge (because there wasn't enough room), throw away expired leftovers, put away all the groceries, unload the dishwasher, and wash the containers that had been holding the expired leftovers.  I wish I could say that in that time I also tidied up the main living area, because there were at least 347 toys and books strewn all over the floor and every time I looked down I wanted to cry.  But I didn't.  Because it is way too painful for me to bend over to pick crap up off the floor.

However, Noah continued to act like a tornado.  Every time I had him clean something up (which obviously takes 20 times longer than it would take an adult to do the same task), he would turn around and make a new enormous mess.

The nice dinner I'd been planning to cook got postponed to some other day, because if I felt like I'd been hit by a truck by the end of the grocery trip, by the end of putting everything away and dealing with the kitchen I felt like I'd been hit by a truck and had my feet beaten with sledgehammers.

By this time it was 6:30pm and my husband was finally back inside from training clients all day.  I sat down to massage my own aching feet while my dear husband made sausages and french fries for dinner.  And Noah continued to act like a 2 year old.  Climbing all over me despite my repeated commands to STOP BECAUSE THAT'S HURTING ME, making messes on purpose, upending his potty, throwing a wooden magnetic alphabet puzzle book so that all 52 pieces went flying around the room, telling us "No" whenever we asked him to do something simple (like "Bring me your shorts so I can put them back on you")... I was losing it.  All I could do was laugh, because otherwise I was going to put my fist through a wall.

He was acting like I'd made him stay inside all day.  I hadn't.  He spent the morning going on a tricycle ride, then running through the sprinkler with our 4 year old neighbours in their backyard, and playing in their kiddie pool.  Then after his nap I took him grocery shopping, which is always a fun excursion in his eyes.  He had plenty to keep him entertained today.  So whyyyy??

I really and truly can't tell if I'm just an impatient person (because seriously I can't stand it when he acts like a brat), or if it's because I'm pregnant and sleep deprived.

Thankfully it's almost Noah's bedtime, and my wonderful husband is dealing with him.  He also cleaned up the disaster that was my living room.  I don't know how single moms do it.  I couldn't.

