I got a call from my OB today telling me that they just got my bloodwork back and it shows that my hemoglobin is very low and I need to get on iron supplements immediately.
I gave birth 13 days ago, and they JUST got my bloodwork - bloodwork that was done while I was in the hospital - that shows that I need to be on iron supplements. I can't believe it took that long! I didn't ask for my level, but it's obviously pretty low, because my hemoglobin was already low during my pregnancy and my OB didn't want me to go on iron supplements then because of my bowel issues. I guess it's way lower now, because he's changed his tune.
So I am anemic, and I'm only getting 3-4 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. I guess this explains my weakness, my massive marathon headaches, my completely lack of energy, my sleep sweats, my shortness of breath, and maybe even my hallucinations.
This morning we tried putting Noah in his nursery from 4:30-6:00am because I had only gotten 2 hours of sleep. He is such a loud grunter (even my mom, who had 4 kids, says he's a very loud grunter), and does it all through the night while he's sleeping. And I'm a bad sleeper, so any grunting keeps me awake. By 6 he was starving so Justin got up and brought him to me (he had to get up for the day anyway) and after I nursed him I put him back to sleep in his bassinet next to me. For the next two hours I was paralyzed. I literally could not move except to occasionally lift up my head to see if all of Noah's noises were from him being awake and needing to eat, or if he was just sleeping. Half the time I couldn't even do that. I wasn't even really sleeping, except the occasional dozing. I was just unable to move.
As I lay there I was kind of freaked out. Here I was, home alone, and I felt totally incapable of caring for my child. I'm sure that if he had started crying, something in me would have broken free of my paralyzed state and I would have been able to get out of bed to pick him up. But it was really freaking me out that I was the only person around to take care of him at that time, and I could barely even lift my head to look at him. I was just thankful that my mom was coming in a couple of hours, because I honestly thought I might not be able to get out of bed before she arrived.
Hopefully being on the iron supplements will give me a bit more energy. I'm exhausted enough as it is, I don't really need anything else adding to it.
Weight Loss Update: In 12 days I lost 33 lbs. I am now 17 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Happy Due Date, Noah!
Today is the official due date of my little Bambino. I'm so glad that he's already been here for 11 days. I actually can't even imagine what kind of physical state I would be in right now if he was still inside of me. My body feels so much better than it has for months and months.
In some ways it feels like he's been here for forever, and in some ways it feels like he just got here. It's really amazing how drastically your life changes when you bring a baby into it. Your entire focus as a couple changes completely. You're suddenly consumed by this tiny little being that you created together, and all of your conversations revolve around him (that's going to have to change:). The days fly by because you can't do anything the way you used to do it. Suddenly showering and pouring a bowl of cereal is a huge feat (and not because you're physical incapable of doing so, but because there's a little creature constantly attached to your boob:).
The nights are long, though. It's lonely to sit in bed in the dark nursing your baby every 2 hours with your husband dead asleep beside you. It's weird to wake up hallucinating because you're so sleep deprived that you don't know what reality is. And it's frustrating to not be able to sleep because your baby is being really noisy in his bassinet 1 foot away from your ear. I wear earplugs to drown out the really soft little noises, but I can still hear almost everything!
I don't really like nighttime. But I do love when I get my baby out of his bed to eat and his little mouth is already smacking away, trying to nurse on the air. It's hilarious trying to get him to open his mouth wide to get a proper latch, but he's so sleepy and so hungry that he can't control himself. I love kissing his little face when I pick him up and having him try to suck on my cheek or my nose. I love how he looks like a little bean pod in his green swaddler, and how when I unwrap him from it his arms and legs stay straight for awhile.
It's hard to explain how being Noah's mom is everything I imagined, but nothing like what I thought. It's overwhelming, and it's absolutely wonderful.
Talking about it makes me want to go kiss him all over. So I'm going to go join Daddy and Noah... who I've just been informed is smacking his tongue trying to nurse on the air again:)
In some ways it feels like he's been here for forever, and in some ways it feels like he just got here. It's really amazing how drastically your life changes when you bring a baby into it. Your entire focus as a couple changes completely. You're suddenly consumed by this tiny little being that you created together, and all of your conversations revolve around him (that's going to have to change:). The days fly by because you can't do anything the way you used to do it. Suddenly showering and pouring a bowl of cereal is a huge feat (and not because you're physical incapable of doing so, but because there's a little creature constantly attached to your boob:).
The nights are long, though. It's lonely to sit in bed in the dark nursing your baby every 2 hours with your husband dead asleep beside you. It's weird to wake up hallucinating because you're so sleep deprived that you don't know what reality is. And it's frustrating to not be able to sleep because your baby is being really noisy in his bassinet 1 foot away from your ear. I wear earplugs to drown out the really soft little noises, but I can still hear almost everything!
I don't really like nighttime. But I do love when I get my baby out of his bed to eat and his little mouth is already smacking away, trying to nurse on the air. It's hilarious trying to get him to open his mouth wide to get a proper latch, but he's so sleepy and so hungry that he can't control himself. I love kissing his little face when I pick him up and having him try to suck on my cheek or my nose. I love how he looks like a little bean pod in his green swaddler, and how when I unwrap him from it his arms and legs stay straight for awhile.
It's hard to explain how being Noah's mom is everything I imagined, but nothing like what I thought. It's overwhelming, and it's absolutely wonderful.
Talking about it makes me want to go kiss him all over. So I'm going to go join Daddy and Noah... who I've just been informed is smacking his tongue trying to nurse on the air again:)
"Weigh" Surprised
As most of you know, I only gained 16 lbs with my pregnancy. This really surprised me, because I thought I'd gain about 40. I also thought it would take months for my body to go back to normal. You know what they say: 9 months up, 9 months down.
Well, apparently it's 9 months up, 9 DAYS down. At least for me.
9 days after giving birth I had lost 30lbs. Yeah. I gained 16, but lost 30. In 9 days. Without trying.
