No More Soother?

I may have unintentionally weaned Noah off the soother.

For the past while I haven't been rocking Noah to sleep.  I've either nursed him to sleep or put him in his crib awake.  It just so happens that a nursing session always falls right before naptime, and if he doesn't fall asleep while he's nursing then I put him down awake.  I used to give him a soother if I put him in his crib awake, but I stopped doing that a couple of weeks ago because he always seemed to spit it out before he even fell asleep.

Well, this afternoon his nursing session didn't happen to fall right before naptime, and by the time naptime came he was pretty hyper.  I didn't want to just stick him in his crib all hyped up, so I tried giving him a soother and rocking him to sleep (I do want him to be able to fall asleep from me rocking him for when we're out somewhere else).

For about 5 minutes he was just being really goofy and silly with the soother.  He was biting it instead of sucking on it,.  Eventually he just spit it out, so I didn't put it back in.  Then he actually relaxed and fell asleep in my arms without sucking on his soother.  This is only the second time this has happened since he was a couple of months old!  The last time was a total fluke, but this time it didn't seem like as much of a fluke. 

He's still mildly interested in his soothers if he sees one, but I rarely give him a soother and when I do, he doesn't suck on it anymore.  He just chews on it.

I wasn't intending to take his soother away.  My only thing was that I didn't want him to be a soother kid, who always had one in his mouth or who NEEDED one to sleep.  So I didn't offer it to him throughout the day unless he was uncharacteristically cranky or we were out somewhere and he seemed to want it.  Other than that it was always a naptime/bedtime thing.  After I started the sleep training, the soother seemed to become less and less necessary.  If I'm teaching him to fall asleep on his own, why teach him to do it with a crutch like a soother?  Besides, him falling asleep on his own usually involves a little fussing (and occasionally a minute of crying), so the soother falls out and he never replaces it on his own, even though he knows how.  Obviously he didn't need to suck to fall asleep.  And since I've been nursing him to sleep or putting him to bed awake, he seems to have almost forgotten what to do with a soother.

The last time I remember him spending much time with a soother in his mouth was in December.  I don't think he has used one at all in January.  This kind of snuck up on me.  And I'm not sure if I'm happy about it.  On the one hand, some parents have horror stories about trying to get their kid off the soother.  And I didn't want to have a 2 year old who still used one.  On the other hand, it was cute!  It made him still seem like a baby.  I liked his sweet face with a soother in his mouth.

I'm kind of sad.  However, it has just occured to me that this no-soother thing may have contributed to him taking hour long naps more frequently.  I should be grateful. 

So why am I considering trying to get him to want to suck on a soother again??

Will I Eat My Words?

Remember a couple of months back when I said that I wish Noah had a twin?  Well, we're about to find out if I take that back or not.

I've mentioned my good friend Erin and her daughter Aubrey who live across the street.  Aubrey is 3 weeks older than Noah.  Erin works 2 days a week (Tuesday and Thursday - down from full-time pre-baby and down from 4 days a week when Aubrey was about 7 months old).  Aubrey has been in a daycare that is actually at Erin's work since Erin's husband Mark went back to work at the beginning of January (he took 4 months of parental leave).  Are we following?

Well, ever since her first day in daycare, Aubrey has been sick.  After the first day she ended up with pneumonia!  She lost 2 lbs (which, for a 21 lb baby is a lot) in a few days, and if she wasn't breastfed her doctor would have put her in the hospital.  Then, after she recovered from pneumonia, she ended up with a double eye infection.

Erin and Mark (and Erin's two doctor parents) have had enough of this business, so Erin asked me if I would be interested in watching Aubrey 1-2 times a week (Mark works shift, so he's sometimes home on the days Erin works).  They pay $34 a day at Generations, her current daycare, so that was the price they were looking for.

$34 a day isn't much.  And if it was anybody else, I would have just said no.  But, after talking to Erin about naptime logistics, I agreed to give it a try.  Here are my reasons:

1. I love Aubrey.  I've been hanging around her a couple of times a week since she was in the womb.  I have an actual attachment to her.  And I've felt so sad for her that she's been so sick.  And she's a pretty easy, happy, goofy baby.  If she was another Noah (separation anxiety wise), I don't think I'd do it.

2. It's only 1-2 days a week.  It's not like I'm tied down because of someone else's baby everyday for the entire week.

3. I'm just at home pretty much everyday anyway, so does it really matter if it's only $34 a day?  I don't have to provide her food or anything.  $34 a day is still something when I'd be doing pretty much the same thing I do everyday now anyway.  My maternity leave pay is gone in about a month and a half, and even taking in just $200 extra each month will be helpful.

4. Noah loves other kids.  He and Aubrey are best buds, and I think he'd enjoy having Aubrey here once or twice a week all day, plus the times Erin and I get together for a tea/playdate.