My unborn child better let me get some better sleep tonight.  I truly wish I could take him out of my stomach, wrap him in an incredibly tight swaddle, and then stick him back in.

~~~~~

As a funny addition to this post, Noah just ran into his room laughing his head off while Justin followed him.  Noah said "No!" to Justin, and I, sitting on my bed across the hall typing this, said sternly "DON'T SAY THAT!"  So Noah shouted "YES!"

Hahaha.

The Sweetest 2 Year Old Boy Ever

This morning while I was bent over scrubbing the tub, Noah kept hugging me from behind, kissing my back, and saying "Thank you for cleaning my bathtub, Mommy!  I love you, Mommy."  Then he would blow me kisses.

He sure knows how to treat a lady.

It's Been a Long Week

I want to say Thank Goodness it's Friday... but my husband has a basketball tournament this weekend, so really it makes no difference to me.

I think I'm having a hard time adjusting to him being back to work.  He's a teacher, so he was on vacation for 2 weeks at Christmas.  He did run a training camp, and he did run a few basketball practices, but he was mostly home for two whole weeks.

This week of him teaching full-time, and then spending an extra 3 hours away from home while coaching has been hard for me to adjust to.  The full-time job I can handle.  The extra coaching is what leaves me bitter.  And if I'm being honest, it's not just this week that I've felt that way.  I feel that way every single week of the school year.  His coaching drives me insane.  Seriously, sitting at home alone with Noah, after a long day with a cranky kid (although he is usually very good natured), knowing that if Justin didn't choose to spend all this extra time away from us coaching, he would be home... it kind of makes me want to scream.

This week has felt particularly hard, though.  There was the adjustment of Justin being gone after 2 weeks of being home.  There is the fact that it is the start of a new year, when Justin's take-home salary drops by about $500 per month (because various taxes and deductions that were paid off by September of the previous year start up again in January).  Then there was the stress of the fertility appointment.  There was starting the fertility drugs.  There is a lot of thinking and worrying going on in that area, and although I am trying to not let it bleed into the other areas of my life, it's kind of impossible for that to not happen at least a little bit.

I feel like it's been a long week, but now that I'm really thinking about it, it may just have been a really long Thursday and Friday.  Those two days have felt like a week by themselves.

I think I need a babysitter for a couple of hours.  I need some time to myself.  Time when I don't have the 'threat' of being interrupted hanging over my head.  Justin is playing with Noah downstairs right now, so I am alone, but it doesn't feel like it because any minute now Noah could decide that he's done being downstairs and come interrupt my quiet time.

Part of me is kind of looking forward to cycle monitoring next week, just because it'll be a change of pace.  I think I need to borrow or buy a portable DVD player though.  Noah is going to tire of the daily 2 hour round trip very quickly.

My Little Mischief Maker

This month Noah has been especially mischievous.  He's always been a boundary pusher, and I've posted somewhat recently about his penchant for doing everything I don't want him to do.  This picture somewhat represents what Noah might like to do at any given moment:

I'll break it down for you.  He is holding a large, sharp fork, which he snagged from a kitchen drawer.  He has taken our bathroom garbage can, emptied it, and although you can't see it in this picture, it now contains my alarm clock.  He had put said garbage can and alarm clock into his car, and is attempting to join them, while holding the large, sharp fork.

This is very tame.  It is just the only picture I have of him engaging in activities with things I'd rather he didn't play with.

Moving along. 

Lately Noah has continued to push boundaries like crazy, both in 'secret' (when he thinks we're not watching) and for attention.  There have been a few particular instances lately that were hilariously funny after the fact, and I don't want to forget them. 

The following events are in chronological order.  They happened over the span of about a week and a half.  And they get better as they go along.


Number 1:

I was sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch and reading.  Noah had been playing with his toys independently (hooray!  a rare occasion), and all was very quiet.  After a few minutes I realized I'd been hearing a swishing noise for quite awhile, and it occured to me that I had no idea what he might be swishing around.  I figured he had reached up onto the bar-height dining room table and taken down a sheet or two of paper, and was playing with them on the hardwood floors.

Um, no.  I went into the dining room, where I saw Noah sitting in the middle of this:

That would be a wallet with approximately $3500 in cash spilling all over the floor.  Noah had climbed up onto the bar-height chairs, gotten the wallet from the middle of the table, and taken most of it out.  He apparently wanted to know what it felt like to be 'rollin in the dough.'



Number 2:

Noah went into my closet, opened the zipper of my purse, and got my deoderant out.  I told him to bring it to Mommy, and he started walking away from me.  I then told him very sternly to bring it to Mommy.  Amazingly, he started walking toward me to obey my command.  However, on the way he took the lid off of the deoderant and proceeded to shred it all over my carpet.

The bright side is, now when I turn on my dustbuster, it smells like Cool Breeze.


Number 3:

I stepped out onto the deck, leaving Noah inside, because I needed to start the barbeque.  When I tried to return to the house, I discovered that Noah had locked the patio door.

I'm locked out on the deck.  Noah is in the house.  Alone.  Smiling sneakily at me through the glass.

I did not realize he knew how to lock the door.  I am pretty sure he just realized it himself in that 30 seconds.

I had a small panic attack, until I realized that Justin was training in the garage, and therefore that door would be unlocked.  However, I did manage to get Noah to unlock the door and let me back in. 

I will be hiding a spare key outside my house in the very near future.


Number 4:

This one happened yesterday.  I left my dear angel for about 30 seconds in order to check my email.  I was sitting on my bed.  Suddenly Noah walks into my room and hoists a 2lb leaky bag of raw, bloody ground beef over his head and onto my comforter. 

"Here Mom.  I thought you should start dinner." 

There was a huge puddle of blood in the fridge (where the beef was originally in a bowl), and a trail of beef blood all through the kitchen, down the hallway, and through my bedroom, which is carpeted.  Not to mention the enormous blood stain on my comforter.  My king size comforter which does not fit in my enormous washing machine or dryer.

~~~~~~~

I'm not going to lie, two of these four events made me flip my lid.  They occured after a several hour long spurt of constantly interfering and refereeing his activities, saying no about 2347 times, and giving several time outs.  I wonder if you can guess which two.

He is awfully cute, though.





16 Months Old

At 16 months, here is where Noah is at:

-He is a little over 23lbs.

-He is about 34 inches tall.

-His head circumference is 20 inches.

-He is in size 4 diapers during the day and night.

-He wears size 4 shoes.

-He wears 24 month clothing, for the most part.  His shorts are still 9 month, although he seems to have had a growth spurt in the past month and would probably finally fit into the waistband of 12 month shorts.

-He nurses on demand, probably 8+ times a day.

-He still enjoys a balance of feeding himself and being fed when he eats solids. He eats mostly grown up food, but sometimes still has purees.

-He is getting better at using a spoon and fork, but it is an extremely messy process.

-He has 12 teeth that are fully in (front 8 teeth and 4 molars), and his four canines are in the process of breaking through.  A few tips are already poking through, and the other one is just about to break his gums.

-He has one nap a day, usually about an hour long.

-He sleeps 11-11.5 hours at night, getting up to nurse once. Bedtime is between 8 and 8:30pm most nights.