I'm now 11 days past giving birth and I haven't weighed myself again, so I don't actually know if I've lost anymore weight. But I am so surprised.
I'm even more surprised by the fact that my stomach is completely flat. It's not like I have firm muscles, but it's flat. And when I suck in, my stomach goes way in under my ribs. I'm just waiting for my stomach muscles to go back together before I start working on my core again, so my stomach can be firm.
The other day Justin said to me "You just look like this really skinny girl with big boobs." I felt so good about myself. I had been warning him for months that after I give birth I wasn't going to let him see me naked for a long time. And for the first few days I didn't. But then I spent a day or two with the belly bandit on, and my loose stomach disappeared. After the first two days the medium bandit was way too big and I had to move over to the small one. Unfortunately they cost $70, and the medium was a bit of a waste of money. But hey, I was worried that it might be too SMALL at first! Who knew it would be too big almost right away? I highly recommend buying one!
I feel like the universe is trying to correct itself for giving me an incredibly painful pregnancy where nothing went as planned. I only had to push for 15 minutes (and not very hard), I got the cutest baby I've ever seen, and I lost double the amount of weight that I gained (so my clothes are too big) in only 9 days.
Thank you, Universe.
Well, apparently it's 9 months up, 9 DAYS down. At least for me.
9 days after giving birth I had lost 30lbs. Yeah. I gained 16, but lost 30. In 9 days. Without trying.
I'm now 11 days past giving birth and I haven't weighed myself again, so I don't actually know if I've lost anymore weight. But I am so surprised.
I'm even more surprised by the fact that my stomach is completely flat. It's not like I have firm muscles, but it's flat. And when I suck in, my stomach goes way in under my ribs. I'm just waiting for my stomach muscles to go back together before I start working on my core again, so my stomach can be firm.
The other day Justin said to me "You just look like this really skinny girl with big boobs." I felt so good about myself. I had been warning him for months that after I give birth I wasn't going to let him see me naked for a long time. And for the first few days I didn't. But then I spent a day or two with the belly bandit on, and my loose stomach disappeared. After the first two days the medium bandit was way too big and I had to move over to the small one. Unfortunately they cost $70, and the medium was a bit of a waste of money. But hey, I was worried that it might be too SMALL at first! Who knew it would be too big almost right away? I highly recommend buying one!
I feel like the universe is trying to correct itself for giving me an incredibly painful pregnancy where nothing went as planned. I only had to push for 15 minutes (and not very hard), I got the cutest baby I've ever seen, and I lost double the amount of weight that I gained (so my clothes are too big) in only 9 days.
Thank you, Universe.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Exhaustion and Disorientation
I am so incredibly exhausted that when I wake up in the night I am completely disoriented.
Last night I was sitting in bed staring at Noah in his bassinet and wondering where I was going to put the other Noah, since that Noah was already in the bassinet. I thought maybe I could move him over and then put the other Noah in there beside him. When I looked down at my lap to pick up the other Noah, he wasn't there, and it freaked me out. I thought I was nursing him.
I looked around the room and thought I saw him all bundled up on top of the diaper bag. I thought that was a really weird place for Justin to put him. So I went over there to pick him up, and it turned out to be my sling folded up. I went back over to the bed and sat there staring at Noah, wondering how I was going to nurse him when he was in the bassinet, and still wondering what I was going to do with the other babies.
It made no sense, and it was like this for several long minutes.
Also, when Noah woke up to nurse for the first time last night (about an hour to an hour and a half after I went to sleep) Justin happened to have just come into the room. I was almost crying talking to him about how tired I was and how I just want to sleep and not keep nursing every couple of hours. Like a good husband, he rubbed my feet and calves while I was nursing and I just leaned back and closed my eyes. But I really just wanted to cry.
And now, everytime I talk/write about how exhausted I am, I start crying. I almost started crying when Justin's parents were here today... for the second visit in 2 days, which was a bit too much for over-tired emotional me.
It doesn't help that my boobs really hurt at nighttime, and they prevent some sleep from taking place. I think I'm getting a few clogged milk ducts in my right boob. And I've had a massive headache all night.
I love being a mommy, but I really just need some sleep. It overwhelms me that I have no idea when relief will come.
It's a good thing my kid is like, model-baby cute. :)
Last night I was sitting in bed staring at Noah in his bassinet and wondering where I was going to put the other Noah, since that Noah was already in the bassinet. I thought maybe I could move him over and then put the other Noah in there beside him. When I looked down at my lap to pick up the other Noah, he wasn't there, and it freaked me out. I thought I was nursing him.
I looked around the room and thought I saw him all bundled up on top of the diaper bag. I thought that was a really weird place for Justin to put him. So I went over there to pick him up, and it turned out to be my sling folded up. I went back over to the bed and sat there staring at Noah, wondering how I was going to nurse him when he was in the bassinet, and still wondering what I was going to do with the other babies.
It made no sense, and it was like this for several long minutes.
Also, when Noah woke up to nurse for the first time last night (about an hour to an hour and a half after I went to sleep) Justin happened to have just come into the room. I was almost crying talking to him about how tired I was and how I just want to sleep and not keep nursing every couple of hours. Like a good husband, he rubbed my feet and calves while I was nursing and I just leaned back and closed my eyes. But I really just wanted to cry.
And now, everytime I talk/write about how exhausted I am, I start crying. I almost started crying when Justin's parents were here today... for the second visit in 2 days, which was a bit too much for over-tired emotional me.
It doesn't help that my boobs really hurt at nighttime, and they prevent some sleep from taking place. I think I'm getting a few clogged milk ducts in my right boob. And I've had a massive headache all night.
I love being a mommy, but I really just need some sleep. It overwhelms me that I have no idea when relief will come.
