Sex Causes Babies

I'm in the VP office on my prep, writing out daily plans for the next week, minding my own business, and I get a knock on the door. It was a woman from the pregnancy centre coming to talk to grades 7 and 8.

She was wearing a T-shirt that said "Sex Causes Babies."

I almost told her that no, in fact, sex only causes babies if you are extremely lucky. But I didn't think it was worth it.

Back to the Old Me

I’ve started working out again. Justin is really in to fitness, and we have a gym in our garage. It’s not your typical gym with machines, because we don’t believe in machines. We believe in kettlebells, medicine balls, pull-up rings, squat racks, free weights, and plyo boxes. Our only machine is an airdyne stationary bike. An old school bike where you use your arms as well as your legs. It’s the next best thing to a rowing machine.

I was working out a lot last year, and I really liked how I felt and how I looked. But then we starting trying to get pregnant, and I stopped working out much. I was worried about being too bouncy and harming implantation. I also figured I shouldn’t work out too hard if I was pregnant (I do Crossfit, so it’s hard).

Then I was on fertility drugs, and someone told me I shouldn’t lift heavy weights or do anything bouncy, because my ovaries are enlarged and they could become twisted. This could cut off the blood supply and possibly kill them. So that was my next barrier to working out. Crossfit involves a lot of heavy weights.

I don’t care about that stuff anymore. I’m really mad that I haven’t been working out. I was looking so good last year. I was thin and strong, which meant I was nice and toned. My clothes were all too big, and I looked good in my bikinis.

Then I stopped working out. Not only do I have absolutely nothing to show for my laziness (aka: a BABY), but I’m also weaker and softer.

I quit. I quit doing the things that I’m “not supposed to do.” I’m sick of changing every aspect of my life for a pregnancy that apparently isn’t coming. I’m sick of living like this.

So I’m working out again. Last week I worked out so hard that I felt like I was going to throw up right up until I fell asleep. Since then I’ve done several decent workouts, and yesterday I matched my own PR for deadlifts. I tried to go higher, but it’s been awhile and I hit a wall. At least I didn’t regress in that area.

By the way, if you’re looking for something to do that will get you really fit really fast, check out Crossfit. I’ve been doing it since early 2007. My husband discovered it in 2005. It’s brutally hard, but it’s effective.

Life Objectives?

J and I were at a wedding on Saturday. I was standing with one of his friends watching the Arabs dance and she said "So are you and J gonna have kids?"

I said "Yes, of course."

So she went on to say "When?"

I don't hide our infertility from very many people anymore, so I told her we've been trying since we got married and we can't have kids naturally. We've been doing fertility treatments for months.

I immediately felt like she really minimized it. Right away she asked if we are considering adoption, and what my other options were. She didn't ask about the treatments we're doing or anything, she just jumped right into what else I could try. I guess I can partly understand this - infertility is something she's never gone through. Nobody knows what to say.

Then she asked me if I would ever go live in a third world world country as a sort of mission trip. WTF? I was like "Umm, we're pretty settled. We have a house and jobs, and that would really uproot our lives. We're doing fertility treatments, we can't just take off. And then we're going to have kids and I'm not going to go live in Africa with our babies."

Then she asked me what my long term goals are, besides teaching. I felt like I sounded retarded, because my long term goals at this point are to get pregnant, have kids, and keep our marriage happy.

I have already met all of the goals I had before. I have 2 university degrees and I have a full-time teaching job. I wanted to be a resource teacher, so that was a goal I had for myself, but now I've accomplished that as well. So the only thing I haven't accomplished is having kids with my husband.

I'm perfectly happy and content with where I'm at (besides the baby thing) and what my "goals" are. I feel like I've accomplished a lot for my age, and except for not being able to get pregnant, I'm right where I want to be.

But when she asked me that question, she made me feel so one-dimensional.

New Blog

For privacy issues, I created a new blog address and linked it with a new email address. I'm going to wait a couple of weeks and then delete my other blog. I want to give all of my wonderful supporters a chance to catch my new blog address before I get rid of my old blog.

Confirmation

This morning my temps dropped drastically. And my spotting got heavier. I think it's a possibility that my period will come before 15DPO. Which is fine with me. I'm ready to just move past this cycle and get on to a new one.

I just don't understand why it's not working. I know it can take awhile, but logically I still don't get it. We were twice as fertile as any normal couple! I had 2 eggs, and we put as many sperm in my uterus as I would have gotten through normal intercourse if he had a sperm count of like 400 million motile sperm! Why didn't it work?

Shit.

Well, I started spotting today at 12DPO. Right on schedule. Which means my period will be along any day now... probably right on the 27th, as planned.

I hate my life.

OPKs Getting Darker

Okay, I know I said I was going to stop peeing on OPKs. But I am physically unable to. Or maybe it's that I'm mentally unable to. Yesterday and today I took them. That makes a total of 4 days in a row, and all the tests were taken at the same time of the day.

Interestingly, every day the test line gets a little bit darker. It started out almost non-existent, and each day it's become more visible.

I also started paying attention to my boobs today, and they are sore. Which doesn't have to mean anything. They were sore last month too.