-He signs to nurse (the sign for milk), for water (waves his hand up and down), and to eat (sticks his finger in his mouth). Those are the only signs I'm consistent with, otherwise I'm sure he'd sign more.

-At 15 months Noah was saying 18 words, now at 16 months he is saying 42 words.

His old words that he's still saying are: Mama, Dada, uh oh, more, this, that, cat, night night, hot, up, yes, woof woof ("what does a dog say?"), baa ("what does a sheep say?"), moo ("what does a cow say?"), car, ball, shoes, cracker. 

His new words are: Noah, water, orange, clock, blech, hi, done, dirt, Bert, puff, swish, fluff, book, buzz, Papa, Nana, boo, fish, phone, again, home, sunglasses, Nana, Gramper, sit.

-When something is hot, Noah waves his arms around and says "Hot!  Hot!"  The oven, a candle flame, water, food, the weather... he knows exactly what "hot" is in different contexts and circumstances.  This past Sunday at church Noah saw the candle flame at the front of the church during prayer and wouldn't stop saying "HOT!"  My Dad and I were shaking with silent laughter.

-His verbal comprehension continues to amaze me.

-Noah can get into anything.  Doors, closets, cupboards, drawers, fridge, stove, freezer, dishwasher... He is just one of those kids.   He's well behaved, but at the same time he tests the limits constantly.  Seriously, constantly.  It can be sooo frustrating. 

-He climbs on everything now.  He can even climb up on our high pub chairs, and therefore can get on top of our tall pub table.  This is an unwelcome development.

-Noah loves power cords.  Anything that has a cord and plug attached to it is fascinating to him.  When we went to the cottage I didn't even need to bring toys.  Just hand him a hair dryer, alarm clock, or even just an extension cord, and he's good to go.

-He's still very cuddly and affectionate.  He is getting quite good at giving hugs and kisses to people when we say goodbye.  Especially my parents, his Granny and Gramper.  He doesn't do this very readily for my inlaws, though.

-Noah has become much friendlier in the past few months.  He will flirt with, smile at, and wave to strangers now.  He likes strangers better if he can seek them out, though, and usually from the safety of Mommy's arms or shopping cart.  If you seek him out and he doesn't know you very well, he will still look at you like "Who the heck are you and why are you looking at me?"

-No illnesses this month!  Still sitting at 12 illnesses in his 16 months of life.


I am making more of an effort the past couple of months to take Noah places and do activities with him.  As he gets older he seems to need this more.  He loves to visit people and do things out of his ordinary routine.  If we go somewhere outside of the house, he will be so happy and distracted, he won't whine or cry or anything the whole time we are out.  I really wish we didn't live in the boonies.  It makes getting out of the house much more difficult.

Noah did wonderfully this month when we went on vacation to the cottage.  He had a total blast in his new surroundings, and all my fears about his sleep were unnecessary; he slept great! 

Since we have gotten home, though, his sleep has not been great.  Normally he only gets up once a night to nurse.  In the past 9 nights we have been home, he has gotten up twice (or more) probably 5 or 6 of the nights.  I've been understanding and not made him CIO, because he is teething hardcore.  But if this continues on too much longer I think I'll have to take a bit of a firmer line.  I don't mind nursing him once overnight, and I know he sleeps longer than he would if he didn't nurse.  But he doesn't need to nurse twice.  Not for hunger purposes, anyway. 

Speaking of teething, I think it is very interesting how Noah teeths in such huge spurts.  His first spurt was from 5 to 8 months, when he got 8 teeth in 3 months.  Then he had a 5 month break, and at 13 months he started teething again.  He got his 4 molars, and 3 of his canines are showing (one is about to).  So basically he will have gotten another 8 teeth in about 3 months.  It's rough, but if I could chose it, I would chose this.  If he's going to be in pain from cutting teeth, he might as well cut a whole bunch of teeth at once, rather than one tooth at a time.

Noah hasn't been a big fan of vegetables for the past several months. But this month we figured out how to get him to eat them again - give him a utensil to eat them with! He will eat all sorts of less-than-yummy stuff if he's feeding himself with a fork or spoon.

This past weekend Justin and I were able to go out for dinner for the first time since Noah was born.  We drove into town, and dropped Noah off at my parents house at 4:30 - it was a very early dinner.  We went out for almost an hour and a half.  Noah did really well.  He asked for Mama a few times, but my parents just reminded him that I was out for dinner and would be home soon, and he accepted it.  This is huge, because he has had such horrible separation anxiety for most of his life.  So have I, for that matter!  Justin and I already missed him when we were still in my parents' driveway.  Despite this, we really enjoyed our early evening date, and I'm glad Noah did well.  He loves my parents, though.  He wouldn't have done as well with anyone else.