I have two concerns with the situation.  One is how Noah will do when I'm busy with Aubrey.  He is so attached to me and has such bad separation anxiety.  And sometimes he will completely lose it if he thinks I'm leaving.  I think having Aubrey around might actually make it easier for me to switch laundry from the washer to the dryer or go to the bathroom, since Noah will have a playmate and distraction.  But if I have to take Aubrey (who goes down for her naps a little bit earlier than Noah) to her room for naptime, Noah will likely lose his mind.

My other concern is the fact that Noah is still nursed every 2 hours during the day (and I'm not about to change that for this situation), so what do I do with Aubrey while he's nursing?  He's distractable, so if she's playing with toys right in front of us, he wouldn't nurse very well.  She's okay with the exersaucer/jumperoo, so I guess I could throw her in there and go to the next room.  But that feels mean to do to her 4 times a day.

Breastfeeding Twin Mamas - what do you do?

So I guess those are my only two concerns.  What do I do with Aubrey while I'm breastfeeding my distractable son, and how will Noah react if I'm doing something with Aubrey and he's "left out."  I'm not really concerned about the fact that I'll have two extremely mobile speed crawlers and cruisers.  My house is extremely baby proofed, so I can handle mobility.

I have Aubrey 2 1/2 days this week.  Tuesday, Thursday, and a half day on Friday.  Any advice?

Who IS This Child??

Dear Aliens Who Stole My Child's Personality and Replaced it With That of a Monster,

GIVE ME BACK MY KID!

Sincerely,

Noah's Mom

Winter Blahs

How long until winter is over?  I am sick of having a couple of feet of snow in my yard and -20 temperatures outside.  I want to take Noah to the park!  I want to let him play outside!  I want to push him down the street on his trike instead of pushing him around the living room (man, he loves that thing).  I want to feel like it's no big deal to step foot out of the house.

I'm going a bit nutty these past few days.  There's nothing to DO!  Noah's naptime is right in the middle of everything I could go to: church, Mommy and Me, Baby Drop In.  My parents are on a cruise, and they're my people who I can just call and say "Are you working?  No?  Good.  I'm coming over."  They live 25 minutes away, so it's a bit of a trip, but worth it.  Everybody else I visit with has to be planned in advance.  I have two friends who live around here who I'm comfortable just calling up and getting together with (the price you pay when you go to university out of town and then move back to your hometown: all your best university friends live far away). My one friend across the street is working and busy a lot of the time, for whatever reason.  My other good friend in town (25 minutes away) is very difficult to get together with because our kids on on opposite schedules, her son sleeps a LOT, when he's sleeping you're not allowed in her house because he'll wake up (plus they cosleep and he has never napped in the crib so she has to be RIGHT THERE with him when he's napping), and she won't drive out to my house with her baby because she thinks he can't handle the car ride.

Plus Noah keeps going from perfectly happy to totally FUSSY for no reason.  It's very tiring.  And I feel bad for thinking it's tiring because I love him and I don't like to complain when I know I'm so lucky to have a baby.

AND he's not listening!!  He knows what "No" means, but he ignores it!  Or he shakes his finger back at us (which is pretty frickin funny, actually).  I don't know what I'm supposed to do about a 10 month old who doesn't listen.  I mean, he doesn't fully comprehend life, so even if he knows that "No" means he should stop, I don't think he fully gets it.

I shouldn't complain.  My life rocks, and I love it.  I just wish there was something to do.  Besides have sex (but not instead of).  Every night.  Don't ask me where this came from.  If I was childless and my husband didn't work, we'd probably be at it 3 times a day. 

First Step!

Noah is 10 months and 1 week old (January 26, 2011)

Noah took his first, albeit unsteady, step today! 

Noah is pretty good at standing unassisted, and he's a great cruiser, so I've just been waiting for this to happen any day.  And today was the day.  He was standing about 2 feet away from me.  I said "Walk to Mommy, Noah!"  He took one unsteady step, and then went down on all fours ("Why would I walk when I'm so good at crawling?")

He's not walking or anything, and I don't see that happening in the next month.  But I felt that his very first independent step was worth mentioning.

My baby's growing up!

Hormonal Musings (A Post About ME!)

This post is probably entirely Too Much Information.  Be forewarned.

SO things have been a little different in our household lately.  Since the beginning of January Justin and I have been working to cut out all grains from our diet.  Justin has actually been really good and only cheated once (and got a giant headache as a reward).  I, on the other hand, have been doing this more slowly and mostly just trying to avoid gluten.  We will eat rice about once a week, but other than that I never cook anything that has grain in it anymore.