It's a good thing my kid is like, model-baby cute. :)
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Quick Thoughts From Day 6
Noah is 6 days old (sadness... I miss when he was 12 hours old!) and I wanted to post some quick updates and thoughts:
-My full milk supply came in within 48 hours after birth, and I spent Days 2-3 soooo engorged I finally broke down and pumped. The night beforehand the pain was soooo horrible. My breasts were literally like two 10 lbs bowling balls pulling on my skin. It hurt to move my arms, and it felt like I had rocks in my armpits. Meanwhile, Noah wouldn't eat as often because he was too full from the actual milk, so he wasn't hungry.
-Noah has the cutest "suspicious" expression where he wrinkles his brow and looks at us like "You've got to be kidding me." This expression was particularly hilarious when my milk came in and my boobs got HUGE, because he looked from my boob to my face, to my boob, to my face, as if to say "Um, that is not what I've been eating from for the past 2 days! You want me to get that in my mouth???"
-Noah loves to be swaddled, and we use our swaddlers constantly. He is so cute when he comes out of them when he's sleepy, because his arms and legs stay straight as boards:)
-Our first diaper change at home we were tag teaming it. As soon as I took the penis-protection off to get the new diaper on, a huge stream of pee shot up in the air, all over the change table, my hands, his adorable going home outfit... even the wall and the blinds! What a powerful little guy!
-8-10 diapers a day? Try 15-20! We went through 70 diapers in 4 days. 75% of the time he poops and/or pees in the middle of a change, often right onto a fresh diaper. Or onto the top of the old diaper (not so easy to clean).
-Noah poops at least 10 times a day. I don't think we have any risk of jaundice!
-I love his little squeaks and moans.
-I love how his sweet milk breath smells exactly like apples:)
-I love how when I burp him on my shoulder, he leans his head back with a round, open mouth, and he stares into my face. He often falls asleep like that, and it's so sweet.
-I love how I lost 25 lbs in 5 days. It's interesting, since I only gained 16 lbs with my pregnancy. My belly is almost completely flat too, and my stomach muscles are started to work again. When I suck in, my belly actually sucks in too! I highly recommend the belly bandit. Justin was saying to me how I just look like this skinny girl with really huge boobs. Not how I thought I'd look 6 days after delivery!
-My full milk supply came in within 48 hours after birth, and I spent Days 2-3 soooo engorged I finally broke down and pumped. The night beforehand the pain was soooo horrible. My breasts were literally like two 10 lbs bowling balls pulling on my skin. It hurt to move my arms, and it felt like I had rocks in my armpits. Meanwhile, Noah wouldn't eat as often because he was too full from the actual milk, so he wasn't hungry.
-Noah has the cutest "suspicious" expression where he wrinkles his brow and looks at us like "You've got to be kidding me." This expression was particularly hilarious when my milk came in and my boobs got HUGE, because he looked from my boob to my face, to my boob, to my face, as if to say "Um, that is not what I've been eating from for the past 2 days! You want me to get that in my mouth???"
-Noah loves to be swaddled, and we use our swaddlers constantly. He is so cute when he comes out of them when he's sleepy, because his arms and legs stay straight as boards:)
-Our first diaper change at home we were tag teaming it. As soon as I took the penis-protection off to get the new diaper on, a huge stream of pee shot up in the air, all over the change table, my hands, his adorable going home outfit... even the wall and the blinds! What a powerful little guy!
-8-10 diapers a day? Try 15-20! We went through 70 diapers in 4 days. 75% of the time he poops and/or pees in the middle of a change, often right onto a fresh diaper. Or onto the top of the old diaper (not so easy to clean).
-Noah poops at least 10 times a day. I don't think we have any risk of jaundice!
-I love his little squeaks and moans.
-I love how his sweet milk breath smells exactly like apples:)
-I love how when I burp him on my shoulder, he leans his head back with a round, open mouth, and he stares into my face. He often falls asleep like that, and it's so sweet.
-I love how I lost 25 lbs in 5 days. It's interesting, since I only gained 16 lbs with my pregnancy. My belly is almost completely flat too, and my stomach muscles are started to work again. When I suck in, my belly actually sucks in too! I highly recommend the belly bandit. Justin was saying to me how I just look like this skinny girl with really huge boobs. Not how I thought I'd look 6 days after delivery!
Birth Story
Not to be confused with birth plan, which was completely disregarded :)
Thursday morning at 6:30 we went in and got hooked up to the monitors for awhile. We were very excited - and I was very nervous! At about 7:15 they started my IV antibiotics and the pitocin. Some people take a long time of turning the dose up before their contractons start. Morning isn't usually my "contraction-y" time... if it had been evening they probably only would have done the starting dose. They only had to turn the dose up once before my body took over with regular contractions.
My OB came at 8:30 to break my water. He was teasing me about my birth plan (yeah right, that was so far gone at that point ) and he said "I have to do this now because the next time I see you you won't be in the mood" (He was right). He said I was only about 1 cm dilated and about 50% effaced (Noah kept floating into and out of the birth canal before this so my effacement was always changing).
The water breaking was quite the experience. Soooo much gushing, both at the time and for at least 2 hours afterward. The nurse would try to get me in underwear with a pad and I would soak right through it. She gave up and I just sat on tons of towels and waterproof pads that we kept changing for quite some time before we could get the underwear on.
After my OB broke my water the contractions almost immediately got stronger and I really had to concentrate to relax. By 10:30 I was in agony. I could not relax during contractions anymore, no matter what I did (and believe me, the nurse was impressed with my level of relaxation with the kind of contractions I had been having). I couldn't even relax between contractions anymore. I was shaking like crazy and really feeling like I couldn't do it.
I had been warned that if things get like that you should really consider medication because if you're in that much pain and that tense that you can't even relax between contractions, then you're going to have a very long labour because your cervix will take forever to dilate due to the tension.
I had Justin call the nurse, who checked me to see how much progress I had made. I was only 2 cm dilated and 75% effaced. In 2 hours of decently strong contractions I had only progessed 1 cm and 25% effacement. I was horrified. Plus, because I was only 2cm dilated she didn't want to give me the fentynol (IV pain pump). They usually wait until 3-4cm.