This month Noah has really gotten into imitating his Daddy.  He tries to copy Justin by doing pushups, situps, squats, and deadlifts, making grunting noises while he does each movement.  He also copies Daddy's big overhead stretch, groaning while he does it.  It just melts me to watch him try to be like his Dad.

This past month Noah has used the word "Mama" more than ever before.  For instance, when Justin goes into his room in the morning to get him, Noah will immediately say "Mama??  Mama??"  Like "What are you doing here, Dad?  I want my Mom!!!"  If I walk in there, he just smiles.  I love hearing him say Mama.  Maybe it's because a "Mom" is such a special thing in my mind, so having him call me by my appropriate name almost makes me feel like he recognizes what a special person I am in his life.  I have always been his favourite person by FAR, but still, it just feels so special to hear him call me Mama. 

Single Parenting - Almost Complete

My four full days of single parenting is almost over.  Justin will be home in the morning. 

It really hasn't been that bad.  It's gone a lot better than I thought it would.  It's actually been kind of nice in some ways.  I haven't had to clean up after or cook for Justin.  Thats been nice.  I've also been able to do a lot of things that I don't normally do because I try to be home for the short periods of time when Justin is actually home (an hour here, an hour there...).  Being home for an hour here and an hour there basically makes it so that I can't do anything, since we live in a small town and most of my friends, my family, and almost every store I would go to is 25 minutes away.  I've been able to go run errands I wouldn't normally be able to run, and we've had dinner with my parents twice.  They love this, of course. 

While it has gone well, I am very glad that it's almost over.  I feel like my nerves are fraying.  I am sick of not having any help or moral support.  Unfortunately tomorrow we are busy all day long with a celebration for my grandparents' 60th anniversary.  Then Monday it's back to the regular schedule.  I feel like I need a proper weekend with my husband home.  Actually, at this point I almost feel like I need to go out and do something for myself, by myself, and leave Noah at home.  I never do that, and I almost never have the desire to do that.  But doing everything 100% by myself has gotten mentally exhausting.  And Noah's teething and toddlerhood have been raring their ugly heads during the past 4 days.

The next adventure?  We're putting a fence in.  The posts are being put in tomorrow morning before church, and then on Monday we have friends coming to put the actual fence and gates up.  The wood is sitting in my driveway right now.  Yet another big project I have had to coordinate and deal with on my own.

I'm so glad I normally have a good, supportive husband living with me.  It's much better than doing it all alone.

Single Parenting

I am about to have my first real taste of single parenting.

My husband is off to OFSAA, the track and field provincial finals.  He is going to be gone for four full days, from early Wednesday morning to late Saturday night.  He is going to be 7 hours away.  For four full days.

I'm not thrilled.

We have had entire days where Justin was never around when Noah was awake, not even for half an hour.  We've also had days where Justin wasn't around at all while I was awake.  But we have never had four days in a row of it.

It's not like I can't handle it.  I am a stay at home mom, and I do 95% of Noah's caregiving, anyway.  But there are things I am definitely going to miss while Justin is gone:

-Usually in a 4 day period Justin will have time on 1 or 2 of those days to take Noah outside or downstairs to play, just the two of them, for about an hour.  During that time I sometimes get to lie on my bed, completely relaxed, and watch TV.  Uninterrupted.

-When Justin is home and not busy coaching or training clients, I can get him to play with Noah while I do things like cook dinner, clean up from dinner, fold laundry, or vacuum the house.  I can do these things with Noah around, but its a heck of a lot easier when he is happily occupied playing with his Dad.
-I'll miss the structure of dinnertime.  I will probably have a hard time finding the motivation to cook a real dinner when its just me and Noah.  I will probably gather healthy good together for Noah, and end up eating Kraft Dinner myself.

-Bathtime is not always Noah's favourite time of the day.  Today, for example, he had his Selsun stuff on for 15 minutes, and right before we needed to rinse it off and give him a bath, he decided to have a complete meltdown.  Screaming.  Neither of us had any clue why.  We hadn't even done anything.  I ended up having to get in the tub with him clinging to me like a baby monkey, while Justin did crazy antics, like making bath toys balance on his head and then fall off, complete with sound effects, in order to make Noah laugh.  Neither of those tactics would have been successful by themselves.  But obviously I can't be in the tub with him holding him and be outside the tub doing silly stunts.  Since Noah seems to be in a I-Hate-Bathtime phase, and we are currently in the middle of a 35 degree heat wave (read: mid 90s) and he needs a bath to cool him down and wash off his sweat and sunscreen, plus we're doing the Selsun therapy which needs to be washed off every night, I will really miss my husband's help during that time.