(It's a very long explanation, but we're doing this because grains are horrible for you.  For ANYBODY.  They are biologically designed to attack whoever eats them, and basically they punch holes in your gut, and cause tons of autoimmune diseases, infertility, etc.  Dairy and legumes have a similar effect. Obviously not everybody has these problems, but grains do, in fact, treat everybody the same way.  It's just that some people are more sensitive to these effects than others.  So we've been cutting grains - especially gluten, which is the worst contributor - out of our diet to see what kind of effect it has on our fertility, my colitis, and our general health and well-being. )

Some interesting things have happened since I have cut back on my grain intake:

1. I suddenly have a sex drive.  I mentioned my lack of sex drive and all the complicated possible reasons for it back in my post on Baby #2.  Well, it has reappeared.  We've been having sex several times a week (or more), because I want it, not because I feel like I should because I love my husband.  This is a nice - and welcomed - change.  In my opinion, this is the most sex we've ever had.  It's not technically the most sex we've ever had, because we obviously had a lot of sex when we were trying to get pregnant.  But that was mostly obligation sex ("We better never go more than a day without doing it because we don't want to miss ovulation...").  Like I said before, infertility kind of ruined my appetite for sex, and nursing seemed to make that even worse.  Suddenly, not so much.  I'm still nursing as much as I always have.  So could it be the lack of grains?  In our research we have read that decreased libido can be a side effect of al those gut irritants.  Interesting...

2. Last week I spotted verrry lightly from Monday to Thursday (Jan 17 to 20).  It was a similar sort of spotting I used to get the day before I would get my period during the cycles we were doing IUI and I was 100% for sure ovulating.  It never really got any heavier than just the slightest bit of pink (and occasionally a small streak of red).  It definitely was not a period - this I know for sure.  I don't know what it was, though.

3. I had a negative OPK!!  I've mentioned before that one of the symptoms of my fertility issues are that I always have positive or almost positive OPKs.  I have taken about 10 OPKs since giving birth, just for the heck of it, most of them in the past few months.  All have been positive.  This past week I took one when I was spotting that was also positive.  Today I took one, just for funsies, and it was negative.  Negative!  Wahoo!  It wasn't super negative, but the test line was definitely lighter than the control line.  I'm going to keep monitoring this every so often, just for my own awareness.  But this is the first time I've had a negative OPK since giving birth.


I kind of went into this no-grain thing half-heartedly.  Even though I know all the issues grains cause, and how beneficial it can be to get rid of them, I haven't really been into it.  I haven't really believed anything would change for me, personally.  But I'm not so sure now.  Maybe these 3 things are connected?  They're pretty out of the ordinary for me.

I guess we'll wait and see... :)

10 Months Old

Here is where Noah is at at 10 months old:

-He's 31 inches tall, 100th percentile.

-He weighs 20lbs 5oz naked (after a good nursing).  That's about 35th percentile, and almost a pound gain in less than a month!

-He is 5th percentile for 'weight for length'

-His head circumference is 19 inches..

-He wears size 3 diapers during the day, and size 4 diapers at night (we just switched to size 4s the night before he turned 10 months because of night-leaking).

-He wears 18 month clothing.  His sleepers, onesies, and shirts fit perfectly, his 18 month pants are a little bit long.

-He has 8 teeth, the four top and four bottom.

-He nurses every 2 hours or so all day long (two nursings during each awake period), and once overnight.  He nurses 7-8 times in a 24 hour period.

-He has one meal of solids (mostly purees) at dinnertime, and throughout the day he might have little nibbles of what I'm eating.  I'm careful about what he has, but I don't follow a specific '3 day wait' rule anymore.

-He is obsessed with fruit.  If he sees a piece of fruit and isn't allowed to eat it, he has a little hissy fit.

-He's still constipated pretty much all the time.  We have only a couple of normal poops in a month.

-After a long break, he's starting to show a little bit of interest in the sippy cup, although he is really terrible at getting water out of it.  he chews more than sucks.  But at least it's water in there!  He seems to love the taste of water now, whereas it disgusted him a few months ago. 

-He goes to bed at 7, has one night nursing sometime after 4am, and wakes up around 7, sometimes later if he has a long awake period around 6am and ends up falling back asleep.

-He has 2 naps a day, each usually 30-40 minutes long (although sometimes he'll have an hour long nap).  He's not on a strict schedule, and his naptimes start anywhere between 10-11am, and 2:30-3:30pm.

-He stands unassisted for far longer periods of time, far more frequently.  His record is several minutes.

-He can stand up from a squatting position without holding on to anything, and can squat down slowly and gracefully from standing without holding on to anything.

-He's a much better cruiser now, and walks with his walker really well.  However, on the hardwood floors he has a tendency to let it get ahead of him and ends up looking like he's charging through the house on a rampage.

-He's been hands and knees crawling and pulling up to stand for 3 months.

-He's been climbing stairs for at least a couple of months, but he's really fast at it now.

-If he loses something under the couch he'll crawl over, lay on his tummy, peer under the couch, and reach for the object.

-He waves "Hi!" when we say "Say 'hi'!"  He lifts his arms when we say "Up!" and understands the word "No," but doesn't always listen to it (these are several months old).  These are the 3 "commands" that we can tell 100% for sure that he understands.