Today I'm 11DPO, and last month I started lightly spotting at 12DPO. I guess if I start spotting tomorrow I'll know it's probably over.

Frig. I need time to speed up. I have to know!

Is There Still Hope?

I haven't been posting about my 2 week wait, because I've really been trying to not obsess during it. I'm 10 DPO right now and I've been having cramps every day since 5DPO. Last month I didn't have any cramps until slight ones started in the evening of 11DPO. Those were just period cramps, obviously. Also, last night for several hours (2am-5am) I was lying awake feeling nauseous.

I was pretty sure I wasn't pregnant. I took an OPK at 8DPO and 9DPO, and both of them were the most negative OPKs I've ever had. There was barely a second line on either of them (although the one at 9DPO was slightly darker than the day before). I usually have very visible lines all the time. Since OPKs detect HCG, I was very disappointed that they were so negative. I've been cramping since 5DPO, so if that was implantation you'd THINK something would show up by now.

I had pretty much lost hope. But today, my hope is renewed. Ashley got pregnant from her IVF cycle!! She took an OPK on Tuesday, and there was no second line at all. Then on Thursday she had a beta done and it was 104!! So obviously a negative OPK means nothing if you can have a beta of 104 48 hours later.

I should really stop taking OPKs.

And I really should go back to ignoring my 2 week wait.

I guess I'll probably know in a couple of days. I usually spot for several days before my period comes.

Review Appointment

I had a review appointment with my RE this morning. There were several points we raised with him, and we got good solutions for pretty much everything. The most important point (to me) is my rising FSH levels, but I'll address that last.

1) I have not been responding that well to my medications. Dr. Martin agrees. He didn't think it would be so hard to get me to ovulate. Next cycle I'm doing 7.5 mg of Femara on CD 3, 100g of Clomid on CD 3-7, and 75IU of Bravelle from CD 6 on. We're adding the Femara instead of increasing my dose of Clomid, because the Femara helps sensitize you to the Clomid. I didn't ovulate on just 50 mg of Clomid, but when I added the 7.5 mg of Femara on CD 3, I did produce an egg. Hopefully this new combination will help me make it to ovulation with at least 3 eggs.

2) Justin's sperm counts appeared to have been decreasing steadily. Dr. Martin explained that men are unreliable (which I already knew), and that there's no reason at this point to think that Justin's sperm has permanently decreased. For the IUI's this month his recoveries were pretty good, so maybe that SA of 2 million on May 10 was a fluke. He suggests we continue IUI's with his sperm.

3) I'm concerned with my FSH levels. My FSH is 8, which should be "fine," except for the fact that I'm 24 years old. Dr. Martin agreed with me; he said I should have an FSH of 4 or 5 at 24 years old, so my FSH is high. He said that the entire fertility world always uses the cutoff of 10 - anything below 10 means your ovarian reserve is fine. But we should also be relating that number to the age of the female. If someone is 42 and has an FSH of 8, they're doing pretty good for their age. But for a 24 year old, that's pretty brutal.

The problem with high FSH is that it's always been believed that there's nothing that can be done about it. You can't reverse decreased ovarian reserve. Perhaps that's not true.

In December 2008 there was a compilation of studies released that show that DHEA can improve fertility in women with high FSH. DHEA is a mildly androgenic precursor hormone for both testosterone and estrogen. The fertility world is starting to think that maybe part of the nonresponsiveness of the ovaries to medications isn't because the ovaries are running out of eggs, but rather because the ovaries' inability to make its steroid hormones in order to promote egg maturity within it's follicles.

Several studies have been done with women who have decreased ovarian reserve. The studies followed their IVF attempts both before and after treatment with DHEA and compared their results to those of a control group that did not take DHEA. The studies showed that treatment with DHEA (in women with dimished ovarian reserve) significantly:
-improves the woman's response to medication (more eggs are developed)
-increases the number of eggs that successfully fertilize
-increases the number of normal Day 3 embryos
-increases the number of embryo transfers
-increases the overall cumulative pregnancy rate

Just one example: in 2005 there was a 42 year old woman with decreased ovarian reserve undergoing IVF. She was on the maximum dosage of fertility drugs, but she only produced one egg. She went on DHEA for 9 months, then repeated the exact same drug protocol that she used for her first IVF. This time she developed 17 eggs.

There is also evidence of a decreased miscarriage rate, which may be due to a decreased abnormal chromosome number. DHEA improves the maturation process of the egg, resulting in a better quality egg.

I'm pretty excited about the drug. I'm hoping it will make my ovaries more responsive to medications and that my eggs will mature more normally. I'm not sure how quickly it starts working, so I don't know if I will see improvements next cycle or not. But I'm feeling better about my high FSH.

I love my RE.

IUI #2 (Part 2)

Part 2 of our second IUI was this morning. I was still getting positive OPKs yesterday evening (I don't know about today because I haven't tested), so I'm really glad we opted to go with the double IUI (for timing reasons, not because we needed more sperm). We weren't expecting a great recovery, but it ended up being 6.7 million! That's half of what we got yesterday, but it's higher than both of our recoveries for our last IUI. We were pretty happy with that.

All in all I have 20.2 million sperm swimming through my uterus and fallopian tubes.

*Please catch an egg; please catch an egg!*