-I am going to miss hanging out with my husband in the evenings after Noah goes to bed!  Justin is almost always home during bedtime and afterward, these days.  I'll miss him in the evenings.  Hanging out alone isn't as much fun.


I'm hoping that things will be good.  I'm hoping we will find things to do to keep us busy so we won't miss Justin's presence so much.  I'm hoping bathtime will go smoothly.  I'm hoping Justin being gone will actually give me freedom to go into town a couple of times, since I normally need to avoid doing that so that we're home when Justin is home (otherwise how will Noah see his Dad?).  I'm hoping I will go to bed earlier, since there won't be anyone to hang out with in the evening.

I'm hoping the next four days will be a positive experience, and that I won't be frazzled and ticked off.

14 Months Old

Better late than never, right? 


At 14 months old, here is where Noah is at:

-He weighs about 21.5lbs.  He was 22lbs even with his clothes and shoes on, carrying my big pile of keys (I wasn't about to pry them out of his fingers and have a tantrum on my hands in the middle of the doctor's office).  This is just under 50th percentile, according to WHO chart for breastfed babies.

-He is about 32.5 inches tall, 98th percentile, according to WHO chart for breastfed babies.

-He's between the 10th and 25th percentile for weight-for-length, according to the WHO chart for breastfed babies.

-His head measures 19.9 inches around.  Over 100th percentile, according to the WHO chart for breastfed babies.  Massive.  But it's not wide, it's deep, so it doesn't actually look like he has a giant noggin.

-He is just about to move into size 4 diapers 100% of the time.  He still fits size 3 Pampers Cruisers really well, but he is too tall for other size 3 diapers (even though they fit his waist well).

-He still breastfeeds on demand, which is usually around 10 times a day.

-75% of his nutrition still comes from breastfeeding.  He is beginning to want to eat more solids more often.  I let him lead the way.

-He will still eat purees if there are no "solid" solids in sight.  I have a whole bunch of jarred baby food to use up, so I'm still going for it.

-He loves meat and fruit.  They are his favourite.  He also really likes peanut butter sandwiches.  He does not like vegetables anymore.  Sad:(

-He still enjoys a balance of being fed and feeding himself.

-He wears 18 and 24 month clothing, depending on what it is.  Except shorts.  He wears 9 month shorts.  The little skinny-minny.

-He wears size 4 shoes.

-He has 10 teeth.  The front 8 (4 top and 4 bottom), which have been in since he was 8 months old, and now his one year molars on top are poking through his gums a fair bit.  On the bottom his gums are swollen, like he has two marbles under his gums. 

-He's been down to one nap for a month.  This nap is about an hour long, give or take a few minutes.

-He sleeps 11-11.5 hours at night, getting up to nurse once.  I have no idea when he will drop that overnight nursing.

-Did you do the math?  He only sleeps 12-12.5 hours a day.

-Bedtime is still about 8-8:30pm, despite the one nap.  I prefer to start my morning sometime past 7, and if I put him to bed earlier he does wake up earlier.

-He signs to nurse (the sign for milk), for water (waves his hand up and down), and to eat (sticks his finger in his mouth).  Those are the only signs I'm consistent with, otherwise I'm sure he'd sign more.

-He still doesn't say much verbally.  Just Dad, a little bit of Mama, uh oh, that, this...  He just started doing two animal sounds, though.  He says, "Woof woof" when he hears a dog or we ask what a dog says, and he says "Ca Ca" for what a bird says.   He totally started doing both of those on his own, though, imitating the dogs and birds that live around us.  He really is not into copying us verbally, except for those two noises now.

-I am always surprised by how much he understands.  He can follow so many instructions, even multi-step instructions like "Get your shoes so we can go outside!"  He'll run and get his shoes and then go to the door and try to go outside. 

Here are some other examples (by no means a comprehensive list):

*"Do you want to listen to music?"  He'll nod, smile, point to the iPod dock, and start dancing.

*"Do you want to go downstairs?" He'll run to the top of the stairs gate.
*"Are you hungry?" He signs to eat. "Go get in your high chair!"  He'll run over to his high chair and reach up to try and get into it.

*"Can you get Mommy's brush for her?" He will literally go to the bathroom, open the drawer, get out my brush, and bring it to me.

*"No hitting!  Gentle, Noah, gentle..."  He will start gently patting whatever he was being too rough with, be it the cats or my face or his own head. 

*He also can answer "Where's Mommy's nose?" and "Where's Mommy's belly button?" by pointing the the appropriate body part.  He'll even lift up my shirt to find my belly button.  He doesn't point to those things on himself, though.

*On his own body he points out his ears, feet, and hands when asked.