-He still babbles a lot and says things like Dada, Dad, dat, dis, deh, that seem like words, but I'm not sure if he is really intending them to be words.  He likes to imitate singular sounds we make like fff, sss, tthh, but not really any combinations of letters. 

-Just started babbling "Mamama" again after a long break.  I don't think he's calling me "Mama" though.
-He's still pointing a lot to things he wants or places he wants to go.

-His new fascination is with light switches.  He loves to turn lights on and off.

-He puts objects in containers and balls into the holes they're supposed to go into.

-He plays with his "talking" toys a lot more purposefully now.  Instead of mashing his hands around on things in an excited way, he carefully presses specific buttons to hear specific words and noises.  It's need to see him become so purposeful in this area.

-We have this framed print in our house that has the line from the hymn: "All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small, all things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all."  Noah LOVES it, and always points to go over to it.  When we start reading it to him (we point to the words as we read them) he gets this huge adorable smile on his face, and sometimes starts giggling.  It's so cute!

-He started dropping toys off his high chair tray all the time shortly after he turned 9 months.  He would do this occasionally before but I always ignored it.  Then Daddy made a FUN GAME out of it *rolls eyes and sighs*, so I'm trying to break him of this habit.


-He loves it when I spray water in his mouth with a spray bottle.  He laughs and opens his mouth for it again and again.  His face is hilarious.  A squinty wince, with his mouth wide open... so cute.

-He's figured out how to undo the bottom of our top-of-the-stair gate, and he gets really ticked off that he can't pull it all the way open.

-His pincer grasp is about the same as last month.  Not amazing, but not bad.

-He detests the playpen (immediately starts screaming if he's put in it), and doesn't like being in his jumperoo.  So basically, he's a free man all the time.  Therefore, I can't shower unless he's sleeping.  I can't vacuum unless he's in the sling (or my husband is home).

-Diaper changes are still a big battle, but this past month he has added a freak-out everytime we lay him on the change table.  Sometimes he'll cry the entire time he's being changed.  It's ridiculous, really.

-He hugs and kisses Mommy (with a wide open slobbery mouth) all the time.  He's been kissing me for months, but this month he started kissing Daddy!  He'll only kiss his ear, though, because Daddy's face is too scratchy:)  I find that hilarious.  The few times he's tried to kiss his cheek or mouth he came away with an injured, disgusted look on his face.  It cracks us up!

-He is an enormous Mommy-suck.  He is so attached to me I can hardly even describe it.  He cannot be distracted or dissuaded if he wants his Mom, and he wants his Mom often.  After seeing any display of this Mommy-suckyness, people agree that if I were going back to work when my maternity leave is technically over in 2 months, he honestly might never recover.  I am the be-all and end-all in his life, and if I disappeared I honestly think he might will himself to die.


A typical day in our house at 10 months old might look like this:

7:00am - Wake up
7:30am - Nurse
9:30am - Nurse
10:15am - Sleep
11:00am - Wake up
11:30am - Nurse
1:30pm - Nurse
2:15pm - Sleep
3:00pm - Wake up
3:30 - Nurse
5:00 - Nurse
6:00 - Dinner (solids)
6:40 - Bath time
7:00 - Nurse and bedtime (plus 1 night feeding)

That's what a typical day MIGHT look like, but we are by no means on a schedule and the timing of things can be different everyday.  If a nap goes long, or he wants to nurse sooner or later, or he does seem to want to sleep... everyday is different.  The one basically consistent part of our day is the wake, nurse, nurse, nap, nurse, nurse, nap, nurse, nurse, dinner, bath, bedtime (with nursing).  Lately Noah has been nursing to sleep for his naps more often just because that's when his feeding happens to land.  And I'm not a nazi about not letting him fall asleep nursing.  I try to have him fall asleep in a variety of ways throughout the week so that he has "versatility."  I want him to be able to fall asleep nursing, rocking, on his own, or in the car.

Now that Noah is down to 2 short naps a day I have even less time to get things done around the house.  I use his first nap to shower (I have to finish getting ready while he's awake, usually), and his second nap I use to try and relax and eat something, since I don't have time to do that during the rest of the day.  I do most of my chores when Justin is home because it's way easier to clean my house without Noah strapped to my body or trying to climb my legs.

We seem to have had a month off from teething, which has been nice.  And it's been nice going down to 2 naps, which we did right at 9 months, even though that usually means I have less baby-free time.  It's just been a lot easier to do other things now that Noah has awake periods of at least 3 hours, and can usually stay awake (and be happy) for 4 hours or more if we're out doing something.

Noah's 10th month has been lots of fun.  It's crazy watching him grow up so quickly, and I can't believe he's going to be a year old so soon!  I should start thinking about his birthday party...