So I had to take the gas. It didn't work at all. I still couldn't relax, but now I felt high. And if there wasn't going to be any benefit, I didn't want it. So I stopped using it. I don't know how much time passed, because I was in too much pain to be aware, but I asked for something else, so she checked me again. I was only 2.5cm. I think by then it was around 11:30. I can't remember, because that's second hand information. I was unaware.
Even though I wasn't at 3, the nurse gave me the pain pump because I wasn't progressing because of my complete inability to relax.
It was amazing. I was suddenly able to relax between contractions, and the drugs slowed things down a bit so I had some longer breaks, and the contractions were a bit less intense for a little while. This went for about an hour I think, and then they really picked back up again. By 1:15 I was writhing in pain and unable to stop moaning. The contractions were RIGHT on top of each other with no break. I thought I had to be close.
The nurse checked me again (at 1:15), and I was only 5 cm dilated, but the baby was waaaay down low. I don't know what station, but he was way past the 0 station.
I could not believe I was only 5cm dilated with the contractions the way I'd been having them. I think I remember the nurse saying "It'll go fast from here" but my mind was so far gone from the worst pain I'd ever experienced.
They helped me onto my side, and I moaned "I'm so hot, I'm so hot." Justin got ice packs from his food cooler and was rubbing them over my arms and legs.
Right after I got on my side again the contractions changed. They were still beyond horrible, but now I was uncontrollably pushing with them. I told the nurse that I was pushing and that I couldn't help it. She was like "Yes, it's the pressure from the baby, it makes your bottom feel like you have to push." But for me it wasn't my bottom, it was literally my vagina. It didn't feel like the same push. But like I said, it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to not push. I was terrified, because I had just been checked and was only 5 cm, so I was so afraid that I was going to push Noah through a cervix that wasn't fully dilated and the entire thing would just rip open. I'd heard of the "urge to push," but I'd only heard one person talk about how she couldn't not push no matter how hard she tried. That was what it was like for me. I couldn't not push. It was beyond my control.
I had no idea how long I laid there on my side with constant (seriously, constant) contractions where I was pushing, but suddenly I felt this stretching pain and I was like "It hurts! I think I'm crowning!" The nurse said "Lauren, you need to roll over, I need to check you." But I couldn't. She and Justin rolled me over and the baby's head was right there. She had me bring my hand down to touch it.
Unbeknownst to me, it was only 1:39. I went from 5cm dilated at 1:15 to the baby's head right there at 1:39.
Things were flying around then. Another nurse came in and I remember her saying "I hope my patient goes this fast!" My OB wasn't there, obviously, because they hadn't had a chance to call him until my baby's head was almost out!
My head was all over the place and it was overwhelmingly scary. I couldn't concentrate on anything anyone was saying because of the insane amount of pain and pressure. And I felt like I had no idea what in the world I was doing. I remember a nurse saying "With each contraction you're going to give 3 good pushes." But I couldn't tell when I was contracting and when I wasn't. My contractions were way too close together, and the pressure was just too huge. So I just felt like I was sometimes pushing actively, sometimes pushing passively, not really sure if I was doing things at the right times or not. The nurses would slide their fingers around my vagina to try and stretch it and I was like "STOP IT!" It was just one more pain I didn't need. Of course, they didn't listen. lol. Who would?
My OB came in and I remember the nurses teasing him about something, to which he replied "Well I don't have time to change! Someone tie me up!" (Justin told me later that they were making fun of him because his dress pants were rolled up around his calves... I wish I could have seen that!)
He then said to me "So was this on page 4 of your birth plan, Lauren? Oh, right, no jokes." (I remembered the "no jokes" part, but Justin had to fill me in on the first part of what he said). I couldn't even look at him, much less respond. I probably looked insane.
So I'm pushing uncontrollably, and then my OB said "Lauren, I know this wasn't what you wanted but you're really stretching badly and if I cut you we can control what happens down there." At this point I'm wishing someone would just stick their hands inside of me and yank the baby out, so all I could do was moan "I DON'T CARE!"
And that is how I ended up with an episiotomy. Justin said they had been freezing me down there in anticipation of having to do one because I was stretching so much. He said that it semeed like the OB did try and wait, but that things really weren't going to stretch anymore.
The next thing I remember is my OB saying "Lauren, you're not having a contraction right now" (I honestly couldn't tell) "but if you just push gently his head will come out no problem." So I gave a push (I don't know how hard I pushed... I don't think it was very hard) and I felt his head slip out of me.
I have no idea how those shoulders came out because I don't remember pushing for them, but then it was the most glorious feeling of emptiness and liquid, and suddenly the pain and pressure were completely gone.
At 1:54 pm, my beautiful son, Noah Samuel James, was being held upside down in the air and crying. I was trying to grab him and kept telling them to give him to me. There were shenanigans with the cord (we wanted to wait until it stopped pulsating, but it had already gotten clamped, and then the clamp wasn't quite right...) that made it feel like a lot longer before I got to hold my baby. It was probably actually only 20 seconds!
As soon as they gave him to me I cuddled him into my neck and started rubbing him and talking to him and he stopped crying right away. It was the most amazing feeling to be holding my son. I can't even describe the joy I felt. I couldn't stop rubbing his tiny, waxy body and telling him how much I love him and kissing his head over and over.
I started nursing him right away and he latched on no problem and nursed for 2 wonderful hours. I finally had to pee so badly I couldn't wait anymore. We bundled him and gave him to his daddy for the first time (poor Justin waited 2 hours to hold his son!) and I got in the shower. I felt so weak in there with my hanging loose tummy. The nurse dried me off and got me dressed and back into bed, where I nursed for a little longer before getting in the wheelchair with Noah and being brought down to the maternity floor.
Just to recap, at 1:15 I was 5cm dilated. Right after that I started pushing uncontrollably while laying on my side, thinking I was still just dilating. At 1:39 I was checked and I was 10cm and the baby was almost out. At 1:54 he came out completely.