*If we tell him not to do something when we're somewhere other than home, he looks at us very seriously, nods his head, and stops what he's doing.  He also shakes his head no, when appropriate.

-He's a very sweet boy, and very cuddly and kissy.  He loves to hug other babies, our cats, and pictures of animals.

-He loves to get out our swiffers and swiffer all over our floors.  He'll swiffer the carpets, couches, and coffee tables too.  He also imitates me cleaning by rubbing cloths on the floor and tables.

-He loves to play outside.  A little over a month ago he was still not a big fan of it, but now he loves it.  He would spend most of his day outside if he could.  The weather hasn't been very conducive to this, though.

-He got comfortable walking on the grass just before 14 months.  I've mentioned that he is a very careful little guy, so before this it felt too unsteady for him and he would just stand still if we put him on the grass.

-He can open closet doors now, as well as regular doors.  Unwelcome development.

-I can leave the stair gates open without worrying that he will fall down the stairs.  I only use them to confine him to one floor or another, but sometimes I leave them open and he just goes up and down the stairs (without me there) to his heart's content.  He's very careful, and very quick.

-He is a lot more comfortable around strangers, now.  He sticks close to me for a little while, but then gets more adventurous.  He still doesn't smile much at strangers, but he is a lot less scared of them than he used to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A typical day in our house is very relaxed.  Noah wakes up between 7 and 8 (usually more like between 7:15 and 7:45).  I get up with him, immediately nurse him (he's usually hungry and disgruntled, so this is the reset button), then change his bum.  Then we go out into the rest of the house and play.  I make myself breakfast at some point.  Sometimes Noah wants some, sometimes he waits until later.  After we have breakfast that's usually when I unload and reload the dishwasher.  Then I get in the shower and get ready for the day. 

Sometimes after my shower we'll have time to go outside before Justin gets home for lunch.  Sometimes not, and sometimes it's just not nice enough weather.  Actually, often it's not nice enough weather.  Sometimes this is when I throw laundry in or do some other chores. 

Justin comes home for lunch from 11:00-11:30, and we hang around with him.  Noah often gets little bites to eat during this time.  Justine leaves, and we play more.  Noah goes down for his nap sometime after 12:30.  He generally stays awake for about 5 hours in the morning.  He always nurses before his nap - always.  (He also nurses whenever he asks for it all day long, but these nursing sessions are not at the same times everyday, which is why I only mention the nursings before or after he wakes up).  He sleeps for an hour, and during this time I try to take time to myself to relax.  I make myself lunch and watch something from the PVR.  The hour goes by quickly.  Noah is always awake before I know it.  He almost always nurses immediately when he wakes up, because he's usually pretty ticked off.  It's just his personality - he's rarely happy right when he wakes up.  After nursing he's good to go.

If we are going to go do anything out of the house, like running errands, this is typically when we do it.  Occasionally I can fit errands in before nap, but I rarely have the motivation to rush around to shower and eat and get ready in time to do errands and then be home for when Justin gets home at 11.  I don't have to be there, but I think it's nice that we can all spend a little bit of time together in the middle of the day, especially since we don't see him in the morning before he goes to work.

For the rest of the afternoon it's always different.  Sometimes chores, sometimes hanging out with Justin if he gets home from work early, sometimes visiting with my Mom or Dad or a friend.  Sometimes just hanging out and doing nothing in particular.  Of course, I make dinner in the evening and clean up the kitchen and dishes immeidately afterward.

I tend to have the most motivation to do chores in the hour before I am supposed to start bedtime routine (I aim to start that at 7:30).  That's when I'll suddenly decide to catch up on laundry, vacuum the entire house, and give Noah a haircut.  And those overly ambitious nights are the nights that Noah doesn't get into bed until 8:30.  I generally aim for 8:00, but I'm often a bit later.

I almost always have my house cleaned up and tidied before I start bathing Noah.  I also wash my own face and brush my teeth before I bathe Noah.  It's just this thing I have.  I need to be ready for bed and need everything to be in its place before Noah goes to bed.  I nurse Noah to sleep every night.  I usually cuddle and nurse him for about 20 minutes... I love holding my sleeping little baby.  I really cherish these times with him, especially since he's already 14 months.  Before I know it he won't be sleeping in my arms again - ever.

(I want to clarify that although I do nurse Noah to sleep, he can put himself to sleep, and he does that on a regular basis. If he doesn't show signs of falling asleep in the first 10-15 minutes of nursing, he goes in his crib awake, and is usually asleep within about 5 minutes).

After I put him in his crib, I do whatever little things need to be done, like finishing cleaning up the bathroom after his bath, or put away the things he threw around the house as I was wrangling him into the bathtub.  Then I collapse on my bed and watch TV.  Justin is usually around by then, with no more clients to train, so we hang out and watch TV until I feel tired enough to sleep.