Moving Up to Size 4

For the past week Noah has been leaking overnight.  Just a small patch through his onesie and onto his sleeper.  I had decided that I would wait and see if it was a consistent thing before I moved him up a diaper size for overnight.  4 out of 5 nights he leaked.  Last night I decided to try size 3 Pampers Cruisers.  We usually use Baby Dry, and I've been happy with them, but we have a whole bunch of size 3's left (like, a thousand), and they fit Noah fine.  Plus Cruisers are a little bit bigger than Baby Dry's, and they have "Dry Max" (which I was never thrilled with in the Swaddlers), so I was hoping that that combination would hold in the leaks.

It was way worse.  The entire front of his left pajama leg was soaked.  SOAKED.  He has never leaked even close to that bad with the Baby Dry's.  He has only had a little wet patch near the edge of the diaper.  And he is usually in bed a good hour longer than he was last night.  (This is just another piece of evidence for me that Cruisers are not worth the extra money.  I've always preferred Baby Dry.)

So tonight, on the eve of his 10 month birthday, we have moved up to Size 4 Baby Dry's for overnight. 

I didn't think this would happen so soon.  For awhile there after we sleep trained (shortly before 8 months) Noah's diaper was way less full overnight.  Some mornings he would get up and wouldn't even NEED a diaper change right away (although he always got one).  I think it's interesting that his diapers are filled to the brim now that he's 10 months.  It seems counter intuitive to me.  I would have assumed he would be taking in less breastmilk at nighttime, not more.  Sometimes I weigh his diapers just out of curiosity, and these diapers that he's leaked out of have been as heavy as 15 ounces!

I also think it's weird how he never ever leaked overnight, and then suddenly it started happening every single night.  I would have thought it would be a more gradual thing.  Not nothing and then BAM all the time.

Anyway, we're in size 4s overnight now.  They're gloriously huge on him.  Here's hoping it holds everything in and I won't have to buy expensive overnight diapers.


(By the way, I have tried Huggies overnight on several occasions and they have leaked everytime.)

Some Pictures Tell a Story...

Some pictures really tell a story, and this story makes me laugh.  These pictures were taken when Noah was about 9 months 3 weeks old.

"Hey Mom!  You got that camera out again!"

"Whoooaaa... the dangling strap..."

Happy!

How can I get this strap...??

Crawling toward me like he always does when I take pictures:

"Mom!  Pick me up so I can grab the strap!"

"Please??..."

"PICK ME UP!"

TODDLER-SIZED HISSY FIT:

Bahahahahahahaha:

The End.

A Mom Like Me...

When I first entered Motherhood, I found it to be a very bonding experience.  I suddenly felt connected with almost every other mother out there, past and present.  Having a newborn is some crazy business that I just couldn't imagine before I actually had a baby, and once I had one I felt like I was in the loop.  And so was every other mother.

Now Noah is just 8 days away from turning 10 months old, and the more time passes the more I start to feel... isolated.  Sometimes I feel disconnected from other mothers, rather than connected to them.  And no, it's not because I'm a stay-at-home-mom.  It's because I really think that no two mothers are exactly the same, no two babies are exactly the same, and I just want another mother who's exactly like me, with a baby who's exactly like mine, to be friends with.  Someone I can relate to, and who can relate to me 100%, instead of in bits and pieces.

Going through infertility was an isolating experience, because unless you've gone through infertility, you can't imagine the emotional pain that's involved.  But, I found this big community of IFers on the internet, and whether we had suffered for 1, 2, 3, or 4 years of infertility, whether we ended up conceiving naturally, through IUI, IVF, a donor, or having a child through adoption, we all knew what the suffering felt like.  We could all empathize and connect with one another over the shared pain.

I don't necessarily always find the same to be true with motherhood.  And this is quite possibly because I'm really IN it right now.  I might feel differently once I no longer have babies and toddlers.  But for the past while I've noticed that while it may have seemed at the beginning that there were other mothers like me, as time passes, they're just not anymore. 

Somewhere out there there must be someone like me...

A mother who's gone through infertility, and will deal with that pain everytime she wants another child.

A mother who breastfeeds totally exclusively.  Whose kid has never had a bottle or cup, and didn't start solids until past 6 months.  And who wants it that way.

A mother who takes the advice that "breastmilk should be the main source of nutrition for the first year - or more - of life" seriously, and who doesn't feel the need to give her little baby 3 "solid" meals a day just because certain baby books say she should.  A mother who thinks that perhaps babies' little digestive systems haven't necessarily evolved so that they should be handling a whole lot else besides breastmilk at such a young age, considering thousands of years ago they didn't have "pureed baby food" to feed young babies.

A mother who thought cosleeping was a nice idea, but who couldn't pull it off because she just couldn't sleep with the baby in the room.

A mother who was firmly against cry-it-out, and then ended up with an 8 month old who was a terrible sleeper.  She tried everything, and was forced to use CIO.  She realized that while it may not be her first option, it works, and it doesn't make you a terrible parent.

A mother who has a child who ONLY CAT NAPS, because that's just who he is.

A mother who has a child who was impossible to schedule before 9 months old, who gave up trying, and who really doesn't care anymore, but is still diligent in watching the clock and her child for cues of hunger and fatigue.