All in all I think I had a pretty good experience. It was excruciating during most of the 3 hours I was in really hard labour, but it went really fast at the end. And now our tiny little Bambino lives with us and we can cuddle him anytime we want:)
Thursday morning at 6:30 we went in and got hooked up to the monitors for awhile. We were very excited - and I was very nervous! At about 7:15 they started my IV antibiotics and the pitocin. Some people take a long time of turning the dose up before their contractons start. Morning isn't usually my "contraction-y" time... if it had been evening they probably only would have done the starting dose. They only had to turn the dose up once before my body took over with regular contractions.
My OB came at 8:30 to break my water. He was teasing me about my birth plan (yeah right, that was so far gone at that point ) and he said "I have to do this now because the next time I see you you won't be in the mood" (He was right). He said I was only about 1 cm dilated and about 50% effaced (Noah kept floating into and out of the birth canal before this so my effacement was always changing).
The water breaking was quite the experience. Soooo much gushing, both at the time and for at least 2 hours afterward. The nurse would try to get me in underwear with a pad and I would soak right through it. She gave up and I just sat on tons of towels and waterproof pads that we kept changing for quite some time before we could get the underwear on.
After my OB broke my water the contractions almost immediately got stronger and I really had to concentrate to relax. By 10:30 I was in agony. I could not relax during contractions anymore, no matter what I did (and believe me, the nurse was impressed with my level of relaxation with the kind of contractions I had been having). I couldn't even relax between contractions anymore. I was shaking like crazy and really feeling like I couldn't do it.
I had been warned that if things get like that you should really consider medication because if you're in that much pain and that tense that you can't even relax between contractions, then you're going to have a very long labour because your cervix will take forever to dilate due to the tension.
I had Justin call the nurse, who checked me to see how much progress I had made. I was only 2 cm dilated and 75% effaced. In 2 hours of decently strong contractions I had only progessed 1 cm and 25% effacement. I was horrified. Plus, because I was only 2cm dilated she didn't want to give me the fentynol (IV pain pump). They usually wait until 3-4cm.
So I had to take the gas. It didn't work at all. I still couldn't relax, but now I felt high. And if there wasn't going to be any benefit, I didn't want it. So I stopped using it. I don't know how much time passed, because I was in too much pain to be aware, but I asked for something else, so she checked me again. I was only 2.5cm. I think by then it was around 11:30. I can't remember, because that's second hand information. I was unaware.
Even though I wasn't at 3, the nurse gave me the pain pump because I wasn't progressing because of my complete inability to relax.
It was amazing. I was suddenly able to relax between contractions, and the drugs slowed things down a bit so I had some longer breaks, and the contractions were a bit less intense for a little while. This went for about an hour I think, and then they really picked back up again. By 1:15 I was writhing in pain and unable to stop moaning. The contractions were RIGHT on top of each other with no break. I thought I had to be close.
The nurse checked me again (at 1:15), and I was only 5 cm dilated, but the baby was waaaay down low. I don't know what station, but he was way past the 0 station.
I could not believe I was only 5cm dilated with the contractions the way I'd been having them. I think I remember the nurse saying "It'll go fast from here" but my mind was so far gone from the worst pain I'd ever experienced.
They helped me onto my side, and I moaned "I'm so hot, I'm so hot." Justin got ice packs from his food cooler and was rubbing them over my arms and legs.
Right after I got on my side again the contractions changed. They were still beyond horrible, but now I was uncontrollably pushing with them. I told the nurse that I was pushing and that I couldn't help it. She was like "Yes, it's the pressure from the baby, it makes your bottom feel like you have to push." But for me it wasn't my bottom, it was literally my vagina. It didn't feel like the same push. But like I said, it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to not push. I was terrified, because I had just been checked and was only 5 cm, so I was so afraid that I was going to push Noah through a cervix that wasn't fully dilated and the entire thing would just rip open. I'd heard of the "urge to push," but I'd only heard one person talk about how she couldn't not push no matter how hard she tried. That was what it was like for me. I couldn't not push. It was beyond my control.
I had no idea how long I laid there on my side with constant (seriously, constant) contractions where I was pushing, but suddenly I felt this stretching pain and I was like "It hurts! I think I'm crowning!" The nurse said "Lauren, you need to roll over, I need to check you." But I couldn't. She and Justin rolled me over and the baby's head was right there. She had me bring my hand down to touch it.
Unbeknownst to me, it was only 1:39. I went from 5cm dilated at 1:15 to the baby's head right there at 1:39.
Things were flying around then. Another nurse came in and I remember her saying "I hope my patient goes this fast!" My OB wasn't there, obviously, because they hadn't had a chance to call him until my baby's head was almost out!
My head was all over the place and it was overwhelmingly scary. I couldn't concentrate on anything anyone was saying because of the insane amount of pain and pressure. And I felt like I had no idea what in the world I was doing. I remember a nurse saying "With each contraction you're going to give 3 good pushes." But I couldn't tell when I was contracting and when I wasn't. My contractions were way too close together, and the pressure was just too huge. So I just felt like I was sometimes pushing actively, sometimes pushing passively, not really sure if I was doing things at the right times or not. The nurses would slide their fingers around my vagina to try and stretch it and I was like "STOP IT!" It was just one more pain I didn't need. Of course, they didn't listen. lol. Who would?
My OB came in and I remember the nurses teasing him about something, to which he replied "Well I don't have time to change! Someone tie me up!" (Justin told me later that they were making fun of him because his dress pants were rolled up around his calves... I wish I could have seen that!)
He then said to me "So was this on page 4 of your birth plan, Lauren? Oh, right, no jokes." (I remembered the "no jokes" part, but Justin had to fill me in on the first part of what he said). I couldn't even look at him, much less respond. I probably looked insane.