So that's my day!  Sounds nice, doesn't it?  I love spending all my time with Noah, cooking, cleaning, and playing.  It's not amazing every single day, but it's pretty darn close:)

A Newborn's Conversation With God

A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

God said, "Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."

God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you.
And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the small child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."


God said, "You will simply call her, 'Mom.'"

Mother's Day, 2011

I love Mother's Day.  And I love that I love Mother's Day, now.  After experiencing infertility, and the awful dread of this day in May, it is wonderful to be able to participate in a day in which everybody celebrates Mothers.

I love being a Mom.  I feel like nobody could love being a mom more than me.  Logically I know this is probably not true, but I just love it that much that it feels like it could be true.  I don't need one day to celebrate being a mom, but this one day sure does feel special to me.

On the morning of Mother's Day 2011, my 13.5 month old Noah handed me a Mother's Day card.  Adorable:)  My gift, a personalized Noah necklace from The Vintage Pearl, is en route.  After hurrying to get ready, we went to church, then spent the day at my parents' house with all of my siblings.  Noah had a fantastic day, despite only having one half hour nap all day long.

I don't often write about details of my days.  I think since my readership has "grown" I am more guarded about what I write about.  There are a lot of boring details (not boring to me, but probably boring to others) I would like to remember that I don't blog about, because I feel like every blog post needs to be an "event" now, instead of just my life.  This makes it so that I write less, which I don't like.  I am going to try and get over this.  And I'm starting here, since Mother's Day is a big deal in my little world, and I'd like to remember the details.

So the nap thing.  Noah woke up at 7:45am, and finally at 1:15pm we had to leave my parents for a bit to go for a drive so he would hopefully fall asleep. Elijah and Josiah were using both cribs, so there wasn't even a chance of that happening (although it's very unlikely he would sleep in someone else's crib), and Noah wouldn't fall asleep when I tried to nurse him. He'd been awake for 5.5 hours. He fell asleep on the drive, but only slept half an hour. So he only had one half hour nap the whole day.

He was really good though. Everyone was impressed with him in church. I nursed him a couple of times and fed him mum mums, so he was good. He was at the end of his patience by the end of the 25 minute sermon, but then it was over, thankfully. Our services are a minimum of 75 minutes long. I wish it was just an hour. But Noah did well anyway.

He was especially so good compared to Elijah and Josiah (my nephews). They were SO whiney and shrieky all day. Noah was a total angel. And he just wanted to keep hugging and kissing Josiah, who's 7 months old.  Like I said a couple of days ago, he is just so sweet.  Unfortunately, Josiah was FREAKING OUT like Noah was trying to kill him. But anytime I touched Noah's arms to check his hold, it was clear that Noah was being soooo gentle. He wasn't squeezing him or anything. At one point Noah cried because Josiah was screaming so much and he just wanted to hug and kiss him. It was so cute and sad. And Noah cried/pouted a couple of times when Elijah hurt him by slamming his fingers in toys. But he had a really good day.

We put him in his pajamas before we left and he fell asleep 5 minutes from home. I could have just taken him out of his carseat and put him in his bed. When I took him out and laid him on his sleepsack and put his arms through and zipped him up he stayed compeltely asleep. When I picked him up to nurse him he kind of grimaced and made a small pouting noise, but didn't wake up. I easily could have just put him in the crib, but I didn't want to be too full overnight, so I wanted him to nurse from at least the one side.  He did, and was in bed after about 5 minutes.

Before I Was a Mom

Before I was a Mom:

I made and ate hot meals;

I had unstained clothing;

I wore makeup every day;

I had quiet conversations on the phone;

I slept as late as I wanted and I slept all night long.


Before I was a Mom:

My house was always clean and tidy;

I never tripped over toys or sang lullabies;

I didn't worry whether or not my floor cleaner was poisonous;

I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, chewed on, peed on, or pinched by tiny fingers.


Before I was a Mom:

I never looked into teary eyes and cried;

I had never so badly wished I could take another person's pain;

I never felt my heart break into pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt;

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.


Before I was a Mom:

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down;

I never sat up late hours of the night watching a baby sleep;

I never got up in the middle of the night to make sure everything was okay;

I didn't know how special it could feel to nurse a hungry baby.


Before I was a Mom:

I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts and my body;

I didn't know that having something so small could make me feel so important;

I didn't know the weight and the pure joy of being the most significant person in a tiny being's life;

I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment, or the satisfaction of being a mom.


Before I was a Mom:

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much;

I didn't know the bond between a Mother and her child;

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much;

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside of my body;

I never knew that I could love someone so much.