A mother who has a child who nursed literally every hour or hour and a half until he was about 5 months old, when he moved to a 2 hour "schedule" (I use that term loosely) and is still there at almost 10 months old.  And who doesn't care.

A mother who doesn't feel the need to wean at 1 year of age just because extended breastfeeding isn't exactly the norm in North America, and who has researched and understands the incredible value of breastmilk and nursing past the age of 1.

A mother whose kid has phases of major separation and stranger anxiety that stop her from functioning like a normal stay at home mom and actually doing chores while her husband is at work.

A mother who is willing to tote her kid around on "long" drives because she thinks babies need to be used to the car, but she doesn't do it in excess and will decline an invitation if she knows that on that particular day, her baby will be cranky during the long car ride.

A mother whose kid detests the playpen, and hysterically screams the moment he's put in it.

A mother who has never left her baby for more than an hour and a half, and only on maybe 4 occasions in his 10 months of life.

A mother who hasn't been outside of her home past 7pm for her child's entire life, because bedtime is important.

A mother who chose (and was able) to put her career on hold (or possibly end it forever) and take a step down in her standard of living in order to stay home with her child(ren) because she knew that nothing could fulfill her more than being the one to take care of her babies full time, every single day.  Even though she held an extremely coveted full-time teaching position, which, where she lives, requires 5 years of university, 2 degrees, and an average of SEVEN YEARS of occasional teaching to achieve after graduation, she gave it up, because she knows that at the end of her life, she won't wish that she had worked more.  But she would wish that she spent more time with her kids.


I'm not saying my way is the only way.  But sometimes it sure would be nice if there was someone out there just like me. 

Things I Don't Want to Forget (9.5 Month Edition)

(Noah is 9 1/2 months old)

Things I don't want to forget...

-If Noah is playing and something he's playing with rolls under the couch, he will crawl over to the couch, lie on his stomach, lay his head on the ground, peer under the couch to find his toy, and then reach his arm as far under the couch as he can to try and get his toy.  Seeing him do this seems crazy to me.  It's such a "big boy" thing to do.

-Of all the toys he has (and somehow he's collected alot in the past couple of months) his favourite toys are his mini-sticks and foam hockey puck.  If we set him on the living room floor with all his toys put away in their bins, 90% of the time he will crawl over to the green bin, stand up, dig through it, and pull out his mini-sticks.  He then tries to find his puck (which is harder to find, so we normally get it for him).  He will actually hit the puck around with his mini-stick.  Again, crazy.

-Noah just started doing this really cute thing where he does this enthusiastic, exagerrated crawl toward us while breathing/laughing really loud and excited.  I wish I could describe the sound better than that.

-Noah is just starting to rest his head on our shoulders to cuddle more often.  This is a totally new thing for Justin, because Noah has never really done that to him since he could hold his head up.

-Justin recently cut his hair really short, and if he brushes his hair against Noah's hands, Noah laughs like he's being tickled to death.

-Today Noah was playing with his bat (his second favourite toy) and everytime he slammed it on the ground Justin would say "BOOM!!" in a funny voice and Noah would laugh his head off.  There were two of these "sessions" today, and both times Noah laughed so hard he puked.  He hardly ever throws up anymore, so that was funny.  Funny weird?



-When Noah turned 9 months I put him down to 2 naps a day, and we haven't looked back.  His first nap starts sometime between 10 and 11, and his second nap starts sometime between 2:30 and 3:30.  He has some hour long naps, but the majority of his naps are still 30-40 minutes.  He can put himself to sleep in just a few minutes (he does scream bloody murder for a couple of minutes if I put him in his crib awake, but then he literally just stops abruptly and goes to sleep).  Since putting him down to 2 naps it seems that his wake up time in the morning has gotten later (knock on wood).  There have been many days in the past 3 weeks where he has woken up between 7 and 7:30.  Most days, actually.  Also, his awake times during the day are lengthening more and more, and some days I actually have a hard time fitting 2 naps in and still getting him to bed by 7:15pm.  This sounds weird, since he only naps a maximum of 1.5-2 hours between his two naps.  But he's just such an awake child that he doesn't want to go to sleep before the 3 1/2 hour mark.  We may need to move down to one nap sooner than later.

Peek-a-Boo!

Back in December, just before Noah turned 9 months old, he started playing peek-a-boo himself!  He obviously has liked playing peek-a-boo for awhile, but one evening as we were packing up to leave my parents' house, he lifted his blanket over his head.  When he lowered it I said, "Peek-a-boo!"  He smiled really big, and started doing it over and over again.  He'll do it in the mirror in the car, at home, and he'll even duck below coffee tables or behind furniture and pop out again to hear us say "Peek-a-boo!"  And he has a little sneaky, stinker-face smile on when he does it.

It was very cool to me when he started doing this himself.  He's becoming such a little person.