So I'm pushing uncontrollably, and then my OB said "Lauren, I know this wasn't what you wanted but you're really stretching badly and if I cut you we can control what happens down there." At this point I'm wishing someone would just stick their hands inside of me and yank the baby out, so all I could do was moan "I DON'T CARE!"
And that is how I ended up with an episiotomy. Justin said they had been freezing me down there in anticipation of having to do one because I was stretching so much. He said that it semeed like the OB did try and wait, but that things really weren't going to stretch anymore.
The next thing I remember is my OB saying "Lauren, you're not having a contraction right now" (I honestly couldn't tell) "but if you just push gently his head will come out no problem." So I gave a push (I don't know how hard I pushed... I don't think it was very hard) and I felt his head slip out of me.
I have no idea how those shoulders came out because I don't remember pushing for them, but then it was the most glorious feeling of emptiness and liquid, and suddenly the pain and pressure were completely gone.
At 1:54 pm, my beautiful son, Noah Samuel James, was being held upside down in the air and crying. I was trying to grab him and kept telling them to give him to me. There were shenanigans with the cord (we wanted to wait until it stopped pulsating, but it had already gotten clamped, and then the clamp wasn't quite right...) that made it feel like a lot longer before I got to hold my baby. It was probably actually only 20 seconds!
As soon as they gave him to me I cuddled him into my neck and started rubbing him and talking to him and he stopped crying right away. It was the most amazing feeling to be holding my son. I can't even describe the joy I felt. I couldn't stop rubbing his tiny, waxy body and telling him how much I love him and kissing his head over and over.
I started nursing him right away and he latched on no problem and nursed for 2 wonderful hours. I finally had to pee so badly I couldn't wait anymore. We bundled him and gave him to his daddy for the first time (poor Justin waited 2 hours to hold his son!) and I got in the shower. I felt so weak in there with my hanging loose tummy. The nurse dried me off and got me dressed and back into bed, where I nursed for a little longer before getting in the wheelchair with Noah and being brought down to the maternity floor.
Just to recap, at 1:15 I was 5cm dilated. Right after that I started pushing uncontrollably while laying on my side, thinking I was still just dilating. At 1:39 I was checked and I was 10cm and the baby was almost out. At 1:54 he came out completely.
All in all I think I had a pretty good experience. It was excruciating during most of the 3 hours I was in really hard labour, but it went really fast at the end. And now our tiny little Bambino lives with us and we can cuddle him anytime we want:)
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Our Little Boy!
Noah Samuel James
Born: March 18th, 2010, at 1:54pm
7 lbs. 12 oz.
21.5 inches long
Birth story to follow soon...
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
What I Will Miss... And Not So Much
Well, today is my last day being pregnant. In honour of that, I want to write about all of the best and worst things about my particular pregnancy - things that I will miss terribly, and things I am thrilled to say goodbye to.
Things I Will Miss:
-The knowledge that I am carrying my tiny son inside of me, and that I was able to grow him from one little egg into the full-grown baby he is now.
-Feeling his movements. My favourite movement is seeing an actual leg run across my belly. It's like a rod being passed under my skin. It looks and feels so amazing.
-Never really feeling bored or lonely no matter where I am, because the little munchkin is always moving around for his mommy.
-Not sleeping in the middle of the night, but having the baby keep me company with his movements.
-Having other people see you as special because you're growing a human being.
-Having a constant topic of conversation to talk to strangers and non-strangers about.
-Having other people do things for me, like get my food and drink or clean my house.
-Feeling the most beautiful I've ever felt, because my tight round belly has a baby inside of it. I've actually never felt more comfortable in my body.
-An OB appointment every week (this one might seem so strange, but it was a highlight for me. I was happy to finally see my OBGYN for obstetrical purposes, and every appointment made me feel closer to having a baby.)
Things I Will Not Miss
-Being in excruciating pain, for many reasons, 24/7.
-Having torn cartilage in my pubic bone (you can't imagine the pain until you've had it)
-Feeling like my back is literally broken
-Getting out of bed to pee every 45-60 minutes all night long
-The incredibly painful feat of actually getting out of bed, which makes me gasp and break out in a sweat everytime.
-Having to use crutches to get to the bathroom because I literally cannot walk on my own
-Not being able to sleep simply because of the pain
-Only having 2 positions to sleep in, which both make me feel as if I had sharp spikes digging into my hip bones
-Stabbing pains through my cervix
-The feeling of not being able to breathe
-Being kicked in the ribs
-Pitting edema
-Not being able to do things for myself, like getting food, drink, or cleaning my house (while it's nice to have others do things for you, it's not nice when they do them because you actually can't do them).
-Only sleeping 3-5 hours a night
-Not being able to find a single position to sit, lie, or stand in that doesn't hurt like heck
-Not being able to see my "womanhood"
-Not being able to shave my legs, not only because I can't reach them but because my pubic bone screams in pain when I try.
I am actually really sad to be finished being pregnant. I know that sounds ridiculous, because I've been in excruciating pain for 8 weeks now. But I wanted to be pregnant so badly, and it's about to be over. I'm not like other people who know they can get pregnant and experience that anytime they want. I'll miss having Bambino inside of me. I wish I didn't have to give up that part in order to have him on the outside. It's sad to come to the end of this, even though I feel like I've been pregnant for 2 years already and am so ready to meet my son!
Honestly, pretty much the only things I won't miss all have to do with pain. Besides the pain, I have adored being pregnant. It's been the most fulfilling experience of my entire life.
Bambino, your Mom and Dad already love you so much. We can't wait to meet you tomorrow and finally hold you in our arms. We have never wanted anything more than we want you. We are so thankful to have you!
PS> Please be easy on your Mommy tomorrow when you're coming out :)
Things I Will Miss:
-The knowledge that I am carrying my tiny son inside of me, and that I was able to grow him from one little egg into the full-grown baby he is now.
-Feeling his movements. My favourite movement is seeing an actual leg run across my belly. It's like a rod being passed under my skin. It looks and feels so amazing.