Before I was a Mom:

I never understood that you could love someone so much you would truly give your life for them, without even a second thought.


Happy Mother's Day to all of the Mommy's out there!

And to all those who have yet to become Moms in the way that society recognizes, my heart truly does ache for you.  I pray that all your dreams will come true soon.  And in my eyes you are all mothers, waiting for your children.

A Mom Like Me...

When I first entered Motherhood, I found it to be a very bonding experience.  I suddenly felt connected with almost every other mother out there, past and present.  Having a newborn is some crazy business that I just couldn't imagine before I actually had a baby, and once I had one I felt like I was in the loop.  And so was every other mother.

Now Noah is just 8 days away from turning 10 months old, and the more time passes the more I start to feel... isolated.  Sometimes I feel disconnected from other mothers, rather than connected to them.  And no, it's not because I'm a stay-at-home-mom.  It's because I really think that no two mothers are exactly the same, no two babies are exactly the same, and I just want another mother who's exactly like me, with a baby who's exactly like mine, to be friends with.  Someone I can relate to, and who can relate to me 100%, instead of in bits and pieces.

Going through infertility was an isolating experience, because unless you've gone through infertility, you can't imagine the emotional pain that's involved.  But, I found this big community of IFers on the internet, and whether we had suffered for 1, 2, 3, or 4 years of infertility, whether we ended up conceiving naturally, through IUI, IVF, a donor, or having a child through adoption, we all knew what the suffering felt like.  We could all empathize and connect with one another over the shared pain.

I don't necessarily always find the same to be true with motherhood.  And this is quite possibly because I'm really IN it right now.  I might feel differently once I no longer have babies and toddlers.  But for the past while I've noticed that while it may have seemed at the beginning that there were other mothers like me, as time passes, they're just not anymore. 

Somewhere out there there must be someone like me...

A mother who's gone through infertility, and will deal with that pain everytime she wants another child.

A mother who breastfeeds totally exclusively.  Whose kid has never had a bottle or cup, and didn't start solids until past 6 months.  And who wants it that way.

A mother who takes the advice that "breastmilk should be the main source of nutrition for the first year - or more - of life" seriously, and who doesn't feel the need to give her little baby 3 "solid" meals a day just because certain baby books say she should.  A mother who thinks that perhaps babies' little digestive systems haven't necessarily evolved so that they should be handling a whole lot else besides breastmilk at such a young age, considering thousands of years ago they didn't have "pureed baby food" to feed young babies.

A mother who thought cosleeping was a nice idea, but who couldn't pull it off because she just couldn't sleep with the baby in the room.

A mother who was firmly against cry-it-out, and then ended up with an 8 month old who was a terrible sleeper.  She tried everything, and was forced to use CIO.  She realized that while it may not be her first option, it works, and it doesn't make you a terrible parent.

A mother who has a child who ONLY CAT NAPS, because that's just who he is.

A mother who has a child who was impossible to schedule before 9 months old, who gave up trying, and who really doesn't care anymore, but is still diligent in watching the clock and her child for cues of hunger and fatigue.

A mother who has a child who nursed literally every hour or hour and a half until he was about 5 months old, when he moved to a 2 hour "schedule" (I use that term loosely) and is still there at almost 10 months old.  And who doesn't care.

A mother who doesn't feel the need to wean at 1 year of age just because extended breastfeeding isn't exactly the norm in North America, and who has researched and understands the incredible value of breastmilk and nursing past the age of 1.

A mother whose kid has phases of major separation and stranger anxiety that stop her from functioning like a normal stay at home mom and actually doing chores while her husband is at work.

A mother who is willing to tote her kid around on "long" drives because she thinks babies need to be used to the car, but she doesn't do it in excess and will decline an invitation if she knows that on that particular day, her baby will be cranky during the long car ride.

A mother whose kid detests the playpen, and hysterically screams the moment he's put in it.

A mother who has never left her baby for more than an hour and a half, and only on maybe 4 occasions in his 10 months of life.

A mother who hasn't been outside of her home past 7pm for her child's entire life, because bedtime is important.

A mother who chose (and was able) to put her career on hold (or possibly end it forever) and take a step down in her standard of living in order to stay home with her child(ren) because she knew that nothing could fulfill her more than being the one to take care of her babies full time, every single day.  Even though she held an extremely coveted full-time teaching position, which, where she lives, requires 5 years of university, 2 degrees, and an average of SEVEN YEARS of occasional teaching to achieve after graduation, she gave it up, because she knows that at the end of her life, she won't wish that she had worked more.  But she would wish that she spent more time with her kids.


I'm not saying my way is the only way.  But sometimes it sure would be nice if there was someone out there just like me.