First Blood Shed

(Noah is 9 months, 2 weeks, 5 days old)

Poor Noah got hurt today, and it was the very first time he's ever shed blood besides the times that medical care providers have violated his skin with needles.

He was standing at my chair wanting me to pick him up.  He kept bobbing his legs because he really really wanted me to pick him up.  I was taking my time, watching playback of a Flip video of him Justin took on New Year's Eve that I hadn't seen yet.  Eventually he bobbed too much and went straight down and banged his mouth on the kitchen chair.  It gave him a slightly fat lip and something in his mouth area was bleeding.  We couldn't really tell what it was.

It didn't bleed too much, and after snuggles from Mommy he felt better.  Needless to say, I felt terrible.  Why oh why didn't I pick him up sooner?  It was all my fault!  Woe is me!  And woe is my fat-lipped son!

Christmas Break Spoiled Me

I've always been aware that my husband was gone more than I would like.  It's actually a constant underlying bone of contention in our marriage.  He's a teacher, but he also coaches 3 out of 3 seasons a year.  Coaching is not part of his job description.  He teaches SO THAT he can coach.  He sees it as part of his job - a requirement, but a requirement he enjoys.  I see it as him choosing to be away from us for absolutely no extra pay.  I can't help it, that's just how it feels to me.  Coaching is about 15 extra hours each week that he spends away from us on top of having a full time job.  In a week where he has a tournament, that time is tripled.

During Christmas break Justin did go to coach practices on 4 days for about 2 hours each day.  But he was home pretty much the entire rest of those 2 weeks.

It was glorious.

Noah loved having his dad around all the time.  He loved having TWO parents he could play with.  He had variety.  It was awesome.

Furthermore, both Justin and I got little breaks.  I could actually shower while Noah was awake, because Justin was there.  I think my house was clean the entire 2 weeks because there was time to clean it.  Justin could work out without guilt because he was home all the time so he wasn't sacrificing his limited time with Noah and me.

We're on Day 3 of Justin being back to work, and I am disliking it even more than before.  I've realized how wonderful it is to have him home, and how less-than-wonderful it is for him to be gone. 

It's very hard to get anything done when your 9 1/2 month old barely naps and likes to be with you at all times and get into everything.  It's hard to even be showered by 11am, because he's often not going down for a nap until then.  I can't keep my house as clean as it was over Christmas break.  And I can't keep my child as entertained as he was over Christmas break.  Or, at least, that last part is far more challenging than when Justin was home.

Bedtime routine was so much easier with Justin home.  Getting myself changed and ready, setting up the bathroom, feeding Noah dinner, bathing Noah, and then getting him diapered and dressed afterwards was sooo much easier with my husband around.

Plus, I just miss him.  Last night we ended up having dinner together at about 8:45pm, so we got an hour of time together.  But other than that it's just been in and out, a quick kiss, a very short playtime with Noah, and that's it. 

I miss having him around.  Christmas break spoiled me.


On a positive note... Noah has been adorable today.  For whatever reason he has just been hugging and kissing me like CRAZY.  It seemed like every 2 minutes he was coming at me with an excited open mouthed grin, and hugging and kissing me with his open, slobbery mouth. 

I love my kid:)

New Year's Non-Celebration

On New Year's Eve I was discussing with Justin how I hardly remember any of my New Year's Eves.  And no, this is not because I was drinking and have alcohol-induced-amnesia.  I just don't remember them.  Well, I'll probably remember this year, but just in case, I thought I should write about it to remind myself.

Every NYE since my husband and I have been together we have just had a nice cozy night at home.  We eat the oriental party pack from M&M's and watch TV.  This year I wasn't even planning on staying up until midnight (and I didn't, for the record).  So that was the plan again this year.  Cozy NYE, just the 2 of us (Noah would be sleeping). 

During the day, the three of us ran errands between Noah's two naps.  When we got home we put Noah down for a nap and Justin's parents came over (not my idea).  They got here at about 3:30.  It was supposed to be a short visit.

At about 5pm my father in law, Sal, suddenly really wasn't feeling well.  Within 10-15 minutes he was violently puking in our downstairs bathroom.  Over and over.  For at least an hour.  Then he passed out on a couch.

Justin and I were stuck with my mother-in-law (who isn't my most favourite company, although the visit was fine) until after 9pm.  We couldn't even watch TV because Sal was sacked out in front of our TV instead of in one of our guest bedrooms, and we weren't about to all cuddle up in our bedroom to watch the TV in there.  We just had to sit in our living room and talk.  So much for our nice cozy evening.

Then I had that crappy sleep that I previously mentioned.  When we woke up at 8, we tried SO HARD to go to church.  There was a New Year's service at 11 instead of 10. But Noah had slept in until 8, so we were originally planning on driving to town early, and I would put him down for a nap at my parent's house.  Justin would go to church with my parents and then I would go to church when Noah woke up.  I knew I'd be a little late, but we've been getting a really hard time about not going to church, so I thought we'd do the stupid gymnastics to try and get there.

Well, Noah got tired earlier, so I tried and tried and got him to sleep at 10:15 instead of sometime around 11 (usually he can't fall asleep after that little awake time). I was planning that even if he slept until 10:45 we would still rush and be out of the door by 10:50 and get to church 10 minutes late.  Everything was ready and waiting at the door.

He slept until 10:55.  So we wouldn't get out the door until 11, and wouldn't get to church until 11:20 or 11:25.  It's ridiculous to go to church that late.  So we didn't go.  Again.

I wanted to find something to do since we were all dressed and ready and it was New Year's Day, after all.  I wanted to socialize.

What did I end up doing?  Vacuuming my house with my brand new Dyson (I filled the entire canister... I can't believe how much my old vacuum was leaving behind), doing laundry, changing bedsheets, and cleaning out and organizing my closet.  I filled a huge bin with clothes I never wear but don't want to get rid of.  And I hung up all the clothes that I always wear, but had no hangers.

Exciting, eh?

By the way, it's now 6:15am and Noah is still sleeping.  That's 11 hours and 15 minutes so far.  He hasn't gone this long in awhile.  I could have slept at least 8 hours tonight.  I hate my stupid brain.

My Bad Sleeping

Noah's sleep is great, but I need to vent about my own sleep.

Because Justin's been off for 2 weeks on Christmas vacation, I've been going to bed later than normal.  Past 10 pretty much every night.  I don't like this, and have tried to go to bed earlier, but my body won't fall asleep earlier anymore.

Last night Noah woke up to nurse at 4:40.  I'm not complaining.  He went to bed at 7, that's almost 10 hours of consecutive sleep (and normal for him now).  However, I AM complaining about the fact that after putting him back down, I laid awake until 6:30am.  Luckily he let me sleep in until 8am (bizarro for him to sleep that late).

Tonight I woke up at 4:15 to go to the bathroom.  It's now 5:45 and I've just been lying awake ever since and Noah hasn't even gotten up to nurse yet, even though he went to bed at 7.

I could blame this on a few things. 

1) I am sick AGAIN.  I fared pretty well when I was pregnant and hardly got sick at all.  But since giving birth I have caught everything under the sun.  Ever virus I come into contact with, I catch.  It's such a pain in the ass.  My nose is raw from blowing it every 2 minutes.  And a huge factor in my not falling asleep is the fact that I can't breathe through my nose, but my throat is dry and sore, so breathing through my mouth keeps me awake.  I'm not even sure how I slept the 6 hours I have slept so far tonight.  Luckily Noah only got mildly sick, and seemed to be completely over it after a day.  Maybe I should start drinking my own breastmilk.

2) My right boob (the only side I nurse from at night) is uncomfortably full, so it's hard to find a position to sleep in.  Just sitting here is uncomfortable.

3) When I got up to go to the bathroom at 4:15 my husband was in the bathroom and he scared the bejeezus out of me.  An adrenaline rush in the middle of the night isn't conducive to falling back asleep.

So there you go.  Three good reasons for me being awake in the middle of the night.  But I am such a crappy sleeper that these reasons could not even exist and I would just be lying here awake anyway, despite the fact that I'm so exhausted I'm yawning.  Like last night.  I could breathe better last night, but I still lied awake for nearly 2 hours.  Justin and I have been sleeping in separate beds for at least a month to avoid me having extra reasons to wake up (and then stay awake).  I wake up from every little sniffle or movement or loud breathing.  So I can't even share a king sized bed with my husband.


I want to smack my head against a wall.  Seriously.

A Sad Goodbye to 2010

(This was written on December 31, 2010)

Today is the last day of the best year of my life.

I'm generally happy to start a new year and put the previous year behind me.  But 2010 was the happiest year of my life.  During the entire year of 2010 I was either pregnant or had a baby.  I can't even think of anything bad that happened in 2010.  Well, there was the pelvic injury and subsequent bedridden-ness.  But I was pregnant.  I was happy.

Then came the birth of my son on March 18, 2010.  Words can't even describe how amazing he has made the past 9 1/2 months.  He's gone from a helpless newborn to an excited, mobile, babbling baby.  Everyday he becomes more and more of a little person.  The other day I went to the drop in centre to get Noah weighed, and one of the women who work there said, "He doesn't look like a little baby anymore..." and it's so true.  He still looks like a baby, but when I peak back at his pictures from even 6 months old, I can't believe how much more mature he looks.  I am so thankful I get to stay at home to watch and enjoy every moment.

I am a little sad to say goodbye to 2010.  This past year has gone by way too quickly, and so many amazing things happened that I can never relive.  2010 has been, without a doubt, the most amazing and wonderful year of my life.

That being said, I'm excited for what 2011 will bring.  While I'm sad to see Noah's infancy go, I'm excited to experience each stage of his life, and 2011 will bring so many exciting firsts and stages.

So here's to the best year of my life... and here's to what is sure to be another incredible year!