-Never really feeling bored or lonely no matter where I am, because the little munchkin is always moving around for his mommy.
-Not sleeping in the middle of the night, but having the baby keep me company with his movements.
-Having other people see you as special because you're growing a human being.
-Having a constant topic of conversation to talk to strangers and non-strangers about.
-Having other people do things for me, like get my food and drink or clean my house.
-Feeling the most beautiful I've ever felt, because my tight round belly has a baby inside of it. I've actually never felt more comfortable in my body.
-An OB appointment every week (this one might seem so strange, but it was a highlight for me. I was happy to finally see my OBGYN for obstetrical purposes, and every appointment made me feel closer to having a baby.)
Things I Will Not Miss
-Being in excruciating pain, for many reasons, 24/7.
-Having torn cartilage in my pubic bone (you can't imagine the pain until you've had it)
-Feeling like my back is literally broken
-Getting out of bed to pee every 45-60 minutes all night long
-The incredibly painful feat of actually getting out of bed, which makes me gasp and break out in a sweat everytime.
-Having to use crutches to get to the bathroom because I literally cannot walk on my own
-Not being able to sleep simply because of the pain
-Only having 2 positions to sleep in, which both make me feel as if I had sharp spikes digging into my hip bones
-Stabbing pains through my cervix
-The feeling of not being able to breathe
-Being kicked in the ribs
-Pitting edema
-Not being able to do things for myself, like getting food, drink, or cleaning my house (while it's nice to have others do things for you, it's not nice when they do them because you actually can't do them).
-Only sleeping 3-5 hours a night
-Not being able to find a single position to sit, lie, or stand in that doesn't hurt like heck
-Not being able to see my "womanhood"
-Not being able to shave my legs, not only because I can't reach them but because my pubic bone screams in pain when I try.
I am actually really sad to be finished being pregnant. I know that sounds ridiculous, because I've been in excruciating pain for 8 weeks now. But I wanted to be pregnant so badly, and it's about to be over. I'm not like other people who know they can get pregnant and experience that anytime they want. I'll miss having Bambino inside of me. I wish I didn't have to give up that part in order to have him on the outside. It's sad to come to the end of this, even though I feel like I've been pregnant for 2 years already and am so ready to meet my son!
Honestly, pretty much the only things I won't miss all have to do with pain. Besides the pain, I have adored being pregnant. It's been the most fulfilling experience of my entire life.
Bambino, your Mom and Dad already love you so much. We can't wait to meet you tomorrow and finally hold you in our arms. We have never wanted anything more than we want you. We are so thankful to have you!
PS> Please be easy on your Mommy tomorrow when you're coming out :)
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Big Day for Us
Well, I'm FINALLY home! Man it's been a long day!
My OB appointment went fine. My BP was 136/97, which kept our induction plans right on schedule. That might not look high to the average person, but it's actually the worst I've been. I've had way high top numbers, but it's the bottom number that OBs are most concerned with. I guess anything over 85 causes them to keep a closer eye. At my first appointment at 8 weeks my BP was 106/65. A bottom number of 97 is sky high for anyone, but especially for me! So 6:30am on Thursday we're going in for our induction. Eeek!:)
After our appointment we did errands. We had to exchange a car seat base Justin had bought on Sunday because they gave us a tan one instead of silver (even though they rang through a silver base). We had to exchange a blanket and outfit that we received as gifts, but already had. I had to pick up mail from my mailbox at work, and I had to cash my WSIB cheque.
We then went to my parents' house because my mom had returned and exchanged a bunch of shower presents for us, and we had to pick up the money and items. While we were there we started talking about how badly we need to buy a van. Right now we have a Kia Rio5 and a 4-door Jeep Wrangler. They're both relatively new (2009 and 2007), but neither of them fit a carseat well. In the Kia, nobody can really sit in the passenger's seat if the carseat is in there. Justin is 6'5" and can't fit in it at all, and when I'm in it my knees are pressed up against the dashboard and my head is basically hitting the ceiling from being so erect. Nobody can drive like that for more than a couple of minutes. In the Jeep there's a little more room, but I'm still sitting pretty far forward and I'm uncomfortably erect.
We knew this was the case back in December, so I had decided back then that we have to get a minivan. However, because the baby wasn't coming for months, I guess I just chose to ignore reality. Then about a week and a half ago we installed the carseat base in the Kia (since that's the car I drive the most) and when we put the carseat in I was reminded how HORRIBLE it fits and that we both can't drive in that car at the same time.
I had Justin go buy another base and install it in the Jeep, since there was a little more room in there. He also put the carseat in and has been driving around for a couple of days with it. Today was the first day I actually sat in the passenger's seat on the way into town, which is a 20-25 minute drive. I was immediately uncomfortable, and reaaaally annoyed at myself and Justin because we'd been procrastinating so much. Now our baby was coming in 2 days and we didn't have a car we could really drive in together. That's not really a problem that can be solved in 2 days.
I was also having these horrible thoughts about how I'd be all bruised and stitched and in pain and having to contort into an uncomfortable position in a VERY bouncy Jeep to drive 25 minutes home with the baby. And even if I could handle that (which I was going to have to), when in the heck were we supposed to find time to go buy a new car? I'm giving birth on Thursday, then Justin goes back to work, and besides that, we'll have a newborn! It would have been sometime in the summer before we were going to have time to car shop!
Besides this, we had been told that we should sell the Jeep privately rather than trade it in to a dealer, because we'd get more money for it privately than we would from a dealer. But the Jeep needs the windshield and spare tire replaced, we'd have to safety and e-test it, and neither of us has the first CLUE about how to sell a car and all the paperwork and logistics involved. And who has time, anyway?
So I'm talking to my mom about my discomfort in the Jeep and she was like "Why don't you guys just go look around at some dealerships and see what's out there so you have an idea?"
We had nothing else to do for the afternoon, so we decided to do that.
Long story short, we are now the proud owners of a minivan!
We managed to trade our Jeep in for a 2008 Dodge Caravan SE with only 15000 km on it (that's about 9000 miles). It's one of those minivans that looks more like an SUV than a minivan - not those cheesy "classic" looking minivans.
The carseat fits PERFECTLY, I can comfortably recline my seat, Justin can sit as far back as he wants, and we can fit four other people in the van along with us and Bambino! And the seats are stow and go, so they fold into the floor.
So we traded our Jeep for a van that's one year newer, has 21 000 less km, is way more comfortable, and has waaay more room. AND they gave us $128 because apparently the Jeep was worth a bit more than van. I didn't know that dealers would actually cut YOU a cheque if you traded in a car that was worth more than what you were buying. I figured you always had to trade up.
It's currently sitting in our driveway. That's how easy it was. It was basically signing some paperwork and trading keys. Amazing! No hassle whatsoever. And now we'll be super comfortable.
It was sad for us to trade in the Jeep because that was our first new car together. But it had to be done, and we're actually both thrilled with the situation - even Justin, who is in love with Jeeps and never thought he'd drive a minivan.
I'm so excited. Bambino on Thursday and a new car!
Oh, and I have been painfully contracting every 3-4 minutes ALL DAY LONG. With the amount of contractions I have, the baby should just be FALLING out of me. The fact that my cervix is not a gaping hole at this point makes me worried about how the induction will go.
My OB appointment went fine. My BP was 136/97, which kept our induction plans right on schedule. That might not look high to the average person, but it's actually the worst I've been. I've had way high top numbers, but it's the bottom number that OBs are most concerned with. I guess anything over 85 causes them to keep a closer eye. At my first appointment at 8 weeks my BP was 106/65. A bottom number of 97 is sky high for anyone, but especially for me! So 6:30am on Thursday we're going in for our induction. Eeek!:)
After our appointment we did errands. We had to exchange a car seat base Justin had bought on Sunday because they gave us a tan one instead of silver (even though they rang through a silver base). We had to exchange a blanket and outfit that we received as gifts, but already had. I had to pick up mail from my mailbox at work, and I had to cash my WSIB cheque.
We then went to my parents' house because my mom had returned and exchanged a bunch of shower presents for us, and we had to pick up the money and items. While we were there we started talking about how badly we need to buy a van. Right now we have a Kia Rio5 and a 4-door Jeep Wrangler. They're both relatively new (2009 and 2007), but neither of them fit a carseat well. In the Kia, nobody can really sit in the passenger's seat if the carseat is in there. Justin is 6'5" and can't fit in it at all, and when I'm in it my knees are pressed up against the dashboard and my head is basically hitting the ceiling from being so erect. Nobody can drive like that for more than a couple of minutes. In the Jeep there's a little more room, but I'm still sitting pretty far forward and I'm uncomfortably erect.
We knew this was the case back in December, so I had decided back then that we have to get a minivan. However, because the baby wasn't coming for months, I guess I just chose to ignore reality. Then about a week and a half ago we installed the carseat base in the Kia (since that's the car I drive the most) and when we put the carseat in I was reminded how HORRIBLE it fits and that we both can't drive in that car at the same time.
I had Justin go buy another base and install it in the Jeep, since there was a little more room in there. He also put the carseat in and has been driving around for a couple of days with it. Today was the first day I actually sat in the passenger's seat on the way into town, which is a 20-25 minute drive. I was immediately uncomfortable, and reaaaally annoyed at myself and Justin because we'd been procrastinating so much. Now our baby was coming in 2 days and we didn't have a car we could really drive in together. That's not really a problem that can be solved in 2 days.
I was also having these horrible thoughts about how I'd be all bruised and stitched and in pain and having to contort into an uncomfortable position in a VERY bouncy Jeep to drive 25 minutes home with the baby. And even if I could handle that (which I was going to have to), when in the heck were we supposed to find time to go buy a new car? I'm giving birth on Thursday, then Justin goes back to work, and besides that, we'll have a newborn! It would have been sometime in the summer before we were going to have time to car shop!
Besides this, we had been told that we should sell the Jeep privately rather than trade it in to a dealer, because we'd get more money for it privately than we would from a dealer. But the Jeep needs the windshield and spare tire replaced, we'd have to safety and e-test it, and neither of us has the first CLUE about how to sell a car and all the paperwork and logistics involved. And who has time, anyway?
So I'm talking to my mom about my discomfort in the Jeep and she was like "Why don't you guys just go look around at some dealerships and see what's out there so you have an idea?"
We had nothing else to do for the afternoon, so we decided to do that.
Long story short, we are now the proud owners of a minivan!
We managed to trade our Jeep in for a 2008 Dodge Caravan SE with only 15000 km on it (that's about 9000 miles). It's one of those minivans that looks more like an SUV than a minivan - not those cheesy "classic" looking minivans.
The carseat fits PERFECTLY, I can comfortably recline my seat, Justin can sit as far back as he wants, and we can fit four other people in the van along with us and Bambino! And the seats are stow and go, so they fold into the floor.
So we traded our Jeep for a van that's one year newer, has 21 000 less km, is way more comfortable, and has waaay more room. AND they gave us $128 because apparently the Jeep was worth a bit more than van. I didn't know that dealers would actually cut YOU a cheque if you traded in a car that was worth more than what you were buying. I figured you always had to trade up.
It's currently sitting in our driveway. That's how easy it was. It was basically signing some paperwork and trading keys. Amazing! No hassle whatsoever. And now we'll be super comfortable.
It was sad for us to trade in the Jeep because that was our first new car together. But it had to be done, and we're actually both thrilled with the situation - even Justin, who is in love with Jeeps and never thought he'd drive a minivan.
I'm so excited. Bambino on Thursday and a new car!
Oh, and I have been painfully contracting every 3-4 minutes ALL DAY LONG. With the amount of contractions I have, the baby should just be FALLING out of me. The fact that my cervix is not a gaping hole at this point makes me worried about how the induction will go